Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677002" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>What changed for me is this: I began to see my life and my son's as separate entities. That I had a right to be happy, content and safe. That he had a right to his own decisions and priorities and I did not have a right to judge.</p><p></p><p>We are only miserable if we feel tied to them. That they take us with them. If you decide that you will not go there, by that I mean, limit conversations to that which you can tolerate, not asking questions, and cutting short complaining--your misery will stop.</p><p></p><p>If the children, her children, are in danger, there is the responsibility to involve authorities. Other than that, your daughter is an adult, well into adulthood, who has the right to choose her lifestyle.</p><p></p><p>Your life is your business and responsibility.</p><p></p><p>I have chosen to limit phone calls. I choose not to invite my son to my home. Things have gone missing in his last visits. A tablet computer and an electric razor, both of which he had expressed interest in, and I said no. I would never have believed he would steal, because that is what it was. I feel obligated to myself (and to him) to not invite him to my home until I feel sure that he will respect me and my home.</p><p></p><p>These are the steps that were necessary for me. They run absolutely contrary to my choices in the past. Since making these behavioral changes on my part, my state of mind has improved very much.</p><p></p><p>You can do this.</p><p></p><p>You are judging yourself very harshly.</p><p></p><p>You want your daughter and grandchildren fully in your life. On your own terms. Which I do not see as possible given that your daughter is fully an adult and her children are her own. Forgive me if I am seeing the situation incorrectly, but a choice can be made. The only options I see are these: To choose yourself, your self-respect, your peace of mind, your sanity, etc. or to continue as is. As is means subjecting yourself to the chaos and irresponsibility of your daughter's life style, over which you have not one bit of control.</p><p></p><p>There are no other options that I can see. You or any one of us, long ago lost control over deciding how our adult children live. That can be faced, or not. It is your choice.</p><p></p><p>As long as you choose to keep involved with your daughter without setting limits to protect yourself, you will continue to suffer. We have all been there. We understand. </p><p></p><p>Keep posting. It really helps. The actual responding to other parents helps as much or more as does posting about your particular circumstances.</p><p></p><p>Take care. Stop being so hard on yourself. You do not deserve it. It is not your fault. You are a mother who loves her child who would do anything to make it different. You cannot.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677002, member: 18958"] What changed for me is this: I began to see my life and my son's as separate entities. That I had a right to be happy, content and safe. That he had a right to his own decisions and priorities and I did not have a right to judge. We are only miserable if we feel tied to them. That they take us with them. If you decide that you will not go there, by that I mean, limit conversations to that which you can tolerate, not asking questions, and cutting short complaining--your misery will stop. If the children, her children, are in danger, there is the responsibility to involve authorities. Other than that, your daughter is an adult, well into adulthood, who has the right to choose her lifestyle. Your life is your business and responsibility. I have chosen to limit phone calls. I choose not to invite my son to my home. Things have gone missing in his last visits. A tablet computer and an electric razor, both of which he had expressed interest in, and I said no. I would never have believed he would steal, because that is what it was. I feel obligated to myself (and to him) to not invite him to my home until I feel sure that he will respect me and my home. These are the steps that were necessary for me. They run absolutely contrary to my choices in the past. Since making these behavioral changes on my part, my state of mind has improved very much. You can do this. You are judging yourself very harshly. You want your daughter and grandchildren fully in your life. On your own terms. Which I do not see as possible given that your daughter is fully an adult and her children are her own. Forgive me if I am seeing the situation incorrectly, but a choice can be made. The only options I see are these: To choose yourself, your self-respect, your peace of mind, your sanity, etc. or to continue as is. As is means subjecting yourself to the chaos and irresponsibility of your daughter's life style, over which you have not one bit of control. There are no other options that I can see. You or any one of us, long ago lost control over deciding how our adult children live. That can be faced, or not. It is your choice. As long as you choose to keep involved with your daughter without setting limits to protect yourself, you will continue to suffer. We have all been there. We understand. Keep posting. It really helps. The actual responding to other parents helps as much or more as does posting about your particular circumstances. Take care. Stop being so hard on yourself. You do not deserve it. It is not your fault. You are a mother who loves her child who would do anything to make it different. You cannot. COPA [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I really don't want to do this anymore !!!!!!
Top