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Substance Abuse
I threw him out.
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 674725" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Awww Sad, I think we all go through different phases. It all just gets so exhausting. I am glad you will keep your guard up and not allow him back in your home.</p><p></p><p>I have been there, done that, many times.....</p><p></p><p>Looking back at all the <em>cumulative </em>stuff I put up with, I am talking to myself like "What was wrong with you woman? Were you in a coma?</p><p>Like walking pneumonia, a walking, wakeful coma?"</p><p></p><p>It's a stupification curse, thats what it is Sad, I fell under a spell, or some addict voodoo magic that just blind-sided me to what was going on.</p><p></p><p>I knew <em>something</em> was going on, just couldn't quite figure it. Then things just started<em> not adding up</em>, things went missing, geez I thought I was going bonkers misplacing jewelry, cash.</p><p>I was feeling a little <em>demented</em>, if you know what I mean.</p><p></p><p>Then all of a sudden KABAM! The big AH HA! Then Oh My God! My kid?</p><p></p><p>There it was, the truth. Then all the other stuff added up, 2+2 was 4 again, and I was like, you got to be kidding me? Dazed and confused.</p><p></p><p>The excuses, the lies and deceit, it is an unbelievable ride that I never bargained for.</p><p>I became plain old madder than a hornet. Sad, mad, guilt ridden, grieving, numb hits and it hits hard.</p><p>We go through this grieving process, but our d cs are still here on this earth, they are <em>gone to their drug of choice, </em>on this unfathomable path.</p><p></p><p>Then showing up again, <em>in my face.</em></p><p>What is a mother to do?</p><p>I know PTSD is a terrible thing, but we need our own acronym for this.</p><p>It is so insidiously on-going.</p><p>The ups, the downs, the trying, the seeing that we just cannot fix this thing.</p><p>Numb is right.</p><p>I do believe this is the hardest thing known to man. There are not enough books, or plays, or songs or movies out there to describe this accurately to folks who have never been touched by the addiction monster.</p><p></p><p>Numb.</p><p><em>Like they are not even ours. </em></p><p>They are so very far from being what we had hoped and dreamed of.</p><p></p><p>The trick for me now, is to try to find a middle ground. Loving detachment. Huh.</p><p>Still reeling from the horror ride, and the realization of what this is.</p><p>Addiction.</p><p></p><p>So, one day at a time. Taking things real slow, and doing things on <em>my timeline</em>, that<em> I am comfortable with</em>.</p><p>The biggest reality, they will not be living here, I will not give them money.</p><p>They have taken my trust and ripped it to shreds.</p><p>It will take a lot for them to glue it back together.</p><p>The glue has to be their action, not their words.</p><p></p><p>I shall have to be on my toes Sad. Thinking and reflecting and building myself up, shaking off the addict voodoo magic and the stupefication curse.</p><p></p><p>I am thinking of an acronym....PTSD just doesn't cut it for me,</p><p>cause this thing is ongoing.</p><p>In fact, I don't want to have any "disorder".</p><p>I want some order.</p><p>Ordinary.</p><p>Normalcy, Peace.</p><p>I will be striving for this.</p><p></p><p>You are not alone Sad, I am right there with you.</p><p>Thanks for letting me vent,</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/soapbox.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":soapbox:" title="soapbox :soapbox:" data-shortname=":soapbox:" /></p><p>SIGH.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 674725, member: 19522"] Awww Sad, I think we all go through different phases. It all just gets so exhausting. I am glad you will keep your guard up and not allow him back in your home. I have been there, done that, many times..... Looking back at all the [I]cumulative [/I]stuff I put up with, I am talking to myself like "What was wrong with you woman? Were you in a coma? Like walking pneumonia, a walking, wakeful coma?" It's a stupification curse, thats what it is Sad, I fell under a spell, or some addict voodoo magic that just blind-sided me to what was going on. I knew [I]something[/I] was going on, just couldn't quite figure it. Then things just started[I] not adding up[/I], things went missing, geez I thought I was going bonkers misplacing jewelry, cash. I was feeling a little [I]demented[/I], if you know what I mean. Then all of a sudden KABAM! The big AH HA! Then Oh My God! My kid? There it was, the truth. Then all the other stuff added up, 2+2 was 4 again, and I was like, you got to be kidding me? Dazed and confused. The excuses, the lies and deceit, it is an unbelievable ride that I never bargained for. I became plain old madder than a hornet. Sad, mad, guilt ridden, grieving, numb hits and it hits hard. We go through this grieving process, but our d cs are still here on this earth, they are [I]gone to their drug of choice, [/I]on this unfathomable path. Then showing up again, [I]in my face.[/I] What is a mother to do? I know PTSD is a terrible thing, but we need our own acronym for this. It is so insidiously on-going. The ups, the downs, the trying, the seeing that we just cannot fix this thing. Numb is right. I do believe this is the hardest thing known to man. There are not enough books, or plays, or songs or movies out there to describe this accurately to folks who have never been touched by the addiction monster. Numb. [I]Like they are not even ours. [/I] They are so very far from being what we had hoped and dreamed of. The trick for me now, is to try to find a middle ground. Loving detachment. Huh. Still reeling from the horror ride, and the realization of what this is. Addiction. So, one day at a time. Taking things real slow, and doing things on [I]my timeline[/I], that[I] I am comfortable with[/I]. The biggest reality, they will not be living here, I will not give them money. They have taken my trust and ripped it to shreds. It will take a lot for them to glue it back together. The glue has to be their action, not their words. I shall have to be on my toes Sad. Thinking and reflecting and building myself up, shaking off the addict voodoo magic and the stupefication curse. I am thinking of an acronym....PTSD just doesn't cut it for me, cause this thing is ongoing. In fact, I don't want to have any "disorder". I want some order. Ordinary. Normalcy, Peace. I will be striving for this. You are not alone Sad, I am right there with you. Thanks for letting me vent, :soapbox: SIGH. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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