I quit

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    after three phone calls in twenty minutes, I told school to do whatever they need to do. I spoke to my son, who apologized for what he said to me on the last phone call. I told him I did all I can do, the rest is up to him. He has two choices. do what he is told, or go to the hospital. I cannot do anymore. He hung up on me, so I do not know what is going to happen to him. Can I tell him I quit? Can I tell him I don't care? Can I tell him it is his fault?
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Whew! That's a really tough situation -- can't say that I fault your feelings one bit. I don't know if I could just walk away. No one else would advocate for my kid like I would. Not even his dad. That's a big burden to be the "only" one in that role. I also think of how alone and scared my difficult child would feel (and mine are about the same age as yours), and I know how bad it would be. He didn't choose to have this dysfunction, and how much of what's going on is truly out of his control, and how much is well within his ability to change? I don't have those answers.

    I'm not in your shoes, and you know your kid best. Maybe the hospital is the right choice and the break will do everyone some good.

    Hope you get some resolutions soon.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I just read your other post regarding the first call.

    Here's the deal. If your son is not being physically aggressive to both inatimate objects or people, it is the school's responsibility to keep him there. So what if he is loudy saying he doesn't want to be there? If your son has an IEP, with a BIP, or any other behavior modifications or goals, there are things the school needs to do to keep your son there.

    If and when, if ever, he becomes physically abusive to school property or anyone feels physicall threatened, the police should be called and he should be transported to a hospital for evaluation. Period.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing.

  4. kris

    kris New Member

    the answer to your three questions is no, no & no. strong as the temptation is to simply pack a bag & walk away we don't get to do that.

    we do get to learn how to take care of ourselves....with-therapy, medication & simply time to ourselves when we need it. have you been seeing a therapist? he/she won't be able to solve your problems, but you need to have a person who is squarely in your corner.....someone who can help you negotiate with-husband for more support.....listen to your frustrations. you might also find some medications help...antidepressant/anti anxiety medications??? your family doctor can probably get you started on a trial of medications.

    the other thing i would suggest is make a list of the suggestions people have made to you. add to that the things you think need to be worked on. then prioritize that list. pick the top three & start working on those. each time you can check one off you up another. helping our kids is not instant coffee. it takes time, stamina, organization.

    the one other thing i'd suggest is that you pull together a Parent Report: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/parent-report-updated.225/. it will help tremendously when you start the evaluation process.

  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I agree with the others. difficult child should remain in school unless he is being violent. If he is violent, he needs to be hospitalized in order to receive the proper help.

    I also think you need to take care of yourself. You've got to find some time for you!!! Without time for yourself, you can't take care of all the things that need to be done for difficult child.

    I think it is really important that you and husband be on the same page as far as difficult child is concerned. I meet weekly with my husband to try to resolve difficult child issues in a way that is acceptable to both of us. (It
    is easier said than done though. Sometimes my husband can be a true PITA and act just like a difficult child!!!)

    Maybe you could get husband to watch difficult child once a week so you could visit with friends, etc... Do you exercise? I've found exercise to be the most helpful way to reduce stress.

    I know things aren't going well for you now, but, DON'T GIVE UP!!! difficult child needs you and I'm sure, underneath it all, you love difficult child and want what is best for him. Sending cyber hugs... WFEN
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Just my two cents again Kis....

    I have felt like giving up a thousand times...literally felt like walking away and not caring what happened - and I have had my family and counselors tell me I should do just that, just give up, institutionalize him and forget it...but you know what? You and I are not capable of that...we are their mothers...and without us they are lost. In these times of chaos I only had to look deep in my son's eyes and realize he was lost - so lost and so very scared, and without me he would not make it. Every time I felt like giving up, I actually ended up getting closer to my son, because it was then I realized that he needed me the most. He didn't want to be bad, or mad, or in trouble all the time, he was crying out for help, and yet not one person was going to get him that help - except me - I am his rock.

    I know how you feel, and it is OK to feel right now....but I know when you get home tonight and you are kissing your son goodnight, that you will come full circle - it happens every time.
  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for what is happeneing. Truly, this could all be a non-issue if he was in the right setting. Stay strong, give you son lots of love, make him feel good, the school is doing him harm by how they are acting toward him and making it worse I'm sure. This too will pass and tomorrow is another day. Can they have him "work" for things? Like computer time ,or something he enjoys? He can earn tokens or something for each task?-Alyssa
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Kjs, you have gotten some wonderful advice here.
    And Amber, that was beautiful. It literally brought tears to my eyes.
  9. needabreak

    needabreak New Member

    DONT QUIT.....we are all they have,and without us they dont have no one.I know its hard and it can hurt.im going through it right now.but god gave us something very special and its our job to do the best we can.no matter what happens at least you can say i did not give up.remember god only gives us what we can handle ...
  10. AK0603

    AK0603 New Member

    Kinda similar situation I had to go though. Many nights I wanted to just give up and give in, but the next day I knew I couldn't. Is there anyone who could take over for you for a day or something? That is what I wished I had the most, but I didn't. My difficult child was placed in an inpatient hospital for a week, I thought it would be better but really it got worse quickly. Then I finally got support with him I needed, he's staying with his bio dad (they do have a good relationship) only he's in another state now (Im moving in June)

    (((hugs to you))) I think things will look better in the AM. As moms we never truelly give up.