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I Think I'm Spinning My Wheels Here
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 382419" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I hate those moments when difficult child doesn't respect me. I would document each incident. Instead of going into the doctor's office with the general behaviors, record specific times, dates, events and document every part of it - write what everyone around said and did what you see as the trigger and how you see it could have turned out better if each person did something different. In my home, husband does not enter any arguments difficult child or Diva would have with me - it would help so much if he would step in and say, "You will not treat your mom like that" but instead it is, "You two stop fighting" which puts us on the same level and off he goes to hide. Ugh!!!</p><p> </p><p>I am trying to figure out how best to present this to my difficult child's therapist also and have come to the conclusion that I have to report a specific event not just, "Some times difficult child gets so disrespectful. He thinks he needs to put me in my place. ect, ect, ect."</p><p> </p><p>Our kids have to learn that they don't get a reason for everything. Sometimes when you start to give reasons, they start to argue with the reason - not good at all making matters so much worse - they must learn to accept the authority as is when you choose not to explain. They may ask politely and respectfully for a reason but if you choose not to share it then they must back down. An example is you may feel uncomfortable with your child walking a certain route to school because you have heard that a certain house has had some legal problems with drug transactions. You want your child to take a different route but you do not want to scare him by telling him about the drug activity so he must change his route without question. Or for a younger child, you don't have time to get him out of the middle of the street while explaining a car can hit him. He best get off the street without a reason!</p><p> </p><p>My difficult child's therapist is very good about upholding my authority as the parent and will remind difficult child a lot that Mom is in charge. I have also told therapist in difficult child's presence that difficult child does not always get to know why he needs to obey, he just needs to obey. Because Mom says so should be good enough in many situations!</p><p> </p><p>Don't misinterpret that I am a rigid person in discipline - I am not. I do lead difficult child a lot with explaining why I am asking him to do most everything. I would have much more trouble with him if I did not, it is just those few time that I choose not to give an explanation that he becomes disrespectful and as an authority figure I should not have to explain my actions to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 382419, member: 5096"] I hate those moments when difficult child doesn't respect me. I would document each incident. Instead of going into the doctor's office with the general behaviors, record specific times, dates, events and document every part of it - write what everyone around said and did what you see as the trigger and how you see it could have turned out better if each person did something different. In my home, husband does not enter any arguments difficult child or Diva would have with me - it would help so much if he would step in and say, "You will not treat your mom like that" but instead it is, "You two stop fighting" which puts us on the same level and off he goes to hide. Ugh!!! I am trying to figure out how best to present this to my difficult child's therapist also and have come to the conclusion that I have to report a specific event not just, "Some times difficult child gets so disrespectful. He thinks he needs to put me in my place. ect, ect, ect." Our kids have to learn that they don't get a reason for everything. Sometimes when you start to give reasons, they start to argue with the reason - not good at all making matters so much worse - they must learn to accept the authority as is when you choose not to explain. They may ask politely and respectfully for a reason but if you choose not to share it then they must back down. An example is you may feel uncomfortable with your child walking a certain route to school because you have heard that a certain house has had some legal problems with drug transactions. You want your child to take a different route but you do not want to scare him by telling him about the drug activity so he must change his route without question. Or for a younger child, you don't have time to get him out of the middle of the street while explaining a car can hit him. He best get off the street without a reason! My difficult child's therapist is very good about upholding my authority as the parent and will remind difficult child a lot that Mom is in charge. I have also told therapist in difficult child's presence that difficult child does not always get to know why he needs to obey, he just needs to obey. Because Mom says so should be good enough in many situations! Don't misinterpret that I am a rigid person in discipline - I am not. I do lead difficult child a lot with explaining why I am asking him to do most everything. I would have much more trouble with him if I did not, it is just those few time that I choose not to give an explanation that he becomes disrespectful and as an authority figure I should not have to explain my actions to him. [/QUOTE]
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