First of all, ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) You need to take your kids with you and go to your mammogram. Self care is often the first thing we let go when our kids have a crisis. It is often the wrong thing to do. If you don't take care of you, you cannot take care of the kids. Real life IS like the oxygen masks on an airplane. You are told to put your mask on and then put your child's mask on, because if you pass out the child is in a HUGE world of hurt. If you don't get the mammogram, then there might be something that results in you not being there for your child due to serious illness. Just do NOT leave your children home alone. Right now your son must be supervised at all times when there is another child, esp a girl, in the room with him. It is NOT punishment, it is protection. It is a way to keep others from falsely accusing him of inappropriate behavior just to get attention or make things worse for him.
I am SO sorry that you had to come find us for this reason, but also glad you DID find us. We are NOT going to throw stones at you or judge you, not what we are here for. You son went WAY over the line. It is just not normal for a boy his age to try to see/touch a girl that young sexually. Sexual curiosity IS normal, but most people, even his age, do NOT find young children attractive in that way. Of course you are aware of this. Who diagnosed your son with ADHD? has he ever been fully evaluated by a neuropsychologist or multidisciplinary team? Find one and schedule a complete evaluation ASAP. This will help figure out WHY he chose to do this. Both can probably be found at a children's hospital. Many here recommend the neuropsychologist because they do more testing. In my area they are often found working with the neurology dept.
There may be some reasons for your son to act that way. Have you ever wondered if he was bipolar? Or had any other disorder? I mention bipolar because hypersexuality is often a symptom of this. If his actions are truly not how he thinks, he should also probably be given a brain mri. Tumors in certain areas of the brain can cause very strange, even dangerous and/or illegal behavior. there are cases where someone with NO interest in children sexually gets a tumor in a certain area and all of a sudden they are abusing kids. Then the tumor is removed and the urge is just gone, like it never existed.
Now I am NOT saying your son has a brain tumor or bipolar. I am suggesting that sometimes our behavior is NOT under our conscious control. This is why he MUST be seen by some professionals. I strongly recommend taking him to a child and adolescent psychiatrist in addition to having the testing done. This is in addition to therapy with a therapist. The psychiatrist can help to figure out WHY your son did this and if there is an underlying disorder that can and should be treated.
Now how to handle the police, cps, etc....??? First off, make SURE that 100% of the time he is in a room with another child that there is an adult actually in the room. It is HARD to do, trust me, I know. We had quite a few years where my son could not be left alone with his sister or she was bruised and/or bloody. At the time I managed to whittle a potty break down to 45 seconds and he still hurt her in that time. So if husband or I was home with the kids with-o the other one of us, we had to take our same gender child with us into the bathroom. I took our daughter and he took our son. We had the child stand facing away from us or in the tub with the curtain pulled. It was a real PITA but we didn't have much choice. This went a LONG way to getting cps to not hassle us too much when we learned our son was attacking her in the middle of the night while she slept.
In your case, you NEED to get an attorney to help represent your son's best interests. If you cannot afford one, call or go to Legal Aid and tell them what is going on. Or insist that the police contact them and get an attorney over to wherever they want to question him.
This is heartbreaking, of course. NO ONE wants to think their loved one could do something awful to another person. sadly, it happens more than we know. Right now your son needs you - and he needs help. You may want to contact the local domestic violence shelter - they deal with people who hurt others AND the victims and may have resources that would be invaluable.
many hugs. I am so sorry that you have to deal iwth this.
