I am doing pretty much everything all of you told me to do about keeping my home as safe as I can while we're gone. I've researched all I can and given my difficult child all the data I've learned about how to navigate the system should she choose to get an evaluation and start that process. My SO took the tent down and difficult child knows the cats must be removed from here ASAP. She worked out all the details of her parole/probation in a way that is actually doable and realistic. She has been staying elsewhere and knows being here is not an option. I saw her yesterday and she looks better and seemed as if she is on the case, at least in her own way, trying to find places to live and a job.
I understand now what many of you have told me, that at some point along the way, we as parents must let go. I see that we all have a different path to that ultimate knowledge, and it's a journey not one of us would choose, but it's where we have unhappily landed. I have done everything I can, I turned over every rock, had all the right communications, protected my granddaughter, set strong boundaries, educated myself about options, learned about detachment, kept myself very well supported, listened to those who've been there and followed almost all the advice given to me and kept the stress level as low as possible. And now, my difficult child is out there in her own life, making her own choices, doing her own thing. I have absolutely no control over her and her choices.
I am willing to help in limited ways. Now I know what those are, rather then the truckload of needs I thought I had to meet. You have all helped me understand where to draw that line and that has helped immeasurably.
I can sit here and look out onto the creek and the trees alongside my home without that huge green obstruction called a tent. The sun can filter in and brings so much light into the living room, it seems like a metaphor for the darkness that took over my home for the last 5 weeks. I just said that to my SO and he said, "the light won."
It's odd since nothing has really changed, my difficult child is still in essentially the same place, yet I feel liberated. I think it's an "inside job" where I had to go through all the feelings to come to my own realizations, allow my mothers heart to crack wide open and realize I actually lived through it.
You all have been my guiding light through this journey, thank you. I'm sure there is "more" to come, but for now, it's ok. We leave in a week and I plan to do exactly what Star suggested, enjoy our vacation and put this all away, It will all still be there when we return.
I understand now what many of you have told me, that at some point along the way, we as parents must let go. I see that we all have a different path to that ultimate knowledge, and it's a journey not one of us would choose, but it's where we have unhappily landed. I have done everything I can, I turned over every rock, had all the right communications, protected my granddaughter, set strong boundaries, educated myself about options, learned about detachment, kept myself very well supported, listened to those who've been there and followed almost all the advice given to me and kept the stress level as low as possible. And now, my difficult child is out there in her own life, making her own choices, doing her own thing. I have absolutely no control over her and her choices.
I am willing to help in limited ways. Now I know what those are, rather then the truckload of needs I thought I had to meet. You have all helped me understand where to draw that line and that has helped immeasurably.
I can sit here and look out onto the creek and the trees alongside my home without that huge green obstruction called a tent. The sun can filter in and brings so much light into the living room, it seems like a metaphor for the darkness that took over my home for the last 5 weeks. I just said that to my SO and he said, "the light won."
It's odd since nothing has really changed, my difficult child is still in essentially the same place, yet I feel liberated. I think it's an "inside job" where I had to go through all the feelings to come to my own realizations, allow my mothers heart to crack wide open and realize I actually lived through it.
You all have been my guiding light through this journey, thank you. I'm sure there is "more" to come, but for now, it's ok. We leave in a week and I plan to do exactly what Star suggested, enjoy our vacation and put this all away, It will all still be there when we return.
