I shouldn't laugh but.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Feb 26, 2011.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    difficult child's anxiety is rising again. The reason struck my funny bone and left me almost speechless. I tried really hard not to show my amusement but he saw through me.

    The subject of heaven came up in Confirmation class last week. difficult child would have a better handle on his anxiety if he didn't over analysis every thing. He doesn't want to go to heaven (it's o.k., he doesn't want to go the other place either so heaven it will be). He says he is not looking forward to it. Why? Because there will be no change - life will be the same forever - and you know how long forever is? He wants God to move us around from time to time - a change of scenery, a vacation a day off, etc. I so wish he hadn't put that thought into my mind! I think I agree with him. LOL!!! It does sound boring doesn't it! ROFL!!! However, he is super anxious about this so I tried to hold it in the best I could and shared my view point - that everyone will be at peace and you will not even know what boredom is and we don't know, maybe God will move us around from time to time? Not sure that helped him.

    I am not laughing tonight though - He said he didn't feel well tonight and when I asked what was going on, he said he is starting to feel like he used to (during his anxiety days). I told him that panic/anxiety attacks can come up for no reason. He seemed relieved at that. Then I remembered husband had told me that difficult child was in his office before supper reading the bible so I asked what he was reading about. He stated the events leading up to the crucifixtion. I asked why he was reading this and he stated that something was brought up during Confirmation and he was looking into what the bible says about it. He said he felt like this before reading and I told him that if it was something from Confirmation that the info was already working inside of him and that could be what is triggering the anxiety.

    This may be an interesting Easter! For now I am letting him deal with it. See if he can conquer it on his own tonight. I will dig a little deeper tomorrow for more info about what he is struggling with if he is still anxious or maybe just talk to him about what tools he is choosing to use to combat the anxiety. I don't know that I can help him with the subject he is struggling with so I will work with him on how to deal with the anxiety it is causing.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Well, I believe that Heaven is a place where we will be very much happy and at peace and our needs will be met and we will enjoy ourselves very much while we work to help God with His plan. This being the case, if what you need to truly be happy is to have things change sometimes, then you will get that.

    Not sure it meets the strict definition of Heaven, if there is one, but it is the only way that I can figure out for all of us to be very happy and rewarded for eternity. Nothing else makes any sense to me, so this is my idea about it.

    Maybe this is a definition that will help him with the concept. He reminds me of a boy I went to Catholic school with - really nice kid but tended to worry about a lot of things that were way in the future and we had no control over. Oddly, I just connected with him on FB via other classmates. I remember a discussion about Heaven where he was worried about being bored after a being there for a while. It was in 5th grade, the last year we had a lay teacher for religion - she spent most of the period on our ideas of Heaven after this came up.

    How strange that your difficult child would have this worry now when I had just connected with him after more than 30 years!
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Interesting Andy. When I was young, I remember driving home with my family late one night. I was at the window seat (being the oldest!) and was leaning against the window looking at the moon. It got me thinking about heaven. I started thinking about forever. To me, the symbol of forever was a long line of people, you could never see the end of, standing on clouds! I was worried. I went in to school on Monday and asked Sister Marie-Peirrer how could heaven be forever, what was forever, how could this be? Her answer, "Because that is what God tells us". I got no satisfaction and was upset about it for weeks. So, I can so relate to your difficult child. I think it's what led me to take philosophy classes!

  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I always asked the questions where the only answer they had for me was the whole "works in mysterious ways" thing they tell you when they don't have an answer.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    HaoZi, I got that answer a lot in school. Drove me nuts. Clearly, the teachers/nuns didn't have an answer.

    Andy, husband was in an Easter play at his church several yrs ago. He was one of the other guys on the cross. Had to scream out in pain when the nails were being driven it, etc. I found a copy of background info to help him prepare for the part. DO NOT let difficult child Google crucifixion! I didn't realize that you actually suffocate from the weight of your own body. OMG, *I* practically had an anxiety attack, and I'm a grownup.

    Yes, anxiety attacks can be the accumulation of a series of events and they don't necessarily come on the instant that a thought or event occurs. You deal with-things in the present because that's what we do for survival and what evolution has taught us to to. Afterward, when the danger has passed, we have all the time in the world to freak out.

  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    By his age, that was the answer I was getting from the priests, I'd already given up on the teachers, lol.

    by the way, real life experiments have disproven the suffocation theory.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was the only one in the entire family who questioned the Nuns and Priests. My Mother was aghast. My biggest issue was that at that time the Church taught you had to belong to the one true church in order to get to heaven.....my Dad was not a Roman Catholic. There was no way that made sense to me in fifth grade. I wanted to discuss it logically. Not!

    Probably that is why (at 70, omg) I get turned off by any faith or creed that assumes it is THE one. Baloney! There's no way that you could be born in a region that believed trees or whatever were to be worshiped and be denied eternal life. Somehow my entire Irish family was able to sift through the quandries and remain loyal to THE faith. Believe me I was not a rebel but I did and still do hesitate to accept stuff that can't be proven. I hope he is able to sift through the dogma and come out a better person for it. It is mindboggling even for easy child's. DDD
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    the fact that you added humor oh you are a seasoned difficult child mom now!! lol good for you!! :)

    listen to be honest when difficult child and i have been going to diff churches each sunday trying to find a good fit, and we walked into one that yes talked about death, god, etc. and the other interesting facts of this particular religion she got anxiety ridden in a hot second.

    dying is a hard concept for anyone, imagine how hard for a kid? that's why i guess we're really shopping around to find the "right" religion for her. sounds silly yet certain ones trigger anxiety i think for my difficult child at least due to the strictness and harshness of it, whereas others have a diff approach. maybe you can spin it for him somehow?

    i think religion for kids like ours is a good thing a new view for me. never been a church goer always spritual though. yet when i saw how diff religions can takea diff spin on things diff rules thoughts values etc to some extent i said to myself wow good we're shopping around!

    good luck either way
  9. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    My mother in law tells the story of how when H was about 7, they were learning about the theory of Papal infallibility. H asked the nun how she knew the Pope never made a mistake - she didn't LOOK 2,000 years old!

    mother in law says it's no wonder she wound up with a Jewish daughter in law!
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thanks everyone! Yeah, I know beliefs are very personal and I would never try to change difficult child's. He has a faith stronger than anyone I know. I never went beyond heaven is a wonderful place to think about the details of that wonder and what it would really be.

    difficult child is a very deep thinker. And though that is a very good thing, I think it is also his curse. He thinks into things that he is not ready to solve or understand and then gets scared. Like being so anxious over how he could support a wife and child when he was older at the age of 11. He was trying to figure that out without the knowledge that as he grows he will get more tools (education, a job, understanding on how the adult world of bills work, etc.). He really thought that because he could not do it at that point in his life than he would never be able to do it. It was about the time that Diva was making decisions for life after high school and difficult child took on those issues to himself.

    Something is definately going on with him this week. He had a dream last night that he yelled at H's mom (I know he wants so bad to do so but I will not allow it), she sued, she lost, he sued back, and he won. At least he was able to release some frustrations/anger in his dreams. His struggles and anger stay with him for so long. I am hoping he will soon see the need to discuss this with therapist. He doesn't think therapist will be able to help so doesn't want to bring it up. I know difficult child - if he is not open to a discussion, he will not get anything from it but just the opposite of pushing him further away from the subject. I have to patiently wait for him to be lured to the place (or for him to willing walk into the place) where he will understand the need for that discussion.

    He says today that he is feeling anxious. And though I do know there is not always a reason, I think the combination of dealing with H's accusations (difficult child says H's mom is trying to poison me against him like she has poisoned Diva against him. Diva always believes H's mom.) and the Confirmation lessons along with the Easter season.

    Good for him to be really thinking about things - but does it have to go so deep as to bring on the anxiety?

    Want to know something that I think is amazing? He is ahead on his memorization work! He looks at the assignment on the way to school and then for some reason once he gets into the classroom, he is able to memorize anything! And I am talking about long stuff - not just a verse. Think about the Apostle's Creed if you are familiar with it. That is the length of some of his assignments. An article plus it's meaning. He started work on one of them on the way to school on Wednesday and when I picked him up after Confirmation he tells me he got three (3) memories done including this one! Granted, the other two where shorter but still - and he does not have the work with him all day - it stays in the van and I drop it off at church after school.

    Two Falls ago when he started Confirmation, he was behind by atleast 7 because he just could not do it! We both hate Wednesday because of the memorization. We are both glad it is almost over. Three more memories and he will be done with out of the classroom work (he is the 1st of all the kids to finish the sermon notes needed).

    His faith is so important to him!