I REFUSE to take him with me anymore!! LONG

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Aug 21, 2007.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Oh, hon. been there done that too many times to count. When my difficult child was that age, I was too afraid to make eye contact with anyone, let alone put them in their place when they made rude comments. Now, it's a different story, but then I just wanted to become invisible.

  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Why is it that we all HATE going to the GYN, yet they make us sit there soooo long? I don't think I've waited that long to get tickets for a concert that I WANTED to see! Just a pet peeve!

    It sounds like you handled it all beautifully! The only thing I would have done differently is that I would've gotten a lot nastier to the snotty little girl than you were! Not that I'm wishing anything bad on another human being but considering the fact that some type of autism effects 1 in 160ish births, some more of the Perfect People in this world better wake up to the fact they may have or be related to a difficult child sooner than they think!

    REMEMBER: The people who know the absolute most about raising children are priests, nuns and lay people who have no kids. They know it all! :rofl:

    I'm glad the staff and dr. understood! And think about it: you probably helped make up the mind of some young girl who was thinking about having a baby to keep her boyfriend!! :biggrin:

    Sorry you had such a junky experience!

  3. twistedfrog

    twistedfrog New Member

    sending hugs your way hun. been there done that. it makes me crazy when people try to " help" and they have no idea.
  4. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    My husband has a college buddy who comes over maybe 3 times a year, the most recently a poker night. Well this friend is a highschool teacher, no kids of his own though. In less than 30 minutes he's erked one of my close friends who has a daughter with social anxiety disorder, telling her he doesn't believe that she should be granted special circumstances in class just because she has a 504 status. That she should present her report in front of everyone just like the rest of the kids, how else is she going to overcome her SAD? He also loves to tell us how bedtime should work here. How he doesn't understand why youngest difficult child has to go to bed 30 minutes earlier than everyone else, especially when youngest easy child is younger than he is. I explain its because he can't fall asleep if there are others in there to distract him and easy child takes a nap each day. Then I realize, hey, why am I explaining myself to this guy, I don't have to.

    BRAVO to you for putting everyone in their place! I hate dealing with it inside my home or with friends, nevermind in public with strangers. You did great! I'm sorry it was so awful though!
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    difficult child 3's drama class includes a lot of kids with various problems. One boy has Prader-Willi, which means that he is ALWAYS hungry (his body cannot tell him when he has eaten enough) and also cannot be fed as much because their bodies only need about two thirds the calories of others.

    It was her birthday so the family went out to a family restaurant with a buffet. This kid was grabbing at all the food, wanted everything on the buffet and had to be stopped from taking too much. His mother had to take a lot of the food away since it WAS far too much and would have made him sick. He immediately began screaming, "But I'm starving! Give it back! It's MY food! I'm starving!" (and remember, they DO feel like they're starving).

    He was grabbing food on other plates too, eating with his hands and generally being noisy and disruptive. Others in the restaurant were trying to ignore them but one young couple, maybe about 20, looked very critical. it finally got so bad that they decided to call off the birthday dinner and leave.

    This mother is a real lady, in every way, but will still take no nonsense. As she left she conveyed her message very effectively by cheerily saying loudly to the restaurant - "Are there any takers to adopt a Special Needs child? Anyone? Feel free, just say the word..."

  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sounds like an awful day! Hopefully, things will be better tomorrow.

    I know I refused to take my little one to any doctor's appointment with me. It was begging for a meltdown. If I did have to take her to her appointment, I made it abundantly clear that we would not wait in the waiting room. If we did have to wait, they would have to put us in an examination room. I would always bring a backpack full of things to do and a few snacks. At least she would be happily occupied for 10 minutes or so.

    I do have one comment/suggestion. Please talk to your psychiatrist about how to safely restrain him. Just holding him around the waist while his legs and arms are free is a disaster waiting to happen. There are ways to restrain a child that are safe for both the child and the parent.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry for your bad experience-not fun at all. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Hugs.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm wondering if the crowded waiting area and the long wait aggravated the whole situation. Didn't help you were getting input from people who honestly should have kept quiet. I think you handled it pretty darn well. Not so easy to do in a waiting room.

    This is the reason I always made appoints so that husband had to come along. lol There were many appoints where we'd have to tag team it so I could handle the difficult child that was out of control. We never had a sitter, so it was always take all 3 kids to every appoint. Most of the time it worked out ok, but if the waiting area was crowded it always set Travis off, who then would trigger Nichole. :crazy2:

  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I would have left, or at least taken him out of there. No reason they should have to endure that kind of behavior. You never know. Perhaps one of those people got away from a difficult child for one hour for her appointment and she still had to have a difficult child ruin her peace time.
    Sorry, I do not mean to offend. But, I am always thinking of others - it is my nature.

    I would have tried taking him for a walk outside, or taken the treat to calm him. Or asked to be put in a room in the back, not to get in earlier than entitled to, but to just give the waiting room peace.

    I sure would have spoken to him about the behavior (which might never have gotten to such levels if you went for a walk) on the way home and even perhaps a small punishment to instill that behavior is not acceptable.

    by the way, my difficult child was ALWAYS anxious in dr offices. We started doing the 'I Spy' game everytime we were in doctors offices. I worked everytime. Sometimes I hated it - but I hated the behavior that would come out if we did not play the game. If you are not aware of the game, I can explain it.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Center of attention? Or more anxious when more people are around?

    Just prodding your thoughts.
  11. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I try not to take Son with me just about ANYWHERE I go. Sometimes, we have to take them. Sometimes, we just can't walk out.

    Son is difficult in public places.He's just too figety and gets bored easily. Plus, because he struggles with boundries, he thinks nothing of trying to go in where the waiting rooms are and wandering around. He will read anything lying around including confidential information. I have to go every week to get my allergy shots. This week, I had to take him. Sometimes it gets very crowded. I was nervous. I always try to go when it's not busy, but sometimes it's not possible. He did okay, but did end up lying on the floor. It was okay, though. He was quiet.

    Here's the thing with Son when he gets out of hand. NO amount of talking from me will help calm him down. It actually makes it worse. He begins to start yelling, "What am I doing wrong?!", or, "Stop bothering me, Mom!" He just doesn't get it.

    I had to go register Daughter for school today. NO WAY was I taking Son. Luckily, a friend had invited him over to play. He would want to start socializing with the school staff (which really isn't too bad, but again, he doesn't know when I stop and he gets way too familiar)and wandering around, and going into people's offices.

    I have to give a big "WHATEVER!" to the stressed teenager. To most teens, the Sun revolves around THEM. I would have probably held the door open for her. Buh Bye!
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ilovemyson, this is one of the hard parts - but very helpful for you and difficult child.

    Keep an eye out for this behavior and see if it happens more or gets worse when he is around a lot of people. If it does, you have a better chance of helping him out with it. Hard to change someone who wants to be the center of attention. You can help someone that is anxious, though. Or at least try. You can speak to him before hand to explain who or how many people will be there. You can ask him if there is a way he can let you know when he is feeling restless and needs to move around. The more he knows going in, the better off you will both be. If it is him getting anxious - just think how much differently you react - with concern instead of annoyance (believe me - I have been there - LOL!). With ideas on hand to help him not be so anxious. It helps you both.

    It might help to keep a journal of difficult children behavior - that is how to find patterns. Some people even track foods and bed times to see how much changes in those impact behavior.
  13. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    You know, I had a problem with my difficult child at church - CHURCH!!! He was 7 years old and getting ready to go on stage to sing with children's choir - after practicing for a few months. This was the Christmas program. Well, while sitting in sanctuary adn waiting for program to start (difficult child was asked to be there 1 hour early to go back over stuff - so we had been there for 15 minutes) when difficult child comes in to sanctuary and sits down by me - very quietly might I add. I asked him if they were through practicing and he said no - Mr. Holier than Thou Christian & Children's Choir Director (haha - okay - he didn't say ALL that!!) told me to come in here and stay. Of course, I ask why and he said 'Because I am a bad boy." HA! That just slapped me in the FACE!

    I walk back to where the kids are and march in and ask what is going on? The man and the mother of another child told me that my difficult child never listens to them and won't be still and screeches insteads of singing and they won't allow him to be in the program. Now, mind you, he has been with them for a few months - and I am JUST NOW hearing about it. I told them that he IS going to sing and that my son is making a JOYFUL NOISE unto the Lord (I really didn't know what else to say). The man tells me that my difficult child would be just fine with a good, old fashioned spanking. That made my blood BOIL!! I mean, beat him to act straight? I WISH that was all I ever had to do!!!

    Well, he was in the program - actually kind of froze on stage in front of all the people - and did just fine. I began being choir director after that year and he didn't act any worse than the other mom's child who was in there. Hmmmpf.

    Now difficult child is 15 and we sort of deal with it. Every day, he wants to be something else when he gets older - sometimes a singer, or an underwater welder, or a fireman, or a mechanic, or a medical office assistant, or a policeman, and even a nurse. I do admire his very active mind and his "I can do anything attitude" - but it can get overwhelimg too.

    I'm glad you stood up to those people in the waiting room - it has taken me a few years to get bold - I wish I was bolder when difficult child was younger - but you have "BALLS!" LOL

    good luck!
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It says "make a JOYFUL noise unto the Lord" - it says nothing about having to be tuneful!

    We had a few difficult kids in our choir when I was a kid - our choir mistress had a terrible time with Warwick. Harvest Festival, Warwick nicks an apple from the altar. He's walking along, tossing it in the air and catching it - when the preacher walks past the other way, catches the apple mid-air and puts it back on the altar.

    My mother took over the choir for a few months, while her friend was in hospital. She got annoyed with Warwick one practice and had him come stand down the front where she could keep an eye on him. But this meant he was nearer her perceptive ear and she stopped us. "Warwick, sing that last verse again, but on your own this time."
    He did and we were gobsmacked. What a voice! After that, Warwick was groomed for solos and actually began to behave a lot better. He was given more challenging music (ie put in with the harmony kids) and began to do really well in other areas.

    Another boy, Mark, was also difficult at times. Our conductor was back from hospital and used my mother's trick - "Mark, come stand down near me, see if that helps you stand a bit quieter."
    Mark tried, he really did. He was a good kid at heart, but the conductor's ear heard the poor boy couldn't hold the note. And we were about to enter a really important competition!
    "Mark, try that note again - no, dear, that's sharp. Go a little lower. No, that's too low." She tried to help him, by now he was feeling awful. She let him go back to his place and listened again - with other kids on either side he could manage a little better, but she could still hear the off note. She rearranged kids around him so he had a strong, accurate voice on each side of him and we swung into practice. At no time did she suggest he would have to leave the choir because he was tone deaf.

    And we won the competition - WITH Mark! Interestingly, Warwick was in the same competition but not with us - he was now a soloist. Much better behaved these days. I can't remember how he did - third, I think.

    If you give a kid a fair go, try to find ways around the problem, you do a lot better. And any kid who really wants to be there - there should be room for them to be there.

    One of the choirs we were competing against used to compete around the world. They had a blind girl in their ranks. The other girls would hold her hands, elephant parade style, to help her into the correct position on stage. Nobody was left out. And they were really good! (and we beat them - yay! A huge honour).

  15. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm sorry you had this experience. I think you handled it brilliantly! I hope that the paxil helps take the edge off. I'm taking Celexa for depression and anxiety (mostly over difficult child) and it helps a lot. It isn't a miracle cure, but it does help. Hugs, Michele.
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank God I'm past the restraining stage. My son was fighting back and nearly winning. We had to change our tactics.
    I know how hard it must have been in the waiting room with-all those different personalities, how it must have affected all of you. Sigh.
    Tomorrow has GOT to be better.
  17. Babbs

    Babbs New Member

    Many hugs to you ILOVEMYSON <<hugs>> I think many of us have been there and it sounds as though you did an amazing job both standing up for yourself and him, controlling him, and getting your appointment taken care of at the same time.

    I've had to do restraints in public and it just ain't fun as you know. Mine was 5 but he's always been huge for his age - he was the size of a 2nd grader! I always had restrain him from behind, wrap my arms around his, sit down on the floor bringing him with me and then wrapping my legs over his thighs to keep him from kicking or getting up. Having done this manuever in the middle of a Target to keep him from knocking over an entire shelf, I can attest to the fact that although it works, it can be quite uncomfortable to deal with the social peer pressure from other shoppers.

    Unfortunately, most doctors, even psychiatrists, have never had to actually restrain a patient themselves - that's what the lowly CNAs and nurses are for! I know that school districts have to train their staff on physical restraint techniques - I wonder if you'd be able to attend one for free considering you have a child who is in their attendance area. If not, the instructor may have better suggestions for techniques or even a community based class that you can take.

    Hope he calms down and you have a smoother road. I wonder, does he escalate in crowds often? Have you ever had him tested for sensory processing disorders?
  18. Babbs

    Babbs New Member

    ODD with high risk of ADHD? Hm, sounds like you have some work cut out for you since ODD does not typically occur without a concurrent condition.

    Out of curiosity, who did the sensory processing disorder testing?
  19. Babbs

    Babbs New Member

    A neuropsychologist did the sensory processing testing?

    If I were in your position I would find a good occupational therapist and have him tested. Occupational Therapist (OT)'s are the specialists when it comes to sensory processing - unfortunately there are too many neuropsyche's who don't believe in "that sensory integration stuff" and a neuropsychologist is not trained in sensory processing to the extent an occupational therapist is trained. Most neuropscyhologists look for "soft neurological signs" but do not do a full sensory processing profile nor have the training to appropriately interpret the results.

    An Occupational Therapist (OT) in the school district can test for sensory processing difficulties, but you'll get a much more thorough evaluation if you take him into a pediatric Occupational Therapist (OT) clinic and have an Occupational Therapist (OT) who has specialized training in sensory processing disorders.