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General Parenting
I think I am leaning toward removing Son from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 110610" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Hi, David, sorry you're feeling so torn right now. I'm a single parent, too, and understand the attachment (overwhelming responsibility) we feel battling with the detachment (how much do we let go), especially when there isn't supportive extended family around. {{{{HHUUGGSS)}}} My son hasn't been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (YET!), and his short stint in juvy this year only gave me a hint of what this must be like for you and Justin. I can only offer you support and of course, my 2 cents.</p><p></p><p>I think the previous responses are good ones- rational and practical, without the emotional strings of direct involvement but understanding the emotional side. I think Justin does believe he has changed and is sincere in wanting to do his best. That doesn't mean, though, that he has developed all the tools to be able to actually do it. So, then how would he feel and react if he "fails" (I use that term lightly). It sounds like your talk with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff went well and that communication is good and that they are going to address this issue/concern quickly, with an appropriate plan. I think it's critical (for you and Justin) to start developing a transition plan, establish short-term goals with regular feedback that measures his progression, and for him to know you're doing your part to support him coming home as quickly as possible for his best interest, but not "just to get him out" if it's not in his best interest. Maybe the better the progression, the more home visits he can have and I'd make those home visits more and more like the way it's really going to be when he comes home. These are the measures it would take for me to keep my sanity (emotions in tact), remind me I'm doing what's in my difficult child's best interest, and still feel like an adequate support system for him.</p><p></p><p>Maybe he can come home earlier than 12 mos., but I'd evaluate that slowly, little by little. It's a good point to consider what the courts will allow in the future, should he end up having to face them again in the next 4 years. You know he's safe, on the right track, and not getting in trouble right now. You know you are devloping a plan to get him home and keep things progressing. We all can see you love him and are a good parent. Take it slow David- show Justin what a goal (not short term "fix") really is and that you can hang in there, too. A few months of staying in there longer is nothing if it changes the outcome of his life.</p><p></p><p>I say all that now- when it's my turn, I hope you'll help me through it!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 110610, member: 3699"] Hi, David, sorry you're feeling so torn right now. I'm a single parent, too, and understand the attachment (overwhelming responsibility) we feel battling with the detachment (how much do we let go), especially when there isn't supportive extended family around. {{{{HHUUGGSS)}}} My son hasn't been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (YET!), and his short stint in juvy this year only gave me a hint of what this must be like for you and Justin. I can only offer you support and of course, my 2 cents. I think the previous responses are good ones- rational and practical, without the emotional strings of direct involvement but understanding the emotional side. I think Justin does believe he has changed and is sincere in wanting to do his best. That doesn't mean, though, that he has developed all the tools to be able to actually do it. So, then how would he feel and react if he "fails" (I use that term lightly). It sounds like your talk with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff went well and that communication is good and that they are going to address this issue/concern quickly, with an appropriate plan. I think it's critical (for you and Justin) to start developing a transition plan, establish short-term goals with regular feedback that measures his progression, and for him to know you're doing your part to support him coming home as quickly as possible for his best interest, but not "just to get him out" if it's not in his best interest. Maybe the better the progression, the more home visits he can have and I'd make those home visits more and more like the way it's really going to be when he comes home. These are the measures it would take for me to keep my sanity (emotions in tact), remind me I'm doing what's in my difficult child's best interest, and still feel like an adequate support system for him. Maybe he can come home earlier than 12 mos., but I'd evaluate that slowly, little by little. It's a good point to consider what the courts will allow in the future, should he end up having to face them again in the next 4 years. You know he's safe, on the right track, and not getting in trouble right now. You know you are devloping a plan to get him home and keep things progressing. We all can see you love him and are a good parent. Take it slow David- show Justin what a goal (not short term "fix") really is and that you can hang in there, too. A few months of staying in there longer is nothing if it changes the outcome of his life. I say all that now- when it's my turn, I hope you'll help me through it!!! [/QUOTE]
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I think I am leaning toward removing Son from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)
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