I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by maniacmansion, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. maniacmansion

    maniacmansion New Member

    Does anyone here know the best way to get an 11 year old out of your house? I am very litterally broke, absolutely NO money!!! He got suspended from school, he can't go back until Monday. I've called the cops twice. 1st time nothing was done, 2nd time they took him to crisis to have him admitted for the 3rd time this year at the short term psychiatric place here. They turned him away---said he doesn't fit criteria.


    Alright from the top---------He got suspended from school until Monday. He called a kid fa**Occupational Therapist (OT)(HUGE no-no in my house), wouldn't do anything the teacher told him to, wouldn't do anything the principal told him to, plopped himself down on the stairs & refused to move, made lots of vague threats, & was just plain oppositional.


    Got him home & had to force him out of the van. I couldn't leave him in the van because he made it clear that he would destroy it. He started kicking & screaming. He kicked the van & left a great big dent in it. I called the cops they wouldn't do anything. I couldn't even press charges because it was my van. If it'd been the neighbor's they'd of pressed charges & I'd got to pay for it.


    Next---------He threw things all over the house. Ripped open the trash bag, threw things down the stairs, tipped the shop-vac over every where, & I still hadn't got their living room cleaned up from the fit he had last night. Then he punched me & scratched me in the arm & kneed me in the back(I've been having real bad back pain for the last few days--it didn't help). I called the cops again. This time they let me press charges & took him to the crisis center to be admitted. The crisis center sent him home. I was in tears & they still wouldn't keep him. Plus one of the officers took pictures of all the messes he'd caused & told me he would be forwarding them to children's services because the filth & mess was not suitable for children. Chris is the one who did it all!!!!!! Then one of the other officers lectured me for having pet rats!


    He is 11 years old, 5'4", & 165 pounds. He physically tries to go after his youngest brother & sister(they're 40 pounds each). This is the second time in 3 months I've pressed charges on him for punching me & stuff. I do not feel safe at all. If he goes after one of them when I'm in the bathroom they don't stand a chance.It's getting harder & harder for me to physically restrain him. The courts won't do anything. He's been in counsling for years & it's still getting worse. There is no family that can take him---they can't control him & are scared of his violence. I've only been able to find 1 Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & it's $400 a day, they don't take insurance, & even if I could afford it(I can't) They have an almost 2 year waiting list. Help please
     
  2. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm so sorry!!! I know what it is like to live in fear in your own house. No one should have to live that way!!! Why did the crisis center send him home?:grrr: He is obviously very unstable and violent!!!:grrr:

    It doesn't sound like the counselor your difficult child has been going to is helping. What does difficult child's counselor think? When was the last time he was evaluated? I don't know anything about the medications he is on. However, it doesn't seem like they are helping. Do you think it is time for a medication change? Why won't his psychiatrist have him admitted to a psychiatric hospital for an evaluation? Your difficult child is obviously very violent!!!

    I'm sorry to be asking so many questions and not have any really good advice for you. Please stay safe!!! Call the police as much as you have to. Don't clean up any of the messes he makes when in a rage. Let the police see what he did. Make sure the police see every bruise he gives you. This doesn't seem right. Your difficult child needs help and you and the rest of your family need to feel safe.

    I'm sure others will be along soon with better advice. WFEN
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! I can't offer any advice, but I can offer a shoulder. I don't know if this would work and there are WAY MORE EXPERIENCED people on this board than me.

    Are there any bipolar support groups in your area? Maybe they could give you some ideas. Unfortunately, mental health assistance seems to be from every different direction in the world.

    As far as suspensions, does he have an IEP? They can't just throw him into your home. he's supposed to either have in-school or an alternate location.

    Geez, I wish I could help! I'll send a lot of extra prayers your way!

    Beth
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. Honestly, I don't think the cops will help him--he's sick--and violent because he's sick. If he is thought of as "bad" and taken to juvy hall, he will only get sicker and more violent. I can't see how that would help--I don't believe he's in control of everything he does, even though it may look like he is. I have bipolar and the medications he's on aren't very good at controlling bipolar. You may want to get a fresh opinion on how to treat him because this psychiatrist isn't helping him and counseling doesn't help unstable bipolar kids. I'm no expert, but I've heard some say that Geodon makes kids even more wound up and Clonadine isn't strong enough for your kiddo, in my opinion. Why isn't he on a mood stabilizer? Mood stabilizers are: Depakote, Lithium, Trileptal, Lamictal, Tegretal
    I don't think your child means to be "bad." I think he is very sick and out of control and needs more help, but he's obviously dangerous to you and your other children too. I would keep pushing for the state to help pay for a GOOD (and, yes, there are bad ones) Residential Treatment Center (RTC). This child needs to get on the right medications before anything will help him. (((Hugs)))
     
  5. maniacmansion

    maniacmansion New Member

    I'm a little bit calmer now. We have most of his messes cleaned up now, I had no choice as children's services will be coming.

    As for his medications--the scary thing is they actually are helping alot. Not counting today, We end up calling the cops 1-3 times a month. Before the medications we were calling them 5-8 times a week. It's just that he thinks he doesn't need them & fights them, so they can only do so much.

    I'm not giving up my rats!! Despite what that officer says they do make very good pets. For some reason that really ticked me off. I love my animals. They are my stress relief.

    His doctor can recommend he be treated inpatient, but the decision is made by the crisis intake workers. He was brought in by the cops----I would think that would tell them something was wrong. It's probally for the better. It costs a fortune + when he comes home he's worse than when he went in.

    Thanks for listening(reading?)
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry-I know first hand how hard it is to live with the violence. Good for you for calling the police-I'm sorry they haven't been more helpful. Hugs.
     
  7. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    I agree with others, it sounds like his medications are not treating the BiPolar (BP) effectively. I would look into a mood stabilizer as well... Next time he goes into a rage, call the councilor and ask him to treat it regardless of what time of day it is. If he does nothing, call the psychologist, while this is happening. They need to see this IN ACTION.

    Hang in there!!!! {{{HUGS}}}

    Also, it is a good idea to videotape the rages if you can and take pics of any damage -- including to yourself -- that he does.
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    What is preventing you from admitting him to an in-phosph situation? I am sorry I might have missed that somewhere........but he sounds like he needs an in-patient program in a phoshp where they can adjust his medications.
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    MM,

    Anyone who has ever had rats as pets KNOWS they are fantastic critters. Smart, litter box trainable, trainable period. Mine listen better than my kid.

    I am so sorry about your son. You would think it you make as much noise as you have someone would listen. While I agree that juvenile hall isn't a good place for any child - I think someone on your team should really start looking at what is going on. You can't continue to subject the other children and yourself to physical abuse. When it gets that far - he's a danger to himself and others - I would be the squeeky wheel.

    Getting his medications tweaked sounds like its going to take an inpatient stay. Medicaid will pay for this - someone just has to write the order for him to go inpatient. I can't believe he hasn't been given an inpatient stay already. But stranger things have happened.

    If you don't qualify for Medicaid(make too much) ask about a Katie Beckett waiver. It's for parents that make a little more and while they don't qualify for medicaid - they can get help from this source.

    Good luck - I have 4 rescue rats. They are all as unique as people with their strengths, weaknesses, brilliance - (mostly for Yogurt blueberry drops) will do anything, and come when called.

    Hugs
    Star
     
  10. LynnG61

    LynnG61 New Member

    I know what you are going through, I faced it two months ago myself. I too had to have my 14 year old arrested for assault against me. This after he came out of a 28 day DOS program for that already. (i am the only one he assaults)

    And like you, Police came, took him in, attempted to "302" him but they were told that if he were calm, etc he would be released. There are not emergency crisis shelters here where I am (much to my amazement!) CYS wouldn't get involved because it was a child against a parent (but let a parent raise a hand to a child and it is all over for the parent).

    When the police called and said they could not keep him in custody and has to be released to me, there was only one recourse I could take. I refused to pick my son up, at which time the police said if you refuse to take your son, you could be charged with abandonment. At that point, for my safety and his own, I said to the PO "so be it". They called, CYS crisis responded to the police station, and called to ask if I would meet them down there (at this point I was ready to be charged and faced that as a possiblity).

    I had to go through hoops with proving to CYS he was from a good, solid, loving home (which they found to be correct) while he was placed in an emergency shelter (via CYS) until we could get him placed in to an residential treatment facility, which is where he has been since Oct 26.

    Fortunately for me, the PO did not press charges of abandonment as they knew my sons history (not the first time I had to call police on son for assault) and knew that this was the step I had to take.

    I am not sure if this helps you any, just letting you know I was recently in these shoes. And wanted to "quit" as well.

    Now that almost two months have passed, I can breathe easier and focus once again on getting help for my son.

    It's not easy, especially when we are the physical target of their rages and you feel at a total loss as what to do. Prayers, hugs and a shoulder if you need it!
     
  11. prayerful

    prayerful New Member

    i feel you my 11 year old is starting to display anger issues he has raised his hand as if he was going to hit me .

    tried to hit my aunt and balled his fist up at my husband because he got angry for no reason and i have lost it with him sometimes , but i feel as though if i send him away there no one to help him because no one can love or protect him like his mom &dad. i know how you feel about the safety of others in your home i have the same concerns i have started to watch my son closely and when i see he is getting upset, frusterated i send him to his room alone if he hurts anyone it will be himself then no one is to blame but him.

    being that our kids have speacial needs they still have to learn consequences and that there is good choices and bad choices that we make in life and that you will be punished by law for a bad choices . Even though you are on medications if you commit a crime they will still lock you up and give you medications during medication call.no one wants to put there child out or go through the things we do ,but i have learned that maybe god gave me a difficult child because if he had a different mother he would be either be dead or not taken care of as he should and some times i wish he would do better , but it's a day by day process some good and bad. some worst than others but don't give up i know been there but if you give up then what happens to him! i look at my son he can be so loving and caring then at a drop of a dime he can be so hurtful and unhappy it's not because of me it's because when things don't go his way he thinks his outburst will change things but i have learned to allow him to outburst and still stick to what i say if it's no then hey cry , throw something as longs as you don't put your hands on anyone . this is hard i know and very challenging but just continue to love him .i want to quit sometimes and when i feel like that i find time away and rethink and start a new day the next day and stop blaming myself for what he does.
     
  12. maniacmansion

    maniacmansion New Member

    UPDATE

    I really should not have lost my temper. I was tired, hurt(phyically & emotionally), & trying to deal with someone who had just met my son but thought they knew more than his regular counslor. Not a good excuse, but the only one I have. I didn't clean his messes because before the cops had told me not to clean them before they get there as they need to see the damage he causes. I will not be making that mistake again. It has sense been cleaned up, except his room. I refuse to clean his room. I do go through everything in his room about twice a month because he hides food & I'm afraid of getting bugs. Right now he is in his "kiss butt" mood. He tells me what a good mom I am, how he won't ever hit me again, & is all sticky-icky sweet. It's almost as annoying as his tantrums. It's just so fake. He even tells people he doesn't mean any of it he just wants to make me feel guilty for calling the cops. Oh well, at least he's not hitting people. Thank you for all the support.
     
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