I think my cousin's cat died

[TerryJ2]

I don't think I can take much more of this.
Starting April 1, the Day from H&ll, when P's handyman helped move a friend into P's NY apt and all H&ll broke loose, there was a wounded turkey buzzard in my yard, and I had finally finished my antibiotics for the cat bite, things have gone downhill.
You recall I re-homed the cat with-some people from my church and they fell in love with-her.
I made a stupid investment with-a broker on my cousin's behalf. He is under investigation by FINRA, the SEC and the FBI. (Can I pick 'em or what?) and I think I lost an entire yr's worth of convalescent care for my cousin. I've spent countless hrs filing paperwork with-the govn't and local attys.
I signed up P with-a therapist so we can get her into reality where she knows she cannot go home again and cannot have her own apt. She can't walk with-o assistance and can't even put the phone back on the cradle with-o losing it. She talks into the call button like it is a microphone and she hasn't taken a bath in 2 mo's. She was in tears at the therapist's ofc and I thought we'd made a breakthrough, but the next day she was back to her old carping about her apt and her cat.

difficult child has been awful lately. Yesterday we really got into it. The lackluster teacher came up the my car window at carpool and told me difficult child pulled a string out of his tie, played with-it all day, then said he couldn't wear it, all so he wouldn't have to wear it. The teachers made him staple it back together and put it back on. So she wrote up a demerit.
difficult child was in such a snit, he immediately got on my case when we pulled out of the pkng lot. I stupidly said something sarcastic, he got into a rage and started screaming at me in rush hr traffic (Fri b4 Memorial Day--ugh) and I spat tea in his face. He grabbed my wrist and bit as hard as he could. (Same hand ... shades of the cat from H&ll.)
Not easy to drive when you're sobbing and in pain. I dropped him off at husband's ofc and went home to bed.

I emailed the cat's new owner and said my cousin wanted to invite herself over to visit. They emailed back that Sat. isn't a good day ... and that something sad has happened.
I called them and there's no answer.
I hate my life.

 

[TerryJ2]

P.S. Everyone says I should learn to detach and just say the word, "No."
Yeah, right.

Here we go:
"No, you cannot see Lupia. She's in kitty heaven."
Major drama ensues ... it's all my fault. I walk away, unscathed, as though nothing happened, lightly brushing off my sleeve and touching up my lipstick.

"No, you cannot scream at me in the car when you're upset that the teacher is upset with-you. Get out and walk. Never mind that we're parked on the railroad tracks."
difficult child screams at me, I open door, push him out with-my feet, drive away. Train horn sounds in the distance ... I sip my iced tea in silence and tune the radio to classical music.

Is this detachment thing working yet?

 

[TerryJ2]

Argh.
I just talked to him.
Lupia attacked one of his daughters--flew at him from out of nowhere, threw her body against the daughter's back so hard that Lupia bruised her, and scratched and bit the heck out of her.
The daughter was holding her own cat at the time.
They had had other visitors and had no problems, but this came out of the blue.
They took the cat to the SPCA and quarantined her, then put her down.

Fine by me.

easy child just told me to tell P that there was a tumor pressing on the amygdala and caused severe aggression.
I love psychiatric majors!

 

[GoingNorth]

Could've been an amygdala tumor. I had to put a German Shepherd down for "rage seizures" and it turns out this is what she had.

 

[witzend]

You could say it was an illness but not say anything about the rage. How about just a tumor?

Skip the iced tea. Have a beer and a shot.

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, it's done.
I told P. I left out the rage part and just said that Lupia had a tumor and they had no choice but to put her down. She cried, of course, and said, "If only I'd seen her sooner, just one more time. Maybe I could have done something."
I told her that no one could have done anything, and that they put her down humanely.
This is going to take a few days for P to get used to. She's clinging so hard to any memory of NY, and this was a big blow.
I'm glad she didn't shoot the messenger, though.

 

[susiestar]

Darlin,

You need to get AWAY. Just for a couple of days. Doesn't have to be fancy, just not home around the phone calls, the problems, difficult child rages, etc... My mother has occasionally taken a project (sewing usually) and gone to a Motel 6 for a couple of days. She eats out or has food delivered. She sews, reads, watched mindless stuff on TV, and sleeps some more. It gives her time to do what SHE wants, to think with-o interruption, to not have to cope with anyone. Her cell phone goes with her but no incoming calls are answered unless it is her therapist. Maybe some version of this will help you?

difficult child seems to be showing a lot of violence toward you. The rage in the car was really dangerous. You both could have died from an accident caused by the rage and/or the bite. It may be time for him to go toa psychiatric hospital for some more intense help. Rages where he injures you or someone else simply cannot be tolerated. As it stems from his disorders, the psychiatric hospital is probably a more effective response than anything else.

I am sorry you got hurt again. You may have to turn daily handling of difficult child over to husband. If difficult child continues to be aggressive to you it will make it unsafe for you to take him anywhere in the car or even on foot. If he is also aggressive with husband, in the car or at home, then you really must call his psychiatrist and push for hospitalization.

Please see your doctor to have the bite taken care of. Human bites are worse than cat bites, or so I have been told.

I am so sorry things are so rough.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you. I will definitely bring it up to the psychiatrist and therapist.

The bite is not infected. It hurts, but not as much as the cat bite. Go figure!

difficult child and I apologized to one another. I told him that the next time Mrs. R comes up to the car window to say something bad, and she will, that we will have silence for 10 min. I will just pull over and we will sit. He agreed to that.
Sigh.
Meanwhile, I am going to talk to the principal, Sr. John Paul, and show her the necktie, and explain to her about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Asperger's, and tell her to take it off of their website.