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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 365084" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>If you want easy child to ever move out you may have to insist she either pay more rent or she sit down and work out a budget and then stick to it. If she has a good job and can drop that kind of money on clothes on what sounds like a whim then you are doing her NO favors by allowing her to run up the household bills and pay none of them. I am sure she thinks she is WAY better at managing money than you are because she pays her "bills" and has all that money left over. You don't have any left and don't do all the luxury things she does so surely she is a better money manager than you. And if at her age she is better with money then SURELY she is just a better adult than you are.</p><p></p><p>I do NOT believe that nonsense, but I would bet dollars to donuts that on some level it is what SHE thinks. </p><p></p><p>It is time to figure out which bills she contributes to. She uses water so she should pay 1/4 of the water bill. She uses the electric so she should pay 1/4 of that bill. It is not unreasonable to insist she chip in for groceries, etc.... While you ARE her mother, she is STILL an adult who is working full time. As she clearly is not saving to move out, and she is telling you she is so independent of you, well, it is time to really let her have the independence. She can be independent of your budget by paying her share.</p><p></p><p>This moves her to more of a roommate status. It does NOT mean she gets to tell you what to do, or gets to trash the house (unless she chooses to pay for a cleaning service) or disrespect you. It is still YOUR house. You are just letting her have the independence that is healthy for her to have and that she is trying to get by her attitude. </p><p></p><p>Your financial arrangement with difficult child does not have to be the same. difficult child is several years younger, is not working but is actively seeking work, and quite frankly, difficult child's arrangements and rent are between you, husband and difficult child. They are not easy child's business. When difficult child is working and frittering lots of money away then you will do the same with her. Until then, easy child can be told to butt out.</p><p></p><p>It may sound harsh to charge easy child so much. You are her mother, supposed to take care of her, etc... All the stuff we do for them because they are our kids. It is not harsh at all. It is teaching easy child how to survive financially. It will be a huge help to her in the long run if you can teach her financial responsibility asap. Spending hundreds of dollars on clothing a month while you are living at home with mom and dad is NOT responsible. There is no way she should be taking nice vacations and buying lots of new stuff when I am pretty sure YOU are not in a position to do that. You have scrimped and saved for a lot of years to provide for her and to establish your career. YOU should have those nice things while she adjusts to living on what she earns. </p><p></p><p>Off my soapbox, hope that it made sense to you.</p><p></p><p>Hugs (and support even if you ignore me or tell me to blow it out my ears!)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 365084, member: 1233"] If you want easy child to ever move out you may have to insist she either pay more rent or she sit down and work out a budget and then stick to it. If she has a good job and can drop that kind of money on clothes on what sounds like a whim then you are doing her NO favors by allowing her to run up the household bills and pay none of them. I am sure she thinks she is WAY better at managing money than you are because she pays her "bills" and has all that money left over. You don't have any left and don't do all the luxury things she does so surely she is a better money manager than you. And if at her age she is better with money then SURELY she is just a better adult than you are. I do NOT believe that nonsense, but I would bet dollars to donuts that on some level it is what SHE thinks. It is time to figure out which bills she contributes to. She uses water so she should pay 1/4 of the water bill. She uses the electric so she should pay 1/4 of that bill. It is not unreasonable to insist she chip in for groceries, etc.... While you ARE her mother, she is STILL an adult who is working full time. As she clearly is not saving to move out, and she is telling you she is so independent of you, well, it is time to really let her have the independence. She can be independent of your budget by paying her share. This moves her to more of a roommate status. It does NOT mean she gets to tell you what to do, or gets to trash the house (unless she chooses to pay for a cleaning service) or disrespect you. It is still YOUR house. You are just letting her have the independence that is healthy for her to have and that she is trying to get by her attitude. Your financial arrangement with difficult child does not have to be the same. difficult child is several years younger, is not working but is actively seeking work, and quite frankly, difficult child's arrangements and rent are between you, husband and difficult child. They are not easy child's business. When difficult child is working and frittering lots of money away then you will do the same with her. Until then, easy child can be told to butt out. It may sound harsh to charge easy child so much. You are her mother, supposed to take care of her, etc... All the stuff we do for them because they are our kids. It is not harsh at all. It is teaching easy child how to survive financially. It will be a huge help to her in the long run if you can teach her financial responsibility asap. Spending hundreds of dollars on clothing a month while you are living at home with mom and dad is NOT responsible. There is no way she should be taking nice vacations and buying lots of new stuff when I am pretty sure YOU are not in a position to do that. You have scrimped and saved for a lot of years to provide for her and to establish your career. YOU should have those nice things while she adjusts to living on what she earns. Off my soapbox, hope that it made sense to you. Hugs (and support even if you ignore me or tell me to blow it out my ears!) [/QUOTE]
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