I should have known....

[toughlovin]

OK I guess I am becoming an old fogie.... but really todays youth culture is so different with all the stuff online etc!! Sometimes I think it is just going to drive me nuts.

So yesterday I see all this stuff on FB that has me very very concerned about difficult child. Dark stuff. Sounding suicidal, sounding like he is cutting and also homeless. I am trying not to panic. I have no idea what I can do if anything. I emailed my friend in Denver this morning wondering if I should try to call the homeless youth program out there but suspecting they wont tell me anything anyways. I did sleep last night but everytime I woke up I would check to see if difficult child had left me any messages. My husband is away and so I am stewing by myself. I am managing but feel haunted.

So my friend called me this morning and was a great voice of reason. She asked me if he could be posting song lyrics!! Oh yeah... is this where I can oh koi!!! He has done this before, I have learned this before that the darkest most poetical stuff is usually song lyrics... and oh that would explain why some of his fb friends "liked" what he posted. I have no idea why that thought did not enter my head????

So I went on line and the worst stuff is song lyrics!!! She also talked me about the services in Denver and help me feel in general reassured that this is another one of his drama things.

I am still worried about him but a little calmer this morning. Another friend suggested I stop looking at FB which is a suggestion I make to others...lol.... but since it is my only means of communication with him I dont think I can do that... but man oh man I have to keep things in perspective.

TL

 

[Nancy]

I wish I had thought about that, I should have because I have gotten very upset before reading some of difficult child's posts on fb only to find they were song lyrics. I think your friend is right and you should stop reading fb. I know it's hard because I went through tat. Finally difficult child defriended me because I would ask her what her comments meant and she got angry. Although it hurt that she defriended me I'm almost glad I can no longer see what she posts.

 

[toughlovin]

Yeah I need to find a balance. I do get emails when he posts and when he has sent me a message. Maybe I need to make a point only to check when I get an email, rather than obsessively checking to see nothing. I dont know.... I am going to have to think about the balance. It would be easier not to look if I had some other way of communicating with him.

Meanwhile had great teacher conferences with my PCs teachers yesterday. They love her and she is doing great in school.

TL

 

[buddy]

Sorry for the drama but such great news about easy child. Sometimes I wish I had a easy child.....just sometimes.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Whew! That is kinda funny about the song lyrics - I must be an old fogey too. on the other hand, I would think if you post something on FB, like song lyrics, you agree with what they mean, or they "speak" to you in some way. The fact that he's posting stuff that may be about cutting, etc., would still be worrisome, I think? I don't know...it could be just drama, drama, drama again, though. Sigh.
So very glad about easy child, though. I'm happy she's thriving - good for her!

 

[Nancy]

I have learned now to copy and paste posts into google to see if they are lyrics.

 

[InsaneCdn]

As long as you're not seeing versions of lyrics like Buddy's Q does... (see her recent post)

 

[toughlovin]

Yeah I know how to look for lyrics too... really I cant believe I didnt think of that because I used to check all the time.

And now I am getting p****d... he has been online today. A patriotic quote and a funny picture so he is obviously alive and ok. But did he respond to any of MY messages? Of course not. He scared the koi out of me and can't respond when obviously I was worried.

The good thing is my being mad got me to a better place!! And it is interesting to me that he skyped us earlier in the week, which felt like a reaching out to connect and now he has totally backed off. For whatever reason I think connecting with us is painful or makes him feel vulnerable or something.

Or maybe I am reading too much into it and he is just a little koi with no heart except when he wants something from us.

TL

 

[Nancy]

See now why I get angry when they do this stuff? We get upset and worried and can't sleep or think about anything and they are just going on with their lives. It still amazes me that he is able to get online as much as he does.

 

[SuZir]

The good thing is my being mad got me to a better place!! And it is interesting to me that he skyped us earlier in the week, which felt like a reaching out to connect and now he has totally backed off. For whatever reason I think connecting with us is painful or makes him feel vulnerable or something.

i think it is always painful for them. They do know we had higher expectations and hopes for them. They do know they failed to full those expectations. I think most of them had higher expectations for themselves. Having to face that failure hurts.

Most of people wouldn't consider me difficult child (expect some stunts I have made.) I'm boring, middle class, taxpaying good citizen. However I haven't filled my parents' expectations. And even though I chose differently intentionally and didn't want to fill those expectations, it hurt a long time to have to face that reality. And I'm happy with my choices most of the time. It has to hurt so much more when you are not truly satisfied with how your life turned out.

 

[toughlovin]

Nancy he somehow has gotten himself a handheld playstation device... have no idea how and I dont think I want to know!!! So I think he just needs wifi which he can get several places for free.

And Suz... you are right. It must be hard to face your parents when you have screwed up so badly... still I think he could have some consideration for me!!

TL