I thought difficult child was moving into a different realm....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Nov 9, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I got a call this am from PO. He said he'd just rec'd an email from difficult child's behavior counselor at Department of Juvenile Justice and difficult child had rec'd a sexual offense charge last night. My heart sank. I guess all the stuff on tv about the asst coach has this in the forefront in my miind and with all difficult child's past antics, he had never crossed the line into sexual issues, except for the lingeree phase during puberty. I visualized all possible situations then asked PO what exactly difficult child did and who else was involved.

    As it turns out, there was a female staff worker on duty in his unit last night. She got up to do rounds and look into each boy's room to check on them. difficult child was, well....taking care of himself, on his bed, but not covered to hide it. Oooopss....still, he was charged with an offense.

    I hope this doesn't offend anyone but, boy was I relieved!! I told PO that if difficult child wasn't trying to be seen or engage someone else in anyway and someone just happened to walk by and catch a peek of something then I didn't consider that deviant and felt they should just let it go and it shouldn't effect his release date. He agreed. It's not up to us though. Still, I was and am sooooo relieved! I wanted to yell out, "well, what do you expect a teen boy who's been incarcerated for years to do??"" LOL!!

    I seriously think the embaressment for difficult child getting a charge for this, having to be confronted with it and answer to it to a group of mixed-gendered staff and knowing his mom was informed of what he did is going to be enough of a punishment for him!
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm sure they have their reasons but really ...you would think they'd want them to relieve themselves and reduce stress. Would he have a charge if a man had checked? Just wondering ...
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Good question- about if it had been a man. I called one of the counselors a few mins ago and she also stressed that it was a female staff member. Well, wouldn't you think they'd be a little prepared for that much if they are working in Department of Juvenile Justice? Anyway, I guess the problem is that he didn't keep it under his blanket- they don't think he intentionally tried to expose himself to her because he didn't call for her and didn't know when she'd be getting up to do rounds and peek thru windows to check bunks- and he was on his bunk. I'm sure he's dying of embaressment.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    They get in the punishment mode, I get that, it is the nature of the beast there, but it doesn' t make it right. After all, they are talking about juveniles. Many with actual disabilities in terms of impulse control. The charge should be dropped. No criminal intent at all. Just MHO
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    I know another charge isn't funny. But what a relief that it was just 'normal boy stuff' and 'difficult child prison rules' instead of the other way around!!
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    thank you! I agree. After all my son has done, and he definitely has done his share wrong- this is actually NORMAL, especially for a boy nearly 17yo with no sexual activity in a relationship and he was in the most private place they have there and it was during the night. I wonder if the woman was new at her job. I hope they drop it when he goes before that hearing board. They know he's not a sexual offender and has never had the first sexual accusation against him.

    Yeah, JJJ- I almost busted out laughing to PO, too, but didn't think he knows me well enough yet to be absolutely sure that he wouldn't think difficult child would be doing something like this 'out in the open' at home. But when I made it clear to PO that if difficult child was just 'alone' in this and someone happened to walk by and see, then I think they should just let it go, that's when I heard a sigh of relief from PO (a male). LOL! Seriously, I also wanted to say "Oh- I'm glad to hear my son did something NORMAL for a change and is sexually healthy and not trying to engage with other boys just because he's incarcerated!"

    Buddy- just to clarify- it isn't a street charge (meaning an addition to his court record). I guess I should have clarified- it's just a Department of Juvenile Justice facility charge- TG!!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh lordy. This reminds me of when Cory was in wilderness camp. He was still 11 at the time, almost 12, and one of his camp mates had brought back that new found form of relaxation to the group. The little boy learned about it from his older brother and then he told all the other little boys while they were inside their tents. They slept in tents in groups 4 or 5. Well...the camp leaders...or whatever they were called...ended up finding the little boys in Corys tent having a show and tell party...lol. They made him call us and tell us that he was caught touching himself and talking about it with the other boys. He was so mortified. I was like...and? This is odd why? I kept waiting for these people to explain where something awful happened and they kept going on and on about how this innocent thing happened and Im looking at them all puzzled like why are they making such a big fuss and they kept looking at me like I must be the biggest floozy on the planet.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    Isn't it nice when we get these calls and they turn out to be reassurance that there is something normal about our boys after all??
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh good, not good really, sorry....I mean just good that it is no a bigger thing. Still, like you said, it should just be dropped. (and really, I still think unofficially not discouraged....not saying to ENcourage it, but to just leave it alone if it is in private).

    In the mean time, I got an email from school that difficult child was doing well...EXCEPT for the "sexual" words he is perseverating on...poor kid is being kept in a private little no window room for most of his day, even lunch..sigh. BOYS!
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Do they give them any warning before they just burst in to the room? And are these checks done at the same time every night so the boys know when to expect it?

    There was a big problem with this at the close security adult prison where I worked but these guys were doing it on purpose to try to embarass or frighten the female staff who were coming around doing the count. Some of them would stand by the door when they knew a female officer would be doing the count, some would yell out lewd comments while doing it. Some would even stand on a chair so she could have a better view or flash the lights in their cell on and off to get her attention. These inmates were written up for "Sexual Misconduct".

    What happened with your son is an entirely different thing and sounds like it was purely an accident, totally unintentional. They competely over reacted and the fact that he was embarassed by it shows that he certainly didn't intend for anyone to see him! There's a world of difference in someone doing this with the intention to harass or embarass a female staff member and a boy just doing what boys do and then someone walked in at the wrong time!
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    K- I chuckled too when I read what he had done. To the PO I would have been like - and so? Why are you telling me? Good grief. He is just being normal and they have to make "a deal" about it. Keeping my fingers crossed that they drop the whole thing.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ya know..in difficult children probably warped mind, he is probably somewhat proud that they are making this a "big"deal. Emphasis on big.
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sounds like a normal teen boy thing to me, sure hope he gets someone that understands that instead of an actual charge.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh, Janet! (so bad)
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I can't go there DJ- he's my son. LOL!

    Donna, the PO called me to let me know difficult child had been charged with something and it might effect his release date because we are working out terms of parole this week, which include transport, etc. The lady I called this afternoon to get more information didn't come right out and say what their biggest problem with this was but she did stress the wording "it was a FEMALE staff person". OK- I know, not a pretty sight but still- she's working in Department of Juvenile Justice with a lot of males. And she said that "we have rules on this and the boys know and it was the fact that he wasn't covered up". That implies to me that maybe the boys are told to 'keep it under the blanket' or something along those lines.

    As far as how she actually 'saw' anything- she didn't go into his room but the doors to the rooms have view windows. She made rounds- walking and looking in the view windows. I know difficult child knows that staff make rounds but even though they are supposed to do them somewhat regularly and timely, difficult child has mentioned in the past that some staff don't do it at all and some do it whenever they feel like it. The lady I spoke to today said that difficult child had not called for staff and requested this female staff person or any staff person to come to his room and he was in his bed, not near the door or view window, so the general concensus of the staff was that he did not intend or try to be 'seen'. I feel sure that he didn't- unless he's changed a whole lot the past couple of years. He would have been mortified if anyone saw him when he was living with me.

    Also, I asked if this lady who saw him was the one to report it and the lady told me no, but she told her super who reported it. That's the same as her reporting it to me but that's a good sign. I just wanted to make sure this wasn't a corrupt staff woman who was getting her jollies by watching him or who might have encouraged it. So I do think that part is kosher. I guess they have those rules to 'keep it covered' to prevent too much exposure since females are staff, too, and because these are all juveniles. Still, I would hope they would just let this go and not hold difficult child in there longer for it. They also said they did not put him in lock for it and kept him in the unit, continuing his treatment plan, so that's a good sign. I tend to think this must be a new staff person who just is caught up in the rules. Certainly, I can see a report if it was 2 boys or a boy was trying to 'flaunt' to a staff or try to engage a staff in an act. But they have much bigger problems to worry about than difficult child becoming uncovered when he's alone.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You know, after thinking about it- difficult child normally became (becomes?) aggressive when he's caught doing something wrong, no matter what it is, and there was no report or indication that he became aggressive when written up or confronted about this. That alone is a good sign to me.
  17. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That does seem like a really good sign. Good self control. Hope it is a trend for the better for him. Good job noticing that.
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    While I can see the logic of "keeping it under the blankets"... Umm. It makes a mess, hmm? So. If he was on his bunk, why did she report that he was pleasuring himself? This is normal behavior for a teen male. Better than him attacking another male, Know what I mean?? This female guard should have laughed it off and kept her big mouth shut.

    Just my $0.02. And it's nice to get a laugh, hmm?