It's been a tough couple of weeks around here....a week ago Friday I ended up in ER. MDs wanted to admit me for high BiPolar (BP), pain & some emotional issues ~ no one to take kt on so I ended up here rather than in the hospital. Back to MD (rather 3 of them) today to discuss the situation. Not much to discuss ~ my family, my support system is 350 miles away. One of the MDs I saw today was my psychiatrist. She's changing my AD ~ I hadn't filled my lexapro Thursday because I had the appointment Friday. She's wanting me to start back on Cymbalta & half the dose of lexapro. I don't want to take either of them. I've been off the cymbalta for a couple of months now....the lexapro is fairly new ~ just a few weeks. I'm finally grieving the loss of husband, the tears are flowing freely with-o shame; with-o the fear that I will lose my mind or my heart will break in two. I'm grieving the loss of my mother, my health & the stability (or lack thereof) of my little family. It's just kt & me now. wm is barely in the picture. My mind feels the most clear it's been for a long time. Sooooo.....am I having incredible mood swings & belong back on this stuff? Am I actually beginning to feel again with-o the medications? Is this a good thing? Should I get the medications filled & start taking them again? Am I off my nut?