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I think it's time to cut off all ties to my oldest...but scared to do so...
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 741977" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi AKAnnie, I'm so sorry for what you are going through but I'm glad you found us here. There is nothing worse than living in fear of your own child. I'm glad to hear that you are working with a counselor.</p><p></p><p>This is a very healthy thing to do. I have gone through a grieving process for my son. I mourned for the sweet little boy he once was. I mourned all the hopes and dreams I had for him. I mourned for the relationship I wish we could have had. Doing this helped me to move on.</p><p>I do not have regular contact with my son and for my mental health that is best. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is where acceptance comes in. I went through a period of time where I was constantly worried and wondering where my son was, what he was doing, if he was okay, was he eating, where was he sleeping, was he going to break into my house and ransack it yet again, would he steal from us again, was he alive or lying dead in a ditch or abandoned warehouse, etc...... you know the drill. </p><p>I finally faced my fears, my worst fear was that my son could die and I would never know it. Yes, that could really happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I do not have any control over what my son chooses to do or how he lives his life. Once I truly accepted this, that the worst could happen there was a calm. It was okay to let go of the worry and wondering.</p><p>Never let your son hold your emotions hostage. Come out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) You have done everything you can to help your son and he has made a choice to live his life the way he chooses.</p><p>None of us can control what our adult children will do. The only control we have is how we choose to live our own lives. </p><p></p><p>The most important thing you can do is be there for other kids. Help them to flourish. Do whatever you need to do to keep you, your family and home safe. Continue going to counseling, continue to heal and to grow.</p><p></p><p>As for the sexual abuse, I was sexually abused by my bio father from toddler to preteen. I am proof that it can be overcome and does not have to define someone. You are doing the best thing for your son by having him go to therapy.</p><p></p><p>It's not an easy journey you are on but you are not alone. It's time to take your life back and live for yourself. </p><p></p><p>Stay close and keep posting. Let us know how you are doing.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you....................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 741977, member: 18516"] Hi AKAnnie, I'm so sorry for what you are going through but I'm glad you found us here. There is nothing worse than living in fear of your own child. I'm glad to hear that you are working with a counselor. This is a very healthy thing to do. I have gone through a grieving process for my son. I mourned for the sweet little boy he once was. I mourned all the hopes and dreams I had for him. I mourned for the relationship I wish we could have had. Doing this helped me to move on. I do not have regular contact with my son and for my mental health that is best. This is where acceptance comes in. I went through a period of time where I was constantly worried and wondering where my son was, what he was doing, if he was okay, was he eating, where was he sleeping, was he going to break into my house and ransack it yet again, would he steal from us again, was he alive or lying dead in a ditch or abandoned warehouse, etc...... you know the drill. I finally faced my fears, my worst fear was that my son could die and I would never know it. Yes, that could really happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I do not have any control over what my son chooses to do or how he lives his life. Once I truly accepted this, that the worst could happen there was a calm. It was okay to let go of the worry and wondering. Never let your son hold your emotions hostage. Come out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) You have done everything you can to help your son and he has made a choice to live his life the way he chooses. None of us can control what our adult children will do. The only control we have is how we choose to live our own lives. The most important thing you can do is be there for other kids. Help them to flourish. Do whatever you need to do to keep you, your family and home safe. Continue going to counseling, continue to heal and to grow. As for the sexual abuse, I was sexually abused by my bio father from toddler to preteen. I am proof that it can be overcome and does not have to define someone. You are doing the best thing for your son by having him go to therapy. It's not an easy journey you are on but you are not alone. It's time to take your life back and live for yourself. Stay close and keep posting. Let us know how you are doing. ((HUGS)) to you.................... [/QUOTE]
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I think it's time to cut off all ties to my oldest...but scared to do so...
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