I want to go away

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Aug 27, 2007.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I was home today with a migraine and some really gross lower GI stuff (I hate that other word lol). Doctor gave me imitrex for the migraine. I know that it's supposed to be non-drowsy, but it knocks me out cold every time.

    The last few days have been a little difficult for me. Feeling very overwhelmed (have to move, finances - lack of them - health, work, kids, you name it), trying not to let it get to me and not being very successful. But still trying.

    A little background: Some of you may remember from previous posts how my son was before the heart attack how unsupportive - ok, outright nasty - my son was to me. Told me I was lazy, selfish and irresponsible. I was barely functional, my health was so poor. Doctor said I had Chronic Fatigue. We, of course, now know she was wrong. In April, I had my second heart cath followed by my second internal abdominal bleed (complication from the procedure). easy child knew what was going on. It's incredibly painful. The only pain medications I had was tramadol and tylenol...didn't cut it. I sat in a chair all night until 6:30 in the morning, Indian style and hunched over...it was the only position I could find that wasn't excruciating. I finally went to bed at 6:30 am. easy child again told me I was selfish, lazy and irresponsible.

    So, easy child got home from school today and I was asleep on the couch. That makes him mad. He calls Nana (my mom) on speaker so I can hear everything being said. First thing he said is that he wants to stay with her tonight. She lives 45 min away. Then he says the house is disgusting. There are 2 pans on the stove, dishwasher is loaded it just needs to be run, and while I was sleeping the dog got into the litterbox (ewww) and left a bit of it on the carpet. Told my mom I didn't go to work today. That may not sound like much, but he does these things to "tell on me" to my mom. He's always done this. Since he was little. If he got in trouble for something, he would call my mom. She takes his side. She did when I was so ill before the heart attack. I wasn't allowed to be sick. I was just judged. It hurts.

    AND he did this with his friend here. I sent his friend home and told easy child I was done. I'm done being concerned with how he feels. That's the only thing he is concerned about. I spent the last week consoling him over his dad and trying to figure out how I'm going to buy him a car. He can walk.

    And I cried.

    I may very well have lost my job today. I've missed so much work - not just since March, but the 6 months prior to, also. I can't seem to bring myself to care today.

    I'm rambling, I know. There is so much to say, but it would be a book. I just want to disappear. Find a rock to crawl under or a cave to hide in. I don't care where. Just somewhere else.

    Bleck. I'm whining, I know. I just feel like all my inner resources are gone.
     
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh Honey. ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

    I am just so sorry.

    OK, so now I have been sitting here with this post open for 5 minutes, trying to come up with something profound or comforting to say. And I can't come up with anything. I just want to put my foot in your kid's behind for ya.

    Oh, and Tink wants to call my mom to tell on me ALL. THE. TIME.
     
  3. envisablepuppet

    envisablepuppet New Member

    I don't mean to sound rude or mean or anything, but are you sure he deserves a easy child title? How inconsiderate!!! Tell him to go LIVE with grandma. If she is being as insensitive toward you as he is then they deserve each other.

    I'm sorry if that's rude but your post really angered me. You need support right now not the people that are supposed to love and care about you the most making your life harder then it already is. I can understand you being so upset. If I was in the condition you sound like your in, I'd be devastated if I were being treated like that.

    I hope you start feeling better soon and things are ok at work. You did call in sick right? Did they know you were having all these medication problems? If so maybe they will be more understanding then you think.

    Just try to get some rest and don't let easy child? or mother get to you to much.

    Lea
     
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    First, HUGS. Migraines really, really stink!!!

    Shame it's not the beginning of summer rather than beginning of school year or I'd be having "easy child" spend the summer with mom. Then he can call you and tattle on mom. Since you probably can't have mom keep the ingrate for a bit, maybe you can talk to her and tell she can't take sides, especially without all the facts. Maybe even play on her sympathy and explain there is just too much on your plate right now to cope with her judgments. If not, you may have to distance yourself from your mother, at least for awhile.

    I totally agree about the car -- he can walk or ride a bike or take the bus or call grandma. Few 16 year olds are mature enough to drive in my opinion and one with your son's attitude doesn't deserve it. He wants a car, he can work and buy it himself.

    Sometimes losing a job can be a blessing in disguise. Frightening at first, but it does give you a chance to see what alternatives are out there. Besides, you haven't lost it yet. If you think you will lose it, maybe now is the time to start looking for a new job?

    I wish you lots of luck and hope your head and gut are better soon.
     
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    :cry: Like Kitty, I can think of nothing other to say than I AM SO SORRY!

    I so now how you feel, I know how it stinks to be single, alone, and have no resources other than yourself. To top it off you have your kid being some kinda judgmental jacka** that only cares about his pleasure, his power, his world. It is days like yours that I can only see black.......and it is horrible.

    I wish I could, or anyone could, have the perfect words, or actions to make the blackness disappear for you. I think the last post I wrote, where I was in a similar place, you said at least this board could be my flashlight. Today, I hope we can be that for you, as well.

    You know it will get better........just try to get through today.
    Can "easy child" go live with grandma for awhile?
     
  6. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Heather,

    I'm another one without the right words... I just want you to know I'm thinking about you and hoping tomorrow will be a better day...

    I hope you feel better soon!!! :flower:

    As far as easy child goes, I think walking would be the least of his problems if he were mine :grrr:...

    Sending lots of cyber hugs. WFEN :flower: :flower:
     
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Well, he's vacuuming now. My head is thumping, but it's his way of making amends. I really don't care right now. I'm so upset with him. In the past, I've always just gotten angry. Today, I cried.

    He left for a bit to go to his friends. When I sent his friend home, he immediately said he was going there. I told him he wasn't. It didn't even get that heated. I told him I was sick of it, started to cry and told him I was done. He went to his room, came down a few minutes later said he was sorry he hurt me, asked if he could go to his friends. I told him that I didn't care; I just wanted him out of my sight. Harsh? Yep. Do I care? Not at the moment.

    When he did the thing in April I referred to in the original post, my mom defended him. I was infuriated. Had it out with her. She finally gets it, I think. She at least pretends. It's always been hard to make her understand things and it's usually taken a knock-down-drag-out to do it. Almost like I'm not really serious unless I get horribly upset. I had my first major depressive episode when I was 14 and her way of helping was reminding me of all the starving children in the world and that I didn't have it so bad. She doesn't do well with health or mental health issues. She's never had problems with either, so she doesn't understand.

    I called her a bit ago. She didn't defend him. Could have knocked me over with a feather.

    They do know what's going on at work, but I can't say I blame them. It's not fair to everyone else and they've been supportive for a long time. Well, my boss has been, anyway. If I do lose my job, it probably will be a blessing in disguise, and I have been looking to see what's out there.

    Thank you for the support and understanding. Sometimes I feel so isolated in this.

    I'm changing easy child's title to easy child/PITA. Or maybe just PITA.
     
  8. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    It sounds as though just maybe, your mother, is finally starting to "get it".

    Even if you don't lose your job, it sounds as though you're not really happy doing it anyway. in my humble opinion, I think you should continue searching for something else.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. I think you have every right to tell PITA to get out of your sight!!! :grrr: He's old enough to understand how much he hurt you and that a bit of vacuuming isn't going to "fix" it.

    I hope you can relax a bit this evening :bath:, etc... It sounds like you really could use a bit of "me" time!!!

    Hoping tomorrow is a better day... :flower: WFEN
     
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    He was just down here. Wanted to talk about it. I told him I didn't. He accused me of not caring. I didn't respond. He asked why I don't care. I told him because this is no longer about him; it's about me.

    He then tells me I'm exaggerating everything. That he didn't do anything. Blah, blah, blah. Accuses me of not listening. Told him to go upstairs. I didn't want to hear it. I really meant it when I said I was done.

    It's the old turn it around on you defense. Told him if things are so horrible here, he can find somewhere else to live. He wants me to make him feel better for making me feel bad. Not happening anymore.
     
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    ARRRRRRGH!!!

    My EX used to do that to me. And when I would call him on it, he would look at me like I was crazy. And after hearing it enough times, I really thought I WAS the one who was crazy. Dammit.
     
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    First, {{{{{{{{{{{big hugs}}}}}}}}}}} for your pain, and for the way that your family is treating you.

    Second, it sounds to me as if they deserve each other. easy child doesn't sound so easy child, and your mom was way out of line. She should have told him to man up and start doing the dishes and the house cleaning himself. Or live with it. For that matter, why isn't she over at your house helping out?

    Maybe I'm jaded by my own misspent youth, and by the difficulties that I had with my own teenagers, but as things stand right now, I don't know that it's bound to get much better between you and easy child for a while, and it's taking too much of a toll on you. Realistically, how long would the two of them be able to tolerate each other? Would she put up with him, or would she get sick of his mouthiness and send him packing?

    If I were you, I'd pack his bags and tell him to not let the door hit him in the behind on his way out. Tell him he's welcome back home when he can act like a young man, not a little spoiled child. So, mom's sick and can't wait on him hand and foot? Life gets a lot harder than that, sonny-boy.

    Maybe he'll come back a little more humble than he is now, you never know. And you could get some rest.
     
  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Kiddo! Time to get out the flashlights...you have an excuse: there's a total luner eclipse at 4:00 in the morning!

    Listen: All 16 year olds put themselves first...add to the fact that he's male and you've got the perfect PITA!

    But, since he's the "entitled" 16 year old, it seems to me that anyone that has so much time on their hands to sit and complain about the housework not being done needs more to do.

    Here's my suggestion: once the migraine is gone AND you've gotten him up appropriately, you can make an announcement:

    "I am physically ill. You are not. I work a full time job WHILE physically ill. You do not. I don't care if there are a couple of pots on the stove. You do. You are now in charge of the kitchen, the vacuuming, and getting the laundry down to the laundry room as well as putting it away. Oh, and by the way, if you want a car, get a part-time job, maintain a B average and do your new household chores. Remember: You have to be up and bright and smiling the second I walk in the door as you require me to be." "Oh, and don't EVER attempt to embarass me in front of your friend or my mother again. I have naked baby pictures of you that I will <u>pay</u> to put in your yearbook!"

    Just a thought! :devil:

    Keep your chin up! You deserve better!

    Beth
     
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Beth.

    I just laughed Diet Pepsi out my nose.

    It got all over my monitor.

    I will send you the bill.

    Thank you.
     
  14. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    ummmm, "Feel the burn?" I HATE when that happens - try the Caffeine Free Diet Coke, it doesn't burn the sinuses as much!

    :smile:

    me
     
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Heather,
    Many gentle hugs to you tonight. I'm sorry easy child is being such a PITA. I like Beth's suggestion about turning all that stuff over to him.
     
  16. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Heather,

    Excuse me, but where does your easy child get off calling your mother & tattle on you? My goodness & to do this in front of friends. This young man needs to get off his butt & pitch in.

    You are in the midst of a chronic illness. It disrupts the entire family & seems "unfair". Geez, life can be unfair - that's life.

    I'm livid for you, Heather.

    At the worst of my illness (last week) I had all sorts of people wondering through my home; some offered to help clean up - others didn't. Not one of them made a comment on the state of my house. I'd have to had beat them with my cane.

    Heather, I'd want to run away too - there is just too much going on with your health combined with too little help. Can you find any in home help for a few hours a week to keep up with laundry & basic housekeeping?

    In the meantime, blow this off & continue to take care of yourself.

    (((Hugs))) :flower:
     
  17. ML

    ML Guest

    You are in a very difficult situation. You're not crazy and you most certainly you are NOT lazy. Raising kids alone, difficult child kids can take all of our resources when well. I am just so sad to hear your health is suffering. I pray that you heal both physically and spiritually, knowing that you are a beautiful, amazing woman who is loved and valued. Your CD family loves you!!!
     
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tell mom next time he calls her to tell him it is not acceptable for him to call and tattle on you to your mom like you are a little kid. If she stops it right from the phone call - it is over. Never to happen again. It is up to your mom to do what is right as well.
     
  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

     
  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh no you don't.

    Not without me!
     
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