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I think I just got the terrible mother of the day award...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 562263" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sweetie, you want to know the secret to knowing you are not a good mom, but a totally great amazingly awesome Warrior Mom? </p><p></p><p>It is because you lose it and then you feel awful and want to figure out a way to help everyone cope better next time. When I say that we ALL do this, I don't just mean parents raising difficult children. I mean parents. PERIOD. </p><p></p><p>Apologizing for your part is a good thing. Now to figure out how to prevent it, which is the super-tough part! You and your husband gave up your BEDROOM so that your kids would stop bickering. Clearly that did not work. the last step in EVERY plan is to asses the results and figure out if another change needs to occur. We often skip this or undervalue it, but it is crucial. In this case, did you really expect a difficult child who couldn't keep a small room in good shape to keep a larger amt of area in good condition? What can you now do to help her wth this and organization issues? And esp the fighting? </p><p></p><p>You could put her in the smallest bedroom, but it won't help ehr keep any room clean. I would reclaim my room and send her to the small room if at all possible. Simply because it is a better arrangement for the two people who must go out into the world to earn income and find/arrange medical and other care the kids need. It serves NO ONE for the breadwinner(s) to be unable to have a good night's rest in comfortable surroundings. </p><p></p><p>I would explain having easy child upstairs as putting more space between them so they don;t fight. Other than this statement, I would not listen to difficult child. She hasn't EARNED the right to a bigger, nicer space to call her room. </p><p></p><p>I would also strip most of her possessions until she can treat her family with the basics of polite behavior. I would concentrate on the fighting as the first part of those basics. Being a strong warrior mom, I am not sure if I would throw the items away, keep them and have her earn them back from you, or sell them at a pawn shop or even on ebay or a yard sale. </p><p></p><p>Esp given the food issues, have you had her evaluated for sensory issues. A LOT of your difficult child's behavior could be caused/worsened by sensory issues. Buy or borrow a copy of The Out of Sync Child and read it. Then get Kranowitz' other book, The Out of Sync Child Has Fun and see how you could adapt those things for difficult child. Even if you can't afford therapy for this, you can at least figure out how to provide the sensory input she needs to self soothe. That alone can be HUGE. I would push you to read these books and then to hink about how help with this might help difficult child.</p><p></p><p>most people gravitate toward the activities that feel good in a sensory way. So think about what she likes and how to help her find it and use it to self sooth when she is upset. There is a brushing therapy but it is not somethng to do unless you are trained. but it is very helpful, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I hope things get better soon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 562263, member: 1233"] Sweetie, you want to know the secret to knowing you are not a good mom, but a totally great amazingly awesome Warrior Mom? It is because you lose it and then you feel awful and want to figure out a way to help everyone cope better next time. When I say that we ALL do this, I don't just mean parents raising difficult children. I mean parents. PERIOD. Apologizing for your part is a good thing. Now to figure out how to prevent it, which is the super-tough part! You and your husband gave up your BEDROOM so that your kids would stop bickering. Clearly that did not work. the last step in EVERY plan is to asses the results and figure out if another change needs to occur. We often skip this or undervalue it, but it is crucial. In this case, did you really expect a difficult child who couldn't keep a small room in good shape to keep a larger amt of area in good condition? What can you now do to help her wth this and organization issues? And esp the fighting? You could put her in the smallest bedroom, but it won't help ehr keep any room clean. I would reclaim my room and send her to the small room if at all possible. Simply because it is a better arrangement for the two people who must go out into the world to earn income and find/arrange medical and other care the kids need. It serves NO ONE for the breadwinner(s) to be unable to have a good night's rest in comfortable surroundings. I would explain having easy child upstairs as putting more space between them so they don;t fight. Other than this statement, I would not listen to difficult child. She hasn't EARNED the right to a bigger, nicer space to call her room. I would also strip most of her possessions until she can treat her family with the basics of polite behavior. I would concentrate on the fighting as the first part of those basics. Being a strong warrior mom, I am not sure if I would throw the items away, keep them and have her earn them back from you, or sell them at a pawn shop or even on ebay or a yard sale. Esp given the food issues, have you had her evaluated for sensory issues. A LOT of your difficult child's behavior could be caused/worsened by sensory issues. Buy or borrow a copy of The Out of Sync Child and read it. Then get Kranowitz' other book, The Out of Sync Child Has Fun and see how you could adapt those things for difficult child. Even if you can't afford therapy for this, you can at least figure out how to provide the sensory input she needs to self soothe. That alone can be HUGE. I would push you to read these books and then to hink about how help with this might help difficult child. most people gravitate toward the activities that feel good in a sensory way. So think about what she likes and how to help her find it and use it to self sooth when she is upset. There is a brushing therapy but it is not somethng to do unless you are trained. but it is very helpful, in my opinion. I hope things get better soon. [/QUOTE]
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I think I just got the terrible mother of the day award...
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