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I think it's time to cut off all ties to my oldest...but scared to do so...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741999" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I will not tell you what to do. This is your decision. Nobody lives your life except you.</p><p></p><p>But I will say this: I think this is true what SWOT says. That your victimized child could, even would, see any contact with their abuser-brother as a message that their welfare and their feelings are not so important to you. By turning away and going forward you are modeling to them a path forward.</p><p></p><p>In life we have lots of different reasons to do things. And we are often split, ambivalent. We feel this, and the exact opposite at the same time. But there are times when we have to choose one voice to follow in ourselves and in our lives, no matter how conflicted we may be; no matter the pain. We do this because we see the writing on the wall, and we cannot look away. By deciding to not have contact with your adult son you would be telling your other children that you SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL. IT MATTERED. AND YOU ACTED. Decisively.</p><p></p><p>What SWOT is saying is that for you this is one of those times. Your children's pain and their futures depend upon your decisively choosing for them, and this means, deciding against your son.</p><p></p><p>I am more like smithsmom, who never closes the door completely. I have not lived your story. But SWOT has been through this tragedy and she knows how her children healed. I would listen. But if in your heart you want to believe that someday there can be contact in some form, at a time when your other children are healed and living independently, I think that that is your right to hold that in your heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741999, member: 18958"] I will not tell you what to do. This is your decision. Nobody lives your life except you. But I will say this: I think this is true what SWOT says. That your victimized child could, even would, see any contact with their abuser-brother as a message that their welfare and their feelings are not so important to you. By turning away and going forward you are modeling to them a path forward. In life we have lots of different reasons to do things. And we are often split, ambivalent. We feel this, and the exact opposite at the same time. But there are times when we have to choose one voice to follow in ourselves and in our lives, no matter how conflicted we may be; no matter the pain. We do this because we see the writing on the wall, and we cannot look away. By deciding to not have contact with your adult son you would be telling your other children that you SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL. IT MATTERED. AND YOU ACTED. Decisively. What SWOT is saying is that for you this is one of those times. Your children's pain and their futures depend upon your decisively choosing for them, and this means, deciding against your son. I am more like smithsmom, who never closes the door completely. I have not lived your story. But SWOT has been through this tragedy and she knows how her children healed. I would listen. But if in your heart you want to believe that someday there can be contact in some form, at a time when your other children are healed and living independently, I think that that is your right to hold that in your heart. [/QUOTE]
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I think it's time to cut off all ties to my oldest...but scared to do so...
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