I have struggled for many years now with my middle son Evan, who just turned 18 in January of this year. He sort of amazes me/pisses me off as I observe his evolving entitled and abusive attitude through the lens of hingsight. He has zero appreciation for anything, really. No concern for the hours and years spent for his care and betterment, because he was "entitled to it". Not only is that an obtuse view of parental loving responsibility, it's a twisted view of reality that set into his mind several years ago. I mistook much of his odd behavior as teen or preteen angst, and all kids are different. I tried to rule out stressors, and there were plenty. I was divorced, ugly custody fight, spoilt my kids too much, was too strict or not strict enough, got deployed too often with the military, the new marriage and stepdad was too stressful for him. I basically anything and everything except Evan, and I unfortunately blamed myself. It was all :censor me, I'm colorful: but it was all nonsense. I also raised his older brother, who was also spoilt, I was too lenient or too strict, at work or away too much, had the same new stepdad, but my eldest son took care of his needs. He did his homework and earned a high GPA, he showered, he did a few chores asked of him, he did and whine and argue, but the foundation of respect existed. Otherwise he would have failed at life. He is currently an Air Force SSGT with a squirrel security clearance, and studying computer science at UPAC. They are just two very different people, who make their own choices. Fast forward to last year, Evan's jr. year of high school, and the meltdown of his senses is complete. He continued to sign up for AP and Honors classes after several years of proving he will not do all the work and gets very poor grades, refuses to do any lick of house chores after making sure over time that he does a terrible job at them, and spends so long in the shower or toilet that we begin to ration his time to save money on the water bill. Hours would pass. Hours. Not on homework or research or diligently inventing a lifesaving innovation for a third world country. Just several hours out of each day on the toilet "@" in the shower, and otherwise hiding. We suspected drugs, and though I continually searched his room, I found no drug evidecne, just began to find thefting evidence. Our bluray was in his carryon bag in his closet. Food wrappers, candy wrappers he stole from his little siblings, regular books wrapped into school looking book jackets. Some of these may seem harmless at first glance, but there were also things we had not bought him and he had no money. We found he had stolen money from his siblings saving jar. We found he would begin to rage at us, and the raging would become carried away to where he refused to go to his room or take a walk, but continue to scream at myself or husband abusively, whether the kids were crying or not. We soon realized our lives revolved around policing his activities, and we were pretty in a prison. It did not begin to sink until I yelled at him during one fight,"You are infringing on my right to pursue happiness!" Since he moved put, with his elder brother for now, the peace has taken time to resettle, but it's like a tender breeze at times, reminding me on the nights I can barely sleep worrying about him that I did the right thing for the rest of us. He was abusive to our entire household. This is his bridge to rebuild.