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I think we should write a book or two
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 335404" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Re self-help book on parenting a difficult child - in some ways I've been writing it. I have a fair bit amassed already, a lot of it lifted from things I posted anyway and then developed. PLus stuff I wrote long before finding this site.</p><p></p><p>The way I see it - in the same way that "Explosive Child" isn't just about one particular disorder, a lot of what we can advise is very general, and often NOT found in the more specific self-help books.</p><p></p><p>Something I've observed which could be useful - the difficult child issues we deal with here can fall into different categories, and it's all affected by how we then perceive our kids.</p><p></p><p>For example, there are the spectrum-ish kids. They tend to be fairly honest (or so bad at lying that you generally know when they're trying it on). Sensory issues abound. Apparent insolence/rudeness are huge issues for some families which, if misread, can trigger a lot of ODD-type issues in these kids. parents also can get oppositional and need to recognise this in themselves. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 told me yesterday about a friend of hers - this girl has a mother who is very pushy, demanding et and I suspect bipolar. Mum wants daughter to have purple bridesmaids' dresses, daughter has always stated she wants red. But after seeing the purple swatches, daughter is beginning to think purple would also be good. But she is now reluctant to say, "Yes, I am now considering purple," because her mother has been so pushy about it, really being ridiculous about it ("Look, there is a purple car, it must be a sign,") that daughter doesn't want her mother to feel like she has won. I said to my daughter, "So your friend would avoid choosing a colour she now really wants anyway, purely to spite her mother?"</p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 said, "It's a bit more complicated than that - but yes."</p><p></p><p>The other group is the bipolar/schizophrenic group, or other mental illness. Sorry to group them here, I don't mean to say they are similar, only that there seems to be a dividing line between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and well and truly not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) group tends to include difficult children who are really constant with lies, deceit, self-delusional, denial, self-medicating more with drugs.</p><p></p><p>Each group has strengths and weaknesses. Approaches often need to be almost diametrically opposed, but in some areas the problems are the same. Social attitudes are a problem for both groups. Parent stress is a problem for all difficult children. Finding certainty in diagnosis - same story. Support in schools - we definitely need chapters here, on how to be your child's most appropriate, effective advocate. Although the majority of you are in the US, we still need to focus on those parameters that are worldwide in application - namely, anti-discrimination and human rights. More detail could be used in various examples, with not a lot of explanation needed on how the different country's systems work.</p><p></p><p>What is very important - defining terms. Not just acronyms, but exactly what is meant by a neuropsychologist, or Residential Treatment Center (RTC). What to expect from one. When to accept it, when to walk away.</p><p></p><p>Count me in!</p><p></p><p>As for the "getting older" collection, can you use my "You know you're entering menopause when..." jokes? Lines like, "You're up to four packs a day and you don't even smoke!" </p><p>Or "You understand why menopausal Mediterranean women wear black."</p><p></p><p>Or my favourite - "My bathroom looks like the shower scene from 'Psycho'."</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 335404, member: 1991"] Re self-help book on parenting a difficult child - in some ways I've been writing it. I have a fair bit amassed already, a lot of it lifted from things I posted anyway and then developed. PLus stuff I wrote long before finding this site. The way I see it - in the same way that "Explosive Child" isn't just about one particular disorder, a lot of what we can advise is very general, and often NOT found in the more specific self-help books. Something I've observed which could be useful - the difficult child issues we deal with here can fall into different categories, and it's all affected by how we then perceive our kids. For example, there are the spectrum-ish kids. They tend to be fairly honest (or so bad at lying that you generally know when they're trying it on). Sensory issues abound. Apparent insolence/rudeness are huge issues for some families which, if misread, can trigger a lot of ODD-type issues in these kids. parents also can get oppositional and need to recognise this in themselves. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 told me yesterday about a friend of hers - this girl has a mother who is very pushy, demanding et and I suspect bipolar. Mum wants daughter to have purple bridesmaids' dresses, daughter has always stated she wants red. But after seeing the purple swatches, daughter is beginning to think purple would also be good. But she is now reluctant to say, "Yes, I am now considering purple," because her mother has been so pushy about it, really being ridiculous about it ("Look, there is a purple car, it must be a sign,") that daughter doesn't want her mother to feel like she has won. I said to my daughter, "So your friend would avoid choosing a colour she now really wants anyway, purely to spite her mother?" easy child 2/difficult child 2 said, "It's a bit more complicated than that - but yes." The other group is the bipolar/schizophrenic group, or other mental illness. Sorry to group them here, I don't mean to say they are similar, only that there seems to be a dividing line between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and well and truly not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The not Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) group tends to include difficult children who are really constant with lies, deceit, self-delusional, denial, self-medicating more with drugs. Each group has strengths and weaknesses. Approaches often need to be almost diametrically opposed, but in some areas the problems are the same. Social attitudes are a problem for both groups. Parent stress is a problem for all difficult children. Finding certainty in diagnosis - same story. Support in schools - we definitely need chapters here, on how to be your child's most appropriate, effective advocate. Although the majority of you are in the US, we still need to focus on those parameters that are worldwide in application - namely, anti-discrimination and human rights. More detail could be used in various examples, with not a lot of explanation needed on how the different country's systems work. What is very important - defining terms. Not just acronyms, but exactly what is meant by a neuropsychologist, or Residential Treatment Center (RTC). What to expect from one. When to accept it, when to walk away. Count me in! As for the "getting older" collection, can you use my "You know you're entering menopause when..." jokes? Lines like, "You're up to four packs a day and you don't even smoke!" Or "You understand why menopausal Mediterranean women wear black." Or my favourite - "My bathroom looks like the shower scene from 'Psycho'." Marg [/QUOTE]
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