Talk about every dysfunctional feeling possible. I think I have them at this moment. I knew me moving to Arizona would be difficult for difficult child, but for some reason I thought it would be because I was moving. Yet, the first thing Matt asked about when he found out I was moving was, "what about my Dad?" I should have known. His dad disappeared 2 days ago. His last comment to me was, "after putting forth every effort to get back my relationship with my son for the last 3 years, now you are moving." Before that he had helped me pack up Matt's room, and I was being b*tchy and rude. Classic old tapes. Me, being rude ~ and bio dad disappears. The problem with bio disappearing is that he does it for months, years at a time. And somehow I always feel responsible. And always Matt gets the short end. Always. I feel so heartsick. I cannot explain it. I know all the healthy things I am supposed to think and do - but I just want Matthew to have his dad. He deserves to have his dad. Since he was 3, that was what I wanted for him - but try as I might - it is a variable out of my control. I just feel it. Bio dads sick twisted way of paying me back for moving, will be, once again his disappearance.