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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 598331" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>difficult child has all the power, Welcome. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like he is playing a game. </p><p></p><p>I think it is time for you to take back your power.</p><p></p><p>difficult child was raised better than to do what he is doing. </p><p></p><p>He is pushing you, stretching what he is allowed to get away with a little farther each time. </p><p></p><p>I say continue to pay for the phone, but don't take difficult child's calls. Don't respond to his texts. </p><p></p><p>For sure, don't call him.</p><p></p><p>All you really want to know is that difficult child is alive and well enough to use the phone you are paying for. At this point, conversation is futile, anyway. He's 17 years old. If you stick to your guns, he is bound to leave a text or a voice mail, sooner or later. </p><p></p><p>But here's the thing: If you don't respond to that, either? Or to his texts? You will know he's alright, but the power dynamic will have shifted. A subtle shift, to be sure, but a beginning. Then? You can text him your expectations. By the time that happens? You will have had time to make that mental and emotional shift that enables a parent to set expectations in the first place.</p><p></p><p>You need to do something to change the power dynamic. </p><p></p><p>Learn what the legal situation is in your state when a minor child refuses to come home. (Which is the real situation, here ~ difficult child is refusing to come home, refusing to attend classes.) The other real situation is that difficult child is supposed to be at home, obeying the rules of the home, and preparing for his future ~ not lollygagging around doing who knows what. Do you suspect anything illegal? Drug or alcohol use? Now, before difficult child turns 18, is when you have the power of the state behind you to enforce your parental rights over difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Do you know what your parental rights are? </p><p></p><p>Can you require that difficult child be picked up?</p><p></p><p>Tested?</p><p></p><p>Even if you never use any of the things you learn Welcome, simply knowing that you are not powerless here will change the tone of your interactions with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>He needs to be home. He needs to be making preparations for his future. As things stand now, he will decide to come home at around 25 or 26. He won't have an education, a job, or money. Now is when you can change that, Welcome. </p><p></p><p>After 18? I don't think there is anything you can do.</p><p> </p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 598331, member: 1721"] difficult child has all the power, Welcome. It sounds like he is playing a game. I think it is time for you to take back your power. difficult child was raised better than to do what he is doing. He is pushing you, stretching what he is allowed to get away with a little farther each time. I say continue to pay for the phone, but don't take difficult child's calls. Don't respond to his texts. For sure, don't call him. All you really want to know is that difficult child is alive and well enough to use the phone you are paying for. At this point, conversation is futile, anyway. He's 17 years old. If you stick to your guns, he is bound to leave a text or a voice mail, sooner or later. But here's the thing: If you don't respond to that, either? Or to his texts? You will know he's alright, but the power dynamic will have shifted. A subtle shift, to be sure, but a beginning. Then? You can text him your expectations. By the time that happens? You will have had time to make that mental and emotional shift that enables a parent to set expectations in the first place. You need to do something to change the power dynamic. Learn what the legal situation is in your state when a minor child refuses to come home. (Which is the real situation, here ~ difficult child is refusing to come home, refusing to attend classes.) The other real situation is that difficult child is supposed to be at home, obeying the rules of the home, and preparing for his future ~ not lollygagging around doing who knows what. Do you suspect anything illegal? Drug or alcohol use? Now, before difficult child turns 18, is when you have the power of the state behind you to enforce your parental rights over difficult child. Do you know what your parental rights are? Can you require that difficult child be picked up? Tested? Even if you never use any of the things you learn Welcome, simply knowing that you are not powerless here will change the tone of your interactions with difficult child. He needs to be home. He needs to be making preparations for his future. As things stand now, he will decide to come home at around 25 or 26. He won't have an education, a job, or money. Now is when you can change that, Welcome. After 18? I don't think there is anything you can do. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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