I really hope I'm wrong

[JKF]

I hope I'm wrong but I have the feeling that difficult child is up to no good today. I got a call from him at 8:45 this morning at the day shelter. He said he took the early shuttle from SH into town and was at the day shelter using the computer. I didn't even know there was an "early shuttle". I thought there was only one - at 10 am - but I could be wrong bc some residents of the shelter DO work.

Anyway - I got another call around 3:45 from some weird local number. I took the chance and answered and it was difficult child saying he was calling from his roommate's cell phone. Supposedly they were walking from SH to the Quick Check which is about 2 miles from the shelter. He said their curfew is 7:30 (although I could swear it's 7) and that he'll call me from the shelter when he gets back.

I don't know - I just have 'that feeling' that something is up. Today marks a week since difficult child entered the SH and for him that's usually the end of the honeymoon period. Sigh.

I've officially decided that if he messes this up I'm done. I will have to cut ties with him because I've done everything I can do to help him. My health is suffering, my relationships are suffering, my life in general is suffering. If he can't follow simple rules and insists on being shady and doing the wrong thing than I have to walk away until he changes. If he ever does.

I really hope I'm wrong and that everything is ok. But deep down inside I know that it's probably not.

 

[welcometowitsend]

JKF - I hope you are wrong too. Sometimes we are. And waiting to see is no fun at all.

I don't blame you for being done with helping him. I kind of feel the same way with my difficult child. I have jumped through hoops, begged, pleaded, called every phone number and establishment ever mentioned to me for him. He has accepted no help from any of them, refuses appointments, etc.. It's frustrating. And I've been told by many professionals that there is something wrong when we are working harder for our difficult child's than they are. We shouldn't be.

Big hugs and sincere hopes that you are wrong and he was telling you the truth.

 

[JKF]

Thanks WTW. The waiting to see is definitely NO FUN! I'm the worst when it comes to that. I worry nonstop. I'm actually quite shocked I haven't had any heart related issues due to my constant, nonstop worry. Sigh.

Anyway, he just called me from SH. I know he's there bc the name and number come up on the caller ID. He said he made it back at 6 and that it was a long walk to and from Quick Check. He sounded like he's in a really good mood and was planning to spend the evening putting some books and games on his kindle. So it seems like all is well in his world tonight and I worried, once again, for no reason.

I guess I'm so traumatized from all of my "adventures" with difficult child that I instantly think the worst. Like I said in another post, I get PTSD like symptoms a lot these days. It affects every aspect of my life. I don't want to have to walk away from my son because I love that boy to death but I fear with all of my being that something is going to happen and that this ride will never end. I know I can't control fate so I'm going to have to work on making myself stronger against my fears. This whole process is so tiring sometimes!

 

[JKF]

I just talked to him again. He actually sounds manic. Rapid speech - I could barely keep up. Nonstop talk about how he modified his kindle and put a ton of games and movies and books on it. Ugh.

He also mentioned that he forgot to put his laundry away before leaving today and probably got written up but "no big deal".

I'm going to prepare myself for the when and not the if of this whole SH shelter thing going in the toilet. Perhaps if I prepare for the when it won't affect me as much. Who am I kidding though? It's still going to suck no matter what I do.

 

[DammitJanet]

How on earth do you have a Kindle when you are basically homeless? LOL. They have wifi at the SH? Well I get that but I thought you had to hook up a debit/credit card to the Kindle to download books and games?

 

[JKF]

How on earth do you have a Kindle when you are basically homeless? LOL. They have wifi at the SH? Well I get that but I thought you had to hook up a debit/credit card to the Kindle to download books and games?

LOL Skotti - it's a really old basic kindle that I had and gave to him. It's about 3 years old and maybe costs $60 new these days. No touch screen - just a manual pop up keyboard, black and white - no LED, no sound, no flash for animation, etc. Just your basic, run of the mill e-reader. It was just sitting here collecting dust so I figured he could use it for books and basic games etc. You can get the books free from the digital library in our county as long as you have a library card and the $0 games are downloadable through the Kindle App Store without a CC as long as you have an address set up. And even if that didn't work difficult child is a genius with operating systems, system programming, etc. He has that kindle doing things that even the programmers at Amazon probably don't know it can do! Now if only he'd use those skills to further himself in life!

He can use WiFi at SH for an hour each night and he can use WiFi at the library all he wants. And if you think a Kindle is bad you should see what some of the other guys have at SH! Laptops, smartphones, iPads, flat screen tv's, game systems, etc. Omg! must be nice! I figured a 3 year old dusty Kindle won't get difficult child in too much trouble and hopefully I'm right! lol

 

[welcometowitsend]

JKF - I'm relieved that he made it back last night. Day by day, right?

So maybe the lithium is not working for him? I've seen my difficult child like that sometimes - talks so fast and erratically you can't keep up with the conversation - and they're almost having the conversation with themselves anyway. Another thing my difficult child does? He has a great vocabulary and will purposely use words most of his peers don't understand in order to sound smarter and superior to them - he thinks it is fun to make them look stupid.

Hoping Safe Haven sees that maybe the antidepressant is kicking in faster than the lithium is and that something needs to be done about that.

And as far as the Kindle goes - LOL to Skotti's comment. It is funny and ridiculous that a basically homeless person owns an e-reader but JKF - you're right. When my difficult child was at a homeless shelter I was amazed by the technology the other young men had. They had brand new smart phones, brand name clothing, they sure didn't look homeless or destitute to me. These guys were lazing around the shelter at 10am, just getting out of bed and watching tv. Breakfast is at a set time but the shelter leaves cold cereal and milk and donuts out for the entire morning. Living the life, I guess.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I was reading this post and I thought of the time my difficult child was homeless and yet still somehow maintained her entitlement..........my SO commented on it, similar to what Skotti said, "your difficult child is an entitled homeless person" a strange phenomenon in our culture today, kids on the streets or in shelters with an Ipod, an Iphone, a MacPro laptop, designer duds and an air of superiority, it really is amazing.