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I think the stress of this one is going to be the one that does me in.....
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 530407" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I very nicely did say essentially just that. I tried to explain (mind you, we were in the waiting room when she came up to me so Q was standing there walking around, I had to be very careful what I said because I dont contradict people in front of him so when he was out of ear shot I softly talked to her....) that this kind of plan has been tried year after year. She said well he is older now... .I thought, wow you are really not listening to me, he is not older than the last time this was tried....well he is three months older I guess.... since it was last tried at his middle school and we all know how that ended. At his current school he has asked them like fifteen times if he is going to be suspended. They finally told him he did not need to worry about that. They told him the only time someone in the school gets suspended is when someone gets really hurt. He told them that makes his heart feel better. Can you imagine? I swear these people think I am just making an excuse. This school has been analyzing every single outburst or issue and not once have they felt that a bigger consequence would make a difference. They said they know with him that every day has to be a new day, that is how he is wired. They are right about that. Right now, I keep him in so he can't go out to play with the other kids. I wish that would change the behavior. If it would then things would be improving. I still have to do it just to avoid a possible situation, right now there is no other way. But if this kind of method would work for changing the behavior then all the times he says he is going to earn going out by never hitting again, or never swearing, (and he really means it when he is making those promises), then it would be a done deal. How much easier would life be if it worked. And I would the first one forcing him to sign a contract like that if it worked.</p><p></p><p> I see the point of it too Bunny, heck, even Q sees the point of it. He is sincere is saying he will follow it too. When his neurological system is regulated, he follows rules and doesn't blurt, gets work done, cooperates, isn't oppositional, and will agree to anything because it is easy for him in that state. (anyone have a kid who uses the incredible five point scale or a similar type of plan? when he is at a 2 "ready" state or what used to be for him "green" that is when he can do well). When he is at a 1 (under responsive and then is pushed) or a 3,4,5 which progressively is revved up, that is when he needs help getting back to a 2. At those times he is unable to access parts of his brain and/or parts of his brain are literally firing extra electricity into the emotional areas of his brain. It is documented on eeg's, not just my excuse or anything. Multiple professionals have told me this and I have actually had to adjust my own parenting over the years...still do....because it is natural to first want to say, well then you just can't ahve X or you need to do behaviors 9, 8, and 25 to be able to earn this... I have to be so careful to make sure they are things that he has consistent control over.</p><p></p><p>It is just such a multi-layer problem...so many factors can influence control over what even the doctors are now calling tics. (medications, seizures, internal state/mood/hunger/fatigue/temp, how he perceives things socially, his ability to communicate/understanding and expressing himself/sensory issues etc.). They also are saying may have developed panic disorder, I thought panic was part of it...now how to treat it with all of his medication sensitivities and not being able to cooperate with many of the therapies that treat that disorder.</p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p> And suspension/consequence contracts can work for a child who can learn that way. It would have worked great for me if I swore or skipped school or whatever, because it would have devastated me to have someone angry with me. I doubt they would use this kind of system for the children who have any other neurological challenge (saying a sound correctly, doing a fine motor task, walking with a better gait, etc...even if the child could do it sometimes and could tell you what the right way to do it is).</p><p> </p><p>I hope I can get a hold of the supervisor and I am going to actually say out loud what I want to say ahead of time to practice, then during the call I will be keeping my computer open with the summary I have from here and my own thoughts. I have had to deal with this stuff for so long I can be pretty tactful but inside and with you guys I can let it all hang out! I just have to be careful that my "ptsd" type of issues from this year do not take over and I do not uncharacteristically blow! (remember the poor jogger who crossed my path a month ago! That was so NOT me, but it really makes me know what Q must feel sometimes, I just lost it when he was so awful to us...good thing he didn't have a gun or anything--I do live in the big city after all, LOL)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 530407, member: 12886"] I very nicely did say essentially just that. I tried to explain (mind you, we were in the waiting room when she came up to me so Q was standing there walking around, I had to be very careful what I said because I dont contradict people in front of him so when he was out of ear shot I softly talked to her....) that this kind of plan has been tried year after year. She said well he is older now... .I thought, wow you are really not listening to me, he is not older than the last time this was tried....well he is three months older I guess.... since it was last tried at his middle school and we all know how that ended. At his current school he has asked them like fifteen times if he is going to be suspended. They finally told him he did not need to worry about that. They told him the only time someone in the school gets suspended is when someone gets really hurt. He told them that makes his heart feel better. Can you imagine? I swear these people think I am just making an excuse. This school has been analyzing every single outburst or issue and not once have they felt that a bigger consequence would make a difference. They said they know with him that every day has to be a new day, that is how he is wired. They are right about that. Right now, I keep him in so he can't go out to play with the other kids. I wish that would change the behavior. If it would then things would be improving. I still have to do it just to avoid a possible situation, right now there is no other way. But if this kind of method would work for changing the behavior then all the times he says he is going to earn going out by never hitting again, or never swearing, (and he really means it when he is making those promises), then it would be a done deal. How much easier would life be if it worked. And I would the first one forcing him to sign a contract like that if it worked. I see the point of it too Bunny, heck, even Q sees the point of it. He is sincere is saying he will follow it too. When his neurological system is regulated, he follows rules and doesn't blurt, gets work done, cooperates, isn't oppositional, and will agree to anything because it is easy for him in that state. (anyone have a kid who uses the incredible five point scale or a similar type of plan? when he is at a 2 "ready" state or what used to be for him "green" that is when he can do well). When he is at a 1 (under responsive and then is pushed) or a 3,4,5 which progressively is revved up, that is when he needs help getting back to a 2. At those times he is unable to access parts of his brain and/or parts of his brain are literally firing extra electricity into the emotional areas of his brain. It is documented on eeg's, not just my excuse or anything. Multiple professionals have told me this and I have actually had to adjust my own parenting over the years...still do....because it is natural to first want to say, well then you just can't ahve X or you need to do behaviors 9, 8, and 25 to be able to earn this... I have to be so careful to make sure they are things that he has consistent control over. It is just such a multi-layer problem...so many factors can influence control over what even the doctors are now calling tics. (medications, seizures, internal state/mood/hunger/fatigue/temp, how he perceives things socially, his ability to communicate/understanding and expressing himself/sensory issues etc.). They also are saying may have developed panic disorder, I thought panic was part of it...now how to treat it with all of his medication sensitivities and not being able to cooperate with many of the therapies that treat that disorder. And suspension/consequence contracts can work for a child who can learn that way. It would have worked great for me if I swore or skipped school or whatever, because it would have devastated me to have someone angry with me. I doubt they would use this kind of system for the children who have any other neurological challenge (saying a sound correctly, doing a fine motor task, walking with a better gait, etc...even if the child could do it sometimes and could tell you what the right way to do it is). I hope I can get a hold of the supervisor and I am going to actually say out loud what I want to say ahead of time to practice, then during the call I will be keeping my computer open with the summary I have from here and my own thoughts. I have had to deal with this stuff for so long I can be pretty tactful but inside and with you guys I can let it all hang out! I just have to be careful that my "ptsd" type of issues from this year do not take over and I do not uncharacteristically blow! (remember the poor jogger who crossed my path a month ago! That was so NOT me, but it really makes me know what Q must feel sometimes, I just lost it when he was so awful to us...good thing he didn't have a gun or anything--I do live in the big city after all, LOL) [/QUOTE]
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I think the stress of this one is going to be the one that does me in.....
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