I think I am ready to give up on her

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Lilliana, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. Lilliana

    Lilliana New Member

    Hello everyone,

    It has been a few weeks since I last posted. Suffice it to say that it has been pretty much one constant crisis with my 17 yr old daughter. Her m.o. over the past few months has been to violate curfew, leave the house and refuse to answer her phone to tell me where she is, and to come home high (on mj). When confronted with restrictions placed on her for these rule infractions, she has gotten very violent (I still have bruises from 3 weeks ago) and verbally abusive. We have called the cops twice and received no help. Basically they have told us that unless she commits something on the order of attempted murder, they won't arrest her. Apparently juvenile hall is too full in CA. She is flunking most of her classes and there is a real chance she won't graduate in June. She will 'rehabilitate' herself for a few days and make us trust that she is a person of her word, and the minute we let her go with friends, she pulls her same act...won't answer her phone, violates curfew, lies about who she is with, comes home high.

    I am so weary of this. Really. I don't think I can take much more. I am so desperate today that I have been thinking maybe I should relinquish her to foster care. Is that even a possibility? I know, I know. That makes me sound like the worst parent. I just cannot go on with this non-stop stress. My other child is suffering greatly from all of the chaos my difficult child is bringing to the family. I can't sacrifice him for her.

    Her p-doctor is trying to help, but it is so slow going. Her previous diagnosis was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and PTSD, and she was on Luvox for the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I do believe the medication has brought forth a manic episode, and there is a chance she is bipolar. If you heard how she talks, I think you would agree. She thinks she is the most important person in the world, that she has a special relationships with God, that she is going to be a famous actress, etc... Then she can get extremely irritable and explosive over the tiniest thing. The only thing I don't see is any sign of typical depressive symptoms. She is just angry all the time, and agitated much of the time. I took her to the ER and she escaped. I took her to a substance abuse treatment facility and she cussed everyone out once she realized she had to be voluntarily there. I feel that I cannot get help for her as her parent. Maybe letting her go to foster care is the only answer. Or else writing a check for like $20,000 to send her to a wilderness camp or horse ranch for treatment....like I could afford that! So, I am at my wit's end, and I will appreciate any advice that anyone can offer. Anything.

    Thank you if you got this far in reading this miserable story...

    L.
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    What does the psychiatrist say about the possible medication reaction? Antidepressants can cause a manic episode in one with unstable bipolar, but they can also create a manic-like episode even when bipolar isn't present. Is she still on Luvox?

    I'm astounded that the police won't do anything. What do they say about protecting yourself and your other child? They can at least transport her to the ER for an evaluation, can't they? The requirements for a 72 hour hold are a danger to yourself or others and becoming physically abusive to you certainly sounds like it fits.

    You don't sound at all like a 'worst' parent. You sound like a desperate mom. You're living in fear and you have another child to protect.

    I wish I had more to offer.

    (((hugs)))
     
  3. ma2sevn

    ma2sevn New Member

    Dont give up yet!!!! (ok maybe in your mind you can take a mental vacation and picture yourself throwing in the towel) . I read your post not long after you sent it but really thought others with more expierience would chime in, must be the hour. ANyway I cant stand thinking you are out there feeling so alone. I had a 17 yr old who is now 21. Shes better now cause I dont live with her, but she actually left home at 17 and I was glad to see her go. SHe has some mental issues. Combined with her attachment disorder. But she lived every and any where and lived scum of the earth nasty and got into all kinds of stuff. But she had been told what to do all of her life in foster care and then we were rude enough to adopt her (just kidding) and she didnt get the pony in the backyard and phone in her room that she wanted and so she was hard to live with. I got on Paxil and it helped me alot. She stopped taking medications herself. Anyway, I fought so hard to get through to her that I made myself sick. And it does take so much away from the other kids...plus it is a trauma to them to see such family turmoil. We had the cops at our house and she was in handcuffs just so proud of herself. It has affected my 12 yr old alot. Now this girl is 21 and on her 2nd baby. but she is holding down a job. If she werent preg I think she would be back in the drug scene and probably prostitution.
    I said all that to say, I feel for you. And I dont think your girl sounds as bad off as mine was, so hang in there. I hope some others come along and say it more effectivly. But I do think you need her on medications and if you pay the cell bill....stop if she wont even answer. As far as foster care, here in MO. children can stay in care till 21 if they stay in school. It is a drastic way to go, so check out the benefits involved. Some states may not have a plan for 17 yr olds. But it could get her in an authoritive setting that will keep her safe while she is in this stage. Again, it is a drastic move. But make sure you arent giving your rights up..that can be considered abandonment and you would have to pay child support possibly..make sure you would be in joint custody with the state. If she is that wild in a foster home, she would likey end up in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)..residental treatment facility, and the state would be paying for it. But you could have her placed in one all by yourself...with your psychiatrist. Or before that, just a mental health hospital stay...to get her stable on medications. Some take insurance and some dont.
    I may be jumping the gun here even giving my expierince about state care. Ultamatly her staying in your home is the best, but her safety is important to. Hang in there, your a good parent.
     
  4. Lilliana

    Lilliana New Member

    Thank you, Heather. Thank you so much. It felt like such a relief to not have you judge me. Thank you. I am just beside myself tonight. I mean, I don't know what I could have done different to be a better parent to her. I have never hit her, never abused her, always have advocated for her, always have been there for her emotionally. Always have provided for her. I don't know what else I could have done. That said, am I perfect? Of course, no. Probably I could be accused of not being tough enough on her. Probably I always wanted to believe the best in her, and I would just give her another chance, and then another, and another. I am so mad at myself.

    No, she is off the Luvox for like 10 days now. Still her behavior is unbelievably explosive and unpredictable. Last night she violated curfew by 40 minutes. She was out with two boys that I have never heard of before, and she was unreachable. When I was frantic and upset when she came home at 1:40 a.m. she acted like I was crazy or something. I think my husband and I will divorce (after about 20 years of marriage) over this. Seriously. Thank you for being there and not judging me, Heather. What a nice gift that was from you tonight. You don't know how that helped. Thank you again.

    L.
     
  5. Lilliana

    Lilliana New Member

    Thank you, ma2sevn,

    Really, as a mom to 7, I feel like I need to listen to you! I am a mom to 2 and obviously out of my league. My daughter does seem manic to me. The irritability factor is huge. She is also talking like she is very special, not like a typical narcissistic teenager. It is beyond that. I am glad to hear that your 21 yr old is better. It is hard to imagine that my difficult child will ever be better...she just seems to be going downhill fast. Sometimes I wonder what she might be doing for drugs. I am scared to even imagine that actually....I just know she is rarely with female friends...always is with some random male friends....they never go to her school. She maybe finds them from myspace. Who knows...I can't believe I am considering foster care, but yes, I am. Thank you for the suggestions and advice you provided. That was so generous of you. Thank you again. Believe it or not, I do love my difficult child. I always have. But I am running out of fuel to deal with her. I am just so tired of the nonstop stress. I find myself imagining just running away. Anyone else felt like that?

    Thank you again, mom of 7. Seven. I feel like a weakling. ;-)
     
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You are not a weakling. My difficult child is only 12 and I fantasize about running away. In my mind I'm always going to Belize. When Hurricane Rita came through and they evacuated Belize, I was so upset! I had nowhere to go! :wink: (I've never been there, but how can I have a fantasy with a hurricane blowing through? Might as well stay with difficult child then!)

    What you described with your daughter sounds like (and I'm no expert) grandiose thinking which is typical with mania or hypomania, along with the irritability and unpredictability. The psychiatrist really should be consulted about this.

    It's hard to know what to do. With a typical teen (typical teen) there are consequences that (usually) work: stopping the cellphone, cutting off the internet, etc. But, your daughter sounds as if nothing you say or do is going to stop her. Let natural consequences take over when you can. If she doesn't graduate, she doesn't graduate. I know you don't want that for her, but what you want doesn't matter to her. And no amount of you wanting it is going to change that. She has to want these things for herself.

    Talk to the psychiatrist about hospitalization for an evaluation and medications.
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh...... If you only KNEW the number of times I dreamed of walking out the door and never coming back...............

    But I didn't.

    You're not a horrible Mom, you're a Mom who is in desperate need of help for her child. And you have the saftey of another child to also consider.

    When difficult child becomes violent is there anyway you can drag her to the ER if the cops won't help? I'm thinking danger to self and others here. (cuz that's what I'd do)

    Certainly sounds as if you may be dealing with bipolar. And for teens a classic symptom of depression can be anger and irritability. I know because that is how Nichole displays depression. Definately want to leave home when she's in that state, but then so does everyone else. lol

    I just can't believe the cops told you that. :slap:

    ((((hugs))))
     
  8. ma2sevn

    ma2sevn New Member

    Lilliana,
    The more I read and think about your difficult child, it does sound like grandios thinking. Are you able to get your psychiatrist on the phone easily? Tommorrow I would suggest you get in touch with him or her. I am hearing big safety issues. Some kids(mine did) rebel the harder you close in on thier freedom. And she sounds like her risk taking behaviors are probably even out of control for her. Try to keep in mind she cant say thank you for your help right now but she hopefully will someday ( may be a long way down the road). The whole "sexual activity" issue is mind boggeling these days. It used to be that sex with a boyfriend was bad enough but I know my daughter didnt even know half of the guys she was withs name!. So you have things there to worry about too. Is she on birth control? Do you have any little bit of a relationship left with her? When she is being good does she tell you any of her struggles? Like the manic feelings? I am a little curious if she is using drugs and your seeing the mania there and thats why she isnt as depressed....? Just a thought.
    I sure hope I am not making you feel worse. I dont know allot about drug useage and how it "looks", but you could post over on the forum for substance abuse. It dosent rally matter, though..she needs stablization, and I think you should consider a hospital stay for that. There they can keep her in a safe place while she sobers up from anything..perscribed or not...and get a clear picture of what you are dealing with. THEN, you can go forward. They will also be a resource for your family to get caounseling as well as her. They can also make reccommendations for her further treatment.
    No way are you a weakling...you care. I realy struggle with sometimes being too lienient. I remember learning that old saying...pick your battles, and since we have had so many, I let allot go. Hind sight is 20/20 but you do what you know to do at the time. I think one of the best things I ever did was take care of me. It took me a long time to finally do it though. I got me on medications and a therapist and prayed alot. And I got some emotional distance. But it is also such a loss...your baby growing away from you is a loss. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permisson to forget for a while. ANd if you marriage is still there, invest in it. The statistics for adoptive parents is quite high due to the problems thes kids have, so I am guessing non adoptive parents with difficult child's would be the same. It is a huge stress. But if he was there before you difficult child, he may be the one who is still there after she is on her own. I dont know your issues with your husb, maybe he is a louse. But men dont think the way we do about all this stuff I am convinced. They do care they just handle it different. I would just hate for you to lose the one person you may have invested yourself in, and then you difficult child get all your attention and realy not even care right now. Just remember you arent really able to see past your immediate circumstances right now...maybe not a good time to make big decisons. Its late, maybe I am just babbling.....I just wanted to send you support and encouragement. Hang in there.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have bipolar, although I was never violent. Antidepressants, however, can make bipolar kids violent and worse. If you can get her to do it, I'd have her see a fresh Psychiatrist--perhaps she badly needs a mood stabilizer, which she isn't on. Do you feel she is using recreational drugs and drinking? That doesn't help.
    Truly, at her age, if she doesn't want help, you can't do anything. However, if she is mentally ill sending her to juvy or arresting her isn't going to teach her a lesson because her behavior is not totally within her control. She would do better in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that or as an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital if you really want to try to help her (no guarantees--when my daughter was younger, using drugs, and bordering on violent she lied to the doctors).
    If she refuses any/all treatment to help her, then I'd consider telling her she has to leave at age eighteen because it may be the only way to shock her into asking you for help. She does sound manic (from my experience) and you don't think straight in a manic state (or in a depressive state--you tend to see everything as black and awful while depressed). There is also something called a "mixed" state where you are stuck in between mania and depression (It's horrible). THAT is when you have manic energy combined with depressive thinking, and it is a very dangerous place to be. Chronic irritability and anger are two big red flags for that. Sounds to me like the best thing you can do is to hope your daughter will cooperate with a new Psychiatrist and get help. I was also a foster parent--I don't see how foster care can help her. They are just people like you and won't know how to get her help--and may end up blaming YOU for her behavior. I'd take another option. Good luck and prayers.
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No new advice but wanted to say you are not a horrible mom. I could have titled the same post today-only it would have been giving up on him instead of her and he's only 10! Just sending some gentle hugs your way.
     
  11. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    I wanted to send my support as well. You're doing your best and that's all one could ask for. Sorry your teen is making it nearly impossible, but these are HER choices and truly not a reflection of you.

    I took my son to several different psychiatrists before finding out about the help that is available in our area. You'll probably get the most information from networking or finding some parent support groups. Keep following your instincts...foster care may or may not be the best option, only you will know, but you do have to think about your family as a whole. You can't allow one member to destroy the rest.
     
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I hate to say it but you are in between the proverbial rock and hard spot. At 17, you're not going to get much help for her without shelling out a lot of money and most places won't take her unless she agrees to be there. I doubt you could even get her into foster care without having charges brought against you for abandonment.

    That doesn't mean there aren't things you can do because there are. They are harsh but they may wake her up. Is she paying for her cell phone? If not, have it turned off. You bought it for your convenience so you could stay in contact with her. That is not happening so she doesn't need it. If she doesn't come home at the agreed time and doesn't bother calling she will be late, lock the doors, go to bed and don't let her in. (If she has a housekey, take it.) If you're not home, she can't get in. Reality is if she's using drugs sooner or later she will start stealing from you, so it is best she not be home alone.

    You are legally required to give her food, shelter and clothing. Nothing says the clothing has to be good -- Goodwill items work just fine. Food does not have to be tasty -- vitamins and rice and some protein on occasion are okay. A bedroom doesn't have to be cute -- a mattress on the floor and a cardboard box for a dresser is okay.

    I'll tolerate a lot from my daughter, but not violence. That is when I call the police -- each and every time. Like you, the police at first refused to do anything. They finally said the next time she got violent they would arrest her. Oddly, she never hit me again after that (imagine that!). So, keep calling them. Tell them you are willing to press charges. Check your state laws. You can (and should) insist that the officers obey the abuse laws of California. If nothing else, it will keep her away from drugs for a day or two and it may just get her some help before she's 18.

    An almost-of-age teen who uses drugs is hard to help. They think they know all the answers and think the bad stuff won't happen to them. About the only thing you can do is force her to hit bottom and that won't happen as long as she lives at home. Let her know that when she turns 18, she will not be living at home unless she has totally changed. That is, no drugs, no violence, accepts curfew, goes to school, helps around the house. If she can't do that, force her to leave. It's not easy but it is frequently the only way to save our kids from themselves.

    I was lucky that my daughter didn't get into drugs. Other than that, she was on your child's path. I did give her the choice of following the house rules or leaving. She opted to leave. She'd fail, come back, follow the rules for a bit and then start all over again. It took 3 tries but she finally got the message. The last time, I didn't let her come home the first time she asked. I finally let her come back when I truly thought she had hit her bottom (living on the streets in a cockroach, gang-infested town). That was last March. She's been a different person since she's come home. Not perfect, but definitely not the person she was.

    You are not a bad mother. You are not a failure. You have done the best you could. Your daughter has made some bad choices. Hopefully, she will change. Many have. There have been kids here who ended up in jail, were heroin users and have turned themselves around. Some never quite get it. Either way, after a certain point, the responsibility has to lie with the child, not the parent. Your daughter is old enough to make her own choices. Stopping her is hard. It is up to her what happens next. Give her her choices, be prepared to watch her fall and plan what you will do when (mind you, WHEN, not if) she comes back and asks for help.

    P.S.: If she's not on birth control, get her on something.
     
  13. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Since when is assault not against the law?

    I would be heading right up to the police chief today to let him/her know what you were told. Even if you have to tell them that if anything happens to another living creature by your difficult children hands you will hold them responsible for it.

    I am sorry things are so rough. It is hard to be abused by someone you love.

    For sure keep looking for treatment options. But, you must also take care to not put yourself and other family members in harm's way.
     
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so so sorry. It truly stinks to live in fear. In my case, it was of my 13yo. He started battering me, I called hte cops. They wanted to know why I didn't take abelt to his tushie. I said because it doesn't work. been there done that, makes it all so much worse. Told them we would call them as needed. But we would NOT hit him. (They say OK has a law allowing parents to hit kids, but I know social services says otherwise. I also know that when he was younger we tried spanking and it make the entire situation WORSE). He went to the jail overnight, then to the youth shelter. Was kicked out of youth shelter and thye told me to come get him or it would be abandonment. I said to charge me with whatever, my other 2 kids and I were not safe if he was here. We went through social services investigation a few years before when difficult child went into a psychiatric hospital and we needed services for Jess and thank you.

    Our pediatrician reported abuse (as she should have) and a brain dead social worker (new, with NO head on her shoulders) visited us, the psychiatric hospital, school, and interviewed my daughter with the school principal present. SW convinced Jess that it was all Jess's fault - BS!! And first repeort was verbal on her visit to the psychiatric hospital, SW thought difficult child would never be safe in a family environment. Then the written report came 6 long weeks later that he would be fine if husband and I each spent more 1 on 1 time iwht him!!! He was the ONLY child who ever got 1 on 1 time!! I gave birth to 3 kids!!! husband and I did hte best we could, but could not find hours daily to spend 1 on 1 with any of our kids!!! Well, except thank you who was in preschool 3 days a week and home the rest of the time.

    My parents, bless them, took difficult child in after the youth shelter kicked him out. We visit him as needed, and are beginning to have a good relationship with him, but it is based on NO DISCIPLINE, he just visits occasionally or we do something with him. Not all flowers and fun, but after 2 years we are starting.

    For your daughter, call the cops. every time she abuses you. Print off the law on domestic violence, battery, etc and give a copy to the officers as you ask them to uphold it.

    You do no favors to your younger child by letting the older abuse you and your home. NONE. It is up to you to set the tone. Cut off that cell, take away any tv, dvd, cd computer or whatever she has access to. If she is on drugs she will take htem to sell for drugs soon anyway. Make sure there is a lock on the door to your room, your younger child's room, and any valuables are locked up in your room.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are describing my life when difficult child was 17 except for the violence and failing classes.

    She was using drugs, defiant, and sneaky. Rather than breaking curfew, she would sneak out after we were all asleep. She got away with it for years and I only found out about it recently.

    She also made our home life hell. easy child would go to her room and cover herself up with blankets when the fights started. husband and I felt helpless watching our daughter turn to drugs and druggie friends.

    Ages 17 & 18 were the worst years. Finally, at 19 we had enough and would not let her return after an explosive exit. She stood pounding on the door and husband called the police who came and told difficult child she had to leave or be arrested.

    She went on to live for a year on her own and got evicted from one apartment and then went to living on other people's couches. At 20, she convinced us that she was going to change and go back to college. She again dropped out of school halfway into the semester and we found pot in her bedroom. We made her leave again.

    She is now living on her own, delivering pizza for a living, and going to fulltime to a local community college. Our relationship is slowly being repaired and she is loving when she sees us.

    I am convinced it took a combination of tough love and maturation on difficult child's part to get where she is today. She is still on an antidepressant and Aderall which she gets from a local mental health clinic.

    We did look into foster care when she was 17 and things were at their worst but I was told that she was too old. The foster care people wouldn't even talk to us if difficult child was older than 16.

    I agree with the others about taking away the cell phone. I stopped providing my difficult child with a cell phone when she was 16 and I found a local drug dealer on speed dial. I was not providing her with access to getting drugs. If she gives the line about needing the phone for security reasons, tell her that she is not all that concerned about safety if she is using drugs and hanging out at all hours with her loser friends. Don't let her guilt you into giving in on the phone. Also, does she have a car? That should go, too, if she is not acting responsibly. Just the basics ~ food, clothes, and shelter.

    I also agree with the locking the door and telling her that she will have to find somewhere else to stay if she breaks curfew.

    And I would also keep calling the police each and every time that she gets violent.

    Hang in there and keep posting. It helped me keep my sanity during the darkest times.

    ~Kathy
     
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi,
    I agree about taking away the cell phone, and that anger and agitation can be signs of depression.
    If you can sit her down and talk with-her during a calm moment, spell out the new rules--i.e. if she breaks curfew, she loses XYZ. (I would also cut her slack for about 5-10 min. but don't tell her that.) In regard to what exactly she loses, if you think you can hold to it, go ahead and lock the door. She's nearly 18 anyway. I know you hate to drive her away, but it's HER behavior that's causing the repercussions, not yours. You are simply following through with-a rule. (by the way, if she shouts, "Are you threatening me?" you reply in a calm voice, "That's a rule, not a threat." Then walk away. Do not engage in any more conversation than you have to.

    Make some time to be with-your easy child, just the 2 of you (in fact, your husband too, since your relationship is on the rocks--you need to do fun things). Do not talk about difficult child during that special time--if you go out to dinner, a movie, whatever.

    I would go through difficult child's room and make sure there are no drugs in there. It's your house and YOU could get into trouble.
     
  17. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I do was going to say that at her age, foster care is not a big possibility. she is too close to being an adult at 18.
    I would try to be sure to tell her doctor all this stuff, make sure she takes her medications if possible and then ignore as much as I could. she is not going to respect curfew and you might have to tell her the door locks at midnight for the night. sigh.
     
  18. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi and welcome,

    I have not read the other posts, but always figure if things get repeated they must be logical suggestions.

    I can only tell you what I did with my son given a similar situation without the drugs.

    She's abusive: you're still healing from the bruises?
    Call the police and have her arrested for assault. This will get her in the system and closer to any services that are going to help her at her age. It also sends a clear message that if you hit me you WILL be arrested. You're telling her you aren't afraid of her any longer. There will be consequences for her actions.

    This I say FIRST because it has to stop NOW. It won't fix itself after you do this that and the other.

    You asked about having her kicked out and such. This is not as hard as you think it is, but you have to go before a judge in family court and prove she's been abusive. At this juncture I'm only guessing that you have NO written police records that she's been uncontrollable? If you have things from her school, the police this is helpful.

    You go to the court and you file a petition of incorrigibility. You will go before a judge who will hear your case and make recommendations for her. It may NOT be foster care immediately. There are steps you have to take to sever your parental rights. You can't just walk into court and show them bruises and say "She did this, I can't take it any more take her away." Not going to happen.

    If you are serious about this? I would ask the family court to drug test here as well. WITH HAIR test NOT blood test. Tell them you suspect she's smoking dope. For most people I've ever known who smoke dope are not aggressive and lash out. I would also ask for a blood test to see what else she's experimenting with. I would venture to say there is something else going on.
    Just because of her actions.

    I guess at this point you have to sit down and ask yourself the really tough parenting questions. Do I continue to live in fear of having this person beat me up or do I do something to help her understand RIGHT NOW that she's not permitted to use me for a punching bag.

    If you are serious - Call the police the next time she acts out and EVEN IF she only THREATENS to hit you - it's assault. Understand that now, and make the police take her as a danger to herself and others.

    At 17 if they don't or won't arrest her for assault? Then I would tell them to call an ambulance and have her committed for 72 hours or Baker Acted into a psychiatric hospital. Get in touch with your local mental health office and see what they can suggest for her.

    Mental health is done on a sliding scale fee / free depending on your money situation.

    I'm sorry to sound so hard, but these were the choices given to me regarding my son who I could no longer control. He eventually under his own watch went to Department of Juvenile Justice and jail. He is currently on probation and can go back in a snap if he misbehaves for six years. SIX YEARS IN ADULT JAIL!!! It's keeping him straight for now. And he's no longer in my home trying to run my life.

    I let natural consequences take over - it wasn't easy, but it beat me going to jail for him hitting me. I was abused when I was married you see, and I'm not sure I would be able to walk away if he ever had hit me. I'm glad he never did for both our sakes.

    Never easy decisions with these kids - God certainly thought we were special to raise them.

    Hugs for your pain
    Star
     
  19. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    Before reading any other responses and only reading your post.....

    First {{{HUGS}}}} I know how hard this is. You are NOT a failure and you are NOT alone! Hang in there!

    Second, put her on lock down. No phone no going out, no nothing. She has proven herself to be a bad judge of character and using poor judgment. Even if she seems trust worthy, know that she is not and will change, so she will have to stay in the house. Maybe even go with her to school to each class. I don't know. Just trying to think of things I might do. Take her door to her room off the hinges? Sorry I can't be any other help!

    Hang in there! {{{HUGS}}}}
     
  20. Lilliana

    Lilliana New Member

    Hello everyone,

    I thought I owed you each an update at the very least. As of this moment, I have been awake without a single moment of sleep for 34 hours. Yesterday evening difficult child lost it completely. She was getting ready to go somewhere and when I asked where she just launched into an all-out rage. It was very unprovoked and actually very frightening. She was screaming, stamping her feet, cussing like a sailor, and hit her dad and me. Mostly me. She would not contain herself, and seriously, it was strange because NOTHING should have provoked her into this behavior. When she wouldn't stop, we called 911. The cops came and she was so agitated, she kept straightening her hair and wouldn't put the straightener down, saying she had a party to go to! Like it is just everyday that you have two cops in your hallway watching you straighten your hair! It was bizarre to say the least. They would not involuntarily commit her. AGAIN.
    So, we took her to the ER. What a nightmare. They put her on a 72 hour hold for being a danger to others. She did not EVEN attempt to clean up her behavior in front of these doctors and nurses. She was just ballistic.

    Then they told me they don't have an adolescent psychiatric unit, so they could not transport her until this afternoon at 2pm. So, I had to sit up with her awake all night as she sat there with a perfectly nice, but unknown to me, male guard. I am so beyond tired at this moment. I cannot even think.

    The ambulance took her to the adolescent unit, and she was very belligerent, tearful, and angry. She pulled my hair there! Then she grabbed the entrance papers out of my hand and tore them up. She was just completely manic. Well, they say hypomanic. The hypothesis is that she became hypomanic after taking the SSRI for her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Thinking back on her behavior since starting that medication (Luvox) I do believe that might be true. Tonight they put her on Klonopin. Last night they zonked her out with Haldol (10 mg), Cogentin, and Ativan (4 mg). I said no to any more anti-psychotics until we know what we are actually dealing with. It was an ER dr (not psychiatrist) who recommended all those medications last night -- a little too much, in my opinion.

    Well, tomorrow a.m. the psychiatrist will evaluate her and we will see where we go from here. PLEASE say a prayer for her. I am so scared for her. I don't know what to think.

    I just wanted to update you.

    Thank you for all your suggestions and caring. How kind you all have been to me. Thank you again.

    Lill
     
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