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I sooo knew this was going to happen!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 582328" data-attributes="member: 455"><p>yeah....what she said! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>lol</p><p></p><p>Well she got off and I'm thankful. After decision was made I could feel the "weight" of it all lifting as I always do and realize I would get "my" life back (such as it is with difficult children in the house but it is "MY" life). It's strange that I have to not only be on toes with difficult children but when she is around, my whole being is like I'm on high alert and have to be totally conscious of everything I do, think, or say at all times. It's like never, ever having a rest. I mean we're like that with our difficult children but this....this is very very different. The best way I can describe it is like having a stalker in your life and you have to be very vigilant and cognizant of your surroundings. Totally. So that you have total recall at a moment's notice if necessary to be able to retell, in detail, the "scene" per say. Also, you CAN'T do or have anything for fear of some kind of repercussion (the jealousy factor?). For example, I needed some new dishes as over time mine have gotten broken and I was down to pickings (plus difficult children take them up to room and we run out no matter how much I get on them to bring down to be washed at times). So I went to wally world and found simple blue glass ones on sale at a very cheap price. Now these are not Corelle, my first choice as they hold up far better, but too expensive for me to do these days and I need 2 sets. So I bought them. I wanted the clear set not the blue ones I ended up with. Oh well I got what I could afford and what they had. The clear set only had 1 set left. I bring them home and she is all like "Ohhh ahhh, etc..I want..." but she didn't have the money for them because as I had said, they don't have it and they had JUST gotten down here on a wing and a prayer (which my help and the donations I rounded up for them from various agencies). What does she do, she runs out at some point and BOUGHT the clear set (she was afraid she'd loose out on getting them since only 1 set left). I don't know when she snuck in a run to do that while she must have been out for something else. I only found out about her buying them when a week ago I offered her my old dishes (which would have given them a set of 4, which all they needed). She says, "no, that's ok, I got the clear dishes!" I was all like you did? Last I knew you said you didn't have money and wished you COULD get them! Just an example of how she gets caught up in her lies but also an example of jealousy and how I can get or do something and she has to follow suit even if she can't (whether due to finances or otherwise).</p><p></p><p>I hate the fact that once she made this decision as well and went all nasty she then turns around and acts all sweet and nice (kind of like the honeymoon phase in abuse) as if nothing happened. I should be thankful she didn't continue being nasty and I am but don't go being sweet, overly and as if nothing happened and you weren't hurtful either (and no apologies). I was very hard being around her for the 48 hours after that. I just wanted it overwith. I wanted distance, not to find every possible reason to to "talk" or be nice. Oh and it didn't stop her from continuing to ask for yet more information or help for when she got back up there! I kept it very vague to non answers. For my step dad I responded but to her not so much. She would come to me and be like "I already did this and this and this and we're going to do this and this and this and I talked to blah, blah, blah and made it clear that once we're back up there it's going to be like this and not that again..." I DO NOT CARE NOR WANT TO HEAR IT!</p><p></p><p>So this morning, true to form as I anticipated, her leaving would cause some uproar with difficult children. Though ms queen is usually the one who gets severely emotional over things like this and grandma leaving, she did not. She went off to school with a very simple goodbye! NO TEARS! I'm not sure, but I actually think that she finally sees her grandmother for who she is, as opposed to the person she used to be so close to and idolized. In a way it's sad but in another way it's a very good thing. On the other side is mr busy. He just doesn't take all the transitions good at all. With their coming and going. It messes with him badly and gives him anxiety period as his "routines" are messed with. First he had to give up his room where he played his video games and watched tv so this last month he's been basically going bananas with nothing to do (can't move the tv as it's a big old projection style in 1 unit thing that HE got himself from a neighbor through some kind of bargaining). He had semi settled his over all anxiety and fell back into routine after the first 48 hours but overall we've had battles with him all month long due to boredom. He's behaviors have been ramped up. Of course my mother never understands him fully (only sometimes when she felt like it) so she would often go off on him with HER mouth and the one thing you can't do with ODD is feed into the power struggle which is exactly what she does because she must have the power and always feels like "how dare a child do this or that or get away with this or that, etc". Anyway, this morning for him it was bad. For the first in about a week he was actually UP to go to school without a fight! Imagine that!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> BUT, then it started happening, his anxiety as they were loading their van to go with the last of the stuff his anxiety of routine disruption happened plus I turn on computer and find that at some point last night he put a password on it at the level ABOVE BIOS! ( I have a password on it at BIOS and login). Then he refused to even give that to me. A battle ensued to get him to give it, he woudn't. He wanted to enter it and was going to "show" me what he did only he couldn't replicate how he did it. I kind of knew the screen he was trying to get to but he wasn't able to get to it. In the mean time my mom was having a whole lot to say to him (beyond what I had said and SO) so he had 3 people on him (I can get away with it as I know how and what to say but SO and her do NOT). It just escalated to beyond! He refused even more but did give me password (as I said I know how to work with him) but by then he was refusing to go to school. I knew it was going to take time to de-escalate him before he'd get into school and I knew he WOULD get there but it would take time and for everyone to back off and leave him alone! He was also upset at them leaving, which was the under tone that no one knew but me. </p><p></p><p>He finally went up to his room, I fixed the computer and everyone else went about their business. All in all, 2 hours wasted because no on wants to listen to me on how he has to be handled because they all "know how" it should be done and "he gets away" with everything. REALLY? I don't think so. I called his caseworker during all this so it's on report and will be dealt with, he'll have a consequence for it. There is no getting away with it but yelling at him, staying on him is not productive either and I do KNOW this from years of experience! GAH.....</p><p></p><p>Yes......I am thankful she is gone sadly...I have my life back....I don't think I can say it enough....and I've said it before in life. I can not live on edge like that ever again or anymore. It's worse then living with difficult children, honestly. Perhaps it's why I can handle difficult children as well and their koi takes a lot before it drains me. Lifelong learning primed me I guess.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the warm thoughts. I do appreciate it very much. The support helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 582328, member: 455"] yeah....what she said! ;) lol Well she got off and I'm thankful. After decision was made I could feel the "weight" of it all lifting as I always do and realize I would get "my" life back (such as it is with difficult children in the house but it is "MY" life). It's strange that I have to not only be on toes with difficult children but when she is around, my whole being is like I'm on high alert and have to be totally conscious of everything I do, think, or say at all times. It's like never, ever having a rest. I mean we're like that with our difficult children but this....this is very very different. The best way I can describe it is like having a stalker in your life and you have to be very vigilant and cognizant of your surroundings. Totally. So that you have total recall at a moment's notice if necessary to be able to retell, in detail, the "scene" per say. Also, you CAN'T do or have anything for fear of some kind of repercussion (the jealousy factor?). For example, I needed some new dishes as over time mine have gotten broken and I was down to pickings (plus difficult children take them up to room and we run out no matter how much I get on them to bring down to be washed at times). So I went to wally world and found simple blue glass ones on sale at a very cheap price. Now these are not Corelle, my first choice as they hold up far better, but too expensive for me to do these days and I need 2 sets. So I bought them. I wanted the clear set not the blue ones I ended up with. Oh well I got what I could afford and what they had. The clear set only had 1 set left. I bring them home and she is all like "Ohhh ahhh, etc..I want..." but she didn't have the money for them because as I had said, they don't have it and they had JUST gotten down here on a wing and a prayer (which my help and the donations I rounded up for them from various agencies). What does she do, she runs out at some point and BOUGHT the clear set (she was afraid she'd loose out on getting them since only 1 set left). I don't know when she snuck in a run to do that while she must have been out for something else. I only found out about her buying them when a week ago I offered her my old dishes (which would have given them a set of 4, which all they needed). She says, "no, that's ok, I got the clear dishes!" I was all like you did? Last I knew you said you didn't have money and wished you COULD get them! Just an example of how she gets caught up in her lies but also an example of jealousy and how I can get or do something and she has to follow suit even if she can't (whether due to finances or otherwise). I hate the fact that once she made this decision as well and went all nasty she then turns around and acts all sweet and nice (kind of like the honeymoon phase in abuse) as if nothing happened. I should be thankful she didn't continue being nasty and I am but don't go being sweet, overly and as if nothing happened and you weren't hurtful either (and no apologies). I was very hard being around her for the 48 hours after that. I just wanted it overwith. I wanted distance, not to find every possible reason to to "talk" or be nice. Oh and it didn't stop her from continuing to ask for yet more information or help for when she got back up there! I kept it very vague to non answers. For my step dad I responded but to her not so much. She would come to me and be like "I already did this and this and this and we're going to do this and this and this and I talked to blah, blah, blah and made it clear that once we're back up there it's going to be like this and not that again..." I DO NOT CARE NOR WANT TO HEAR IT! So this morning, true to form as I anticipated, her leaving would cause some uproar with difficult children. Though ms queen is usually the one who gets severely emotional over things like this and grandma leaving, she did not. She went off to school with a very simple goodbye! NO TEARS! I'm not sure, but I actually think that she finally sees her grandmother for who she is, as opposed to the person she used to be so close to and idolized. In a way it's sad but in another way it's a very good thing. On the other side is mr busy. He just doesn't take all the transitions good at all. With their coming and going. It messes with him badly and gives him anxiety period as his "routines" are messed with. First he had to give up his room where he played his video games and watched tv so this last month he's been basically going bananas with nothing to do (can't move the tv as it's a big old projection style in 1 unit thing that HE got himself from a neighbor through some kind of bargaining). He had semi settled his over all anxiety and fell back into routine after the first 48 hours but overall we've had battles with him all month long due to boredom. He's behaviors have been ramped up. Of course my mother never understands him fully (only sometimes when she felt like it) so she would often go off on him with HER mouth and the one thing you can't do with ODD is feed into the power struggle which is exactly what she does because she must have the power and always feels like "how dare a child do this or that or get away with this or that, etc". Anyway, this morning for him it was bad. For the first in about a week he was actually UP to go to school without a fight! Imagine that!! :) BUT, then it started happening, his anxiety as they were loading their van to go with the last of the stuff his anxiety of routine disruption happened plus I turn on computer and find that at some point last night he put a password on it at the level ABOVE BIOS! ( I have a password on it at BIOS and login). Then he refused to even give that to me. A battle ensued to get him to give it, he woudn't. He wanted to enter it and was going to "show" me what he did only he couldn't replicate how he did it. I kind of knew the screen he was trying to get to but he wasn't able to get to it. In the mean time my mom was having a whole lot to say to him (beyond what I had said and SO) so he had 3 people on him (I can get away with it as I know how and what to say but SO and her do NOT). It just escalated to beyond! He refused even more but did give me password (as I said I know how to work with him) but by then he was refusing to go to school. I knew it was going to take time to de-escalate him before he'd get into school and I knew he WOULD get there but it would take time and for everyone to back off and leave him alone! He was also upset at them leaving, which was the under tone that no one knew but me. He finally went up to his room, I fixed the computer and everyone else went about their business. All in all, 2 hours wasted because no on wants to listen to me on how he has to be handled because they all "know how" it should be done and "he gets away" with everything. REALLY? I don't think so. I called his caseworker during all this so it's on report and will be dealt with, he'll have a consequence for it. There is no getting away with it but yelling at him, staying on him is not productive either and I do KNOW this from years of experience! GAH..... Yes......I am thankful she is gone sadly...I have my life back....I don't think I can say it enough....and I've said it before in life. I can not live on edge like that ever again or anymore. It's worse then living with difficult children, honestly. Perhaps it's why I can handle difficult children as well and their koi takes a lot before it drains me. Lifelong learning primed me I guess. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the warm thoughts. I do appreciate it very much. The support helps. [/QUOTE]
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