i really need some advice - i am desperate

[kcg2917]

My 13 yr old daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and BiPolar. We have been trying to do the medication thing as well as therapy (in the past). Therapy didn't work. The medication's don't seem to work all the time in my opinion, but not sure. She gets these rages, has ripped her bedding, will not clean her room to the point there can be ants in there. Constantly picks on her little brother. STeals money and clothes from her older sister. Cusses (at times) to all of us. Doing poorly in school and lies alot. I really don't know what else to do. I feel like I need to send her to some sort of rehab facility. Her Biological father has not had much to do with her in years. It is getting so frustrating it is getting me to drink and get on medication to help me deal with her. HELP !!!!

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there. I just dropped home and checked the site and I wanted to welcome you, although I'm sorry you have to be here. Trust me, you are NOT alone.

I have some questions that may help us be able to help you better.

1/Has she always been this way? Has she ever been evaluated by a neuropsychologist? How did you get the diagnosis and what tests were given to her to conclude she has the diagnosis? While there are NO blood tests, there IS testing that can be done that can sort of direct the professional to one or another disorder. in my opinion NeuroPsychs do this the best--they tested my son for ten hours.

2/What medications is she on and has she been on? Did they make her worse? Has she tried any mood stabilizers (Depakote, Lithium, Lamictal, Tegretal, Trileptal). Has she been tried on stimulants and antidepressants and, if so, did they seem to make her even angrier and worse? Could she be dabbling with drugs/alcohol?

3/How was her early development as far as speech, eye contact, cuddling, milestones, ability to relate to others her own age as time went by? Does she know how to have a give and take conversation that requires abstract thinking? How are her grades? Does she have an IEP?

4/Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse issues in her family genetic background, including her absent biological father. Unfortunately, she does have half his genes...he could have passed something along even while not being there. Are you raising her alone?

You may want to do a signature like I did on the bottom of you page to give us all a quick overview of your situation.

This is a great group. The more you tell us, the more suggestions we can make. It sounds like she has some serious problems/disorders that either haven't responded to the treatment or perhaps she hasn't gotten the right treatment or diagnosis, which often happens too.

 

[busywend]

Welcome KCG!

We do have to take care of ourselves. Even if it means medication temporarily. I have been there done that!
What medications is she on?
Does she have supports at school? Does she have an IEP?

 

[graceupongrace]

Hi and welcome, KCG.

So sorry you're dealing with this. It's exhausting -- we've all been through it.

Kids this age often need more frequent medication adjustments as a result of hormonal changes and rapid growth spurts. The diagnosis also can change as symptoms evolve and new ones appear. Having a kid with these challenges is like having a typical teenager (typical teen) x 10.

Be kind to yourself.

 

[susiestar]

Welcome! It sounds like your hands are full but alcohol will NOT fix anything. Be very careful so you don't develop a problem with alcohol - NOT saying you have a problem, just that it can creep up with-o you knowing before you have a really BIG problem. (a quick and dirty rule of thumb is that if more than 1/3 of your daily calories are coming from alcohol then you may need help - this is the rule a nutritionist taught me.

MOST kids are diagnosis'd ADHD first. Seems that almost none avoid that diagnosis first. It is NOT always right.

We can help you more after you answer Midwestmom's questions.

For now, glad to meet you!

 

[kcg2917]

hi everyone, I really appreciate your replys and I take them all seriously;however, I am new at this and I do not know how to respond back to each one. Can someone advise. I feel like a dork considering I have 5 kids

 

[kcg2917]

Hi there. I just dropped home and checked the site and I wanted to welcome you, although I'm sorry you have to be here. Trust me, you are NOT alone.

I have some questions that may help us be able to help you better.

1/Has she always been this way? Has she ever been evaluated by a neuropsychologist? How did you get the diagnosis and what tests were given to her to conclude she has the diagnosis? While there are NO blood tests, there IS testing that can be done that can sort of direct the professional to one or another disorder. in my opinion NeuroPsychs do this the best--they tested my son for ten hours.

2/What medications is she on and has she been on? Did they make her worse? Has she tried any mood stabilizers (Depakote, Lithium, Lamictal, Tegretal, Trileptal). Has she been tried on stimulants and antidepressants and, if so, did they seem to make her even angrier and worse? Could she be dabbling with drugs/alcohol?

3/How was her early development as far as speech, eye contact, cuddling, milestones, ability to relate to others her own age as time went by? Does she know how to have a give and take conversation that requires abstract thinking? How are her grades? Does she have an IEP?

4/Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse issues in her family genetic background, including her absent biological father. Unfortunately, she does have half his genes...he could have passed something along even while not being there. Are you raising her alone?

You may want to do a signature like I did on the bottom of you page to give us all a quick overview of your situation.

This is a great group. The more you tell us, the more suggestions we can make. It sounds like she has some serious problems/disorders that either haven't responded to the treatment or perhaps she hasn't gotten the right treatment or diagnosis, which often happens too.

Hi I am not sure if I am responding right as this is my first time. I do not know how to do the signature thingy. She has gone through various tests, her grades are barely passing how they put her in 8th grade I don't know. The school system does not help. She is on Seroquel and something that starts with a 'Ph' I believe (I am at work so I don't know off the top of my head. She had a perfectly normal development in my opinion. Just had a few issues when she was in "K" as I was going through my divorce. There is no abuse, alcohol or drug issues with her. I remarried so my husband is raising her with me (he has been apart of her life since the day she was born). Between my husband and I we have 5 kids 23 (stepson) 19 (stepson) 16 (daughter) 13 (daughter) 7 (adopted son).

 

[BusynMember]

Hi again.

Even if your husband adopted her, she is still biologically her birthfather's child and could have inherited something from his side of the family. If he is a drug abuser, mood disorders usually go along with that and they are inherited. That's why we ask. Did she have any neuropsychologist testing or just school testing?

My advice is to get a neuropsychologist evaluation. If the medications and therapy are not working the diagnosis could be wrong which could be why she is so out of control. Medication only helps if it is the right diagnosis plus the right medications for THAT child...all are different. If she is not getting any better, I suggest you re-visit the evaluation process, and maybe seek a different opinion. I would not trust the school district to give any diagnosis or advice. They tend not to hire the best and brightest or do very good testing. You really need to nip this before she gets older and you CAN'T control her because of her age. Good luck.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Kcg, welcome.
I am so sorry about your daughter.
It's okay to go on medications yourself, to deal with-her. Lots of people here have done that. It takes superhuman effort not to lose it with-these kids!
I agree with-the others, that I would have more testing done.
It doesn't sound like the medications are working right now.
When did your daughter's issues first appear?

 

[kcg2917]

No my ex wasn't a drug user or anything and as far as mood problems for him he had nothing out of the norm that I knew of or saw. My daughter was tested by a Physotherapist through a long question evaluation process that she, myself, my husband, my 16 year old daughter, and two teachers completed individually. Each school quarter I have her teachers complete an evaluation to see if there are any changes either good or bad also. Granted that fantastic PMS time is here with her. I have even tried to give her Estroven to see if that helps and sometimes it does. I still need help thought