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General Parenting
I think I just got the terrible mother of the day award...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 562181" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Well, KSM, unless you're a saint, losing it with a teenage difficult child girl would be simply a sign of your humanness. I can so empathize with you since I am raising a easy child 16 year old granddaughter and there are times I want to scream at the top of my lungs too. Sometimes the pressure cooker has to blow, and today was your day. Give yourself a break and don't add beating yourself up over it along with all the other stuff you have to deal with. But I do understand that you likely stepped over your own line which is why you feel sick. I think living with someone who lies all the time, makes you sick. You're in a really tough spot.</p><p></p><p>I have trouble tolerating the teenage girl attitude way more then I did when I was much younger and raising my own daughter. I don't want to put up with the attitude, it makes me mad. I know it's typical teen behavior, I get that, but does that mean, as the grandmother, I have to put up with it? I don't feel like it sometimes, in fact, most of the time. I'm here, like you, and it is what it is and there is a certain degree of acceptance I have to maintain about it............however, how I keep myself healthy and sane is to do LOTS of nurturing things for me. I have group therapy tonight where I can vent/talk/listen/ get heard. I get massages, go to acupuncture which is a wonderful help with stress, I walk everyday, watch my diet, get lots of sleep, meditate...........I need a lot of support to deal with my detachment from my difficult child and to raise my granddaughter, so I make sure <strong><span style="color: #ff0000">I </span></strong>am a priority. You may already get lots of support, and if so, good for you. </p><p></p><p>I just created a "sanctuary" a small room where I can go and get away from the world, and have peace and quiet. It's a HUGE help. When my granddaughter begins her litany of judgments, criticisms, teenage angst, pointing out all my flaws, you know, the usual..........when it gets to be too much, I excuse myself and retreat to my sanctuary. It really really works well.</p><p></p><p>Since they didn't keep their word regarding keeping the rooms up, can you take a room back? Perhaps you need your own space back, it doesn't sound like they are holding up their side of the bargain. I think I recall you saying you couldn't put difficult child downstairs because you can't trust her. I've heard of parents putting alarms on bedroom doors and windows of their difficult child's rooms and also putting locks on and locking them in. Could you move difficult child downstairs into the little room and come up with some creative idea to contain her so you would feel safe? I have gotten to the point where I just don't think kids should continue to be rewarded for really bad behavior. Life has consequences, she didn't keep her word, your bedroom is so small, why not make her deal with it? </p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you, I so know how you feel. And, I have a easy child and you have two and one is a difficult child. Good Lord. You poor <em>kid!</em>!! Sending you lots of big hugs and empathy and compassion and the hopes that you are feeling better now.......................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 562181, member: 13542"] Well, KSM, unless you're a saint, losing it with a teenage difficult child girl would be simply a sign of your humanness. I can so empathize with you since I am raising a easy child 16 year old granddaughter and there are times I want to scream at the top of my lungs too. Sometimes the pressure cooker has to blow, and today was your day. Give yourself a break and don't add beating yourself up over it along with all the other stuff you have to deal with. But I do understand that you likely stepped over your own line which is why you feel sick. I think living with someone who lies all the time, makes you sick. You're in a really tough spot. I have trouble tolerating the teenage girl attitude way more then I did when I was much younger and raising my own daughter. I don't want to put up with the attitude, it makes me mad. I know it's typical teen behavior, I get that, but does that mean, as the grandmother, I have to put up with it? I don't feel like it sometimes, in fact, most of the time. I'm here, like you, and it is what it is and there is a certain degree of acceptance I have to maintain about it............however, how I keep myself healthy and sane is to do LOTS of nurturing things for me. I have group therapy tonight where I can vent/talk/listen/ get heard. I get massages, go to acupuncture which is a wonderful help with stress, I walk everyday, watch my diet, get lots of sleep, meditate...........I need a lot of support to deal with my detachment from my difficult child and to raise my granddaughter, so I make sure [B][COLOR=#ff0000]I [/COLOR][/B]am a priority. You may already get lots of support, and if so, good for you. I just created a "sanctuary" a small room where I can go and get away from the world, and have peace and quiet. It's a HUGE help. When my granddaughter begins her litany of judgments, criticisms, teenage angst, pointing out all my flaws, you know, the usual..........when it gets to be too much, I excuse myself and retreat to my sanctuary. It really really works well. Since they didn't keep their word regarding keeping the rooms up, can you take a room back? Perhaps you need your own space back, it doesn't sound like they are holding up their side of the bargain. I think I recall you saying you couldn't put difficult child downstairs because you can't trust her. I've heard of parents putting alarms on bedroom doors and windows of their difficult child's rooms and also putting locks on and locking them in. Could you move difficult child downstairs into the little room and come up with some creative idea to contain her so you would feel safe? I have gotten to the point where I just don't think kids should continue to be rewarded for really bad behavior. Life has consequences, she didn't keep her word, your bedroom is so small, why not make her deal with it? My heart goes out to you, I so know how you feel. And, I have a easy child and you have two and one is a difficult child. Good Lord. You poor [I]kid![/I]!! Sending you lots of big hugs and empathy and compassion and the hopes that you are feeling better now....................... [/QUOTE]
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I think I just got the terrible mother of the day award...
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