dashcat
Member
...is what you have been saying all along.
I talked with a person I trust at the FA meeting last week. I've talked to you people via this forum, and a local CD friend by phone and, yesterday I went to the therapist.
It's time.
The therapist knows her, knows the situation and - while careful not to breach confidentiality - helped me to see that setting a deadline with the understanding that difficult child will have to make new iving arrangements if she does not find a job by then, really is the only way at this point. Well, I suppose another way would be to go on like this forever, but that hardly seems an option.
She's at the game with Mr. Ostrich today and, since I have a fairly open schedule tomorrow, I plan to talk with her then. I'm going to give her three weeks. I think that's enough time,without being too much time. She will need to find a job by then and she will need to show me proof that she has that job....a paycheck stub an ACH deposit record, something.
I also plan to suggest that we attend a therapist session together so that we an work through the kinks of this (and, hopefully, to get her closer to seeing a psychiatrist). I am going to do my best to present this in a firm, but loving way. "This is hard. I love you enough to do what is hard, but doing what we are doing will be worse in the long run."
After starting work, she will begin to pay rent on a sliding scale (she was doing this at her other job),working up to a set amount.
I think she may be sensing the end is near becasue she's been extra helpful over the last few days. She doesn't love doing the work for me, but she doesn't want to see it end either - as that means she will have to don a smock and wait on strangers, or work in a factory, or something.
I know I'm in for a bumpy ride. The whole thing with the note last week and all the despair, followed by mania and drama have been exhausting. Still, I have to be careful not to fall into the trap of walking on eggshells. I'm beginning to suspect I may have been played a little... more than a little. I say this even though I know she is honestly struggling. That's the tough thing about having a difficult child. We know they struglle,yet rolling over and giving in hurts them even more.
Wish me luck. I will report back.
Dash
I talked with a person I trust at the FA meeting last week. I've talked to you people via this forum, and a local CD friend by phone and, yesterday I went to the therapist.
It's time.
The therapist knows her, knows the situation and - while careful not to breach confidentiality - helped me to see that setting a deadline with the understanding that difficult child will have to make new iving arrangements if she does not find a job by then, really is the only way at this point. Well, I suppose another way would be to go on like this forever, but that hardly seems an option.
She's at the game with Mr. Ostrich today and, since I have a fairly open schedule tomorrow, I plan to talk with her then. I'm going to give her three weeks. I think that's enough time,without being too much time. She will need to find a job by then and she will need to show me proof that she has that job....a paycheck stub an ACH deposit record, something.
I also plan to suggest that we attend a therapist session together so that we an work through the kinks of this (and, hopefully, to get her closer to seeing a psychiatrist). I am going to do my best to present this in a firm, but loving way. "This is hard. I love you enough to do what is hard, but doing what we are doing will be worse in the long run."
After starting work, she will begin to pay rent on a sliding scale (she was doing this at her other job),working up to a set amount.
I think she may be sensing the end is near becasue she's been extra helpful over the last few days. She doesn't love doing the work for me, but she doesn't want to see it end either - as that means she will have to don a smock and wait on strangers, or work in a factory, or something.
I know I'm in for a bumpy ride. The whole thing with the note last week and all the despair, followed by mania and drama have been exhausting. Still, I have to be careful not to fall into the trap of walking on eggshells. I'm beginning to suspect I may have been played a little... more than a little. I say this even though I know she is honestly struggling. That's the tough thing about having a difficult child. We know they struglle,yet rolling over and giving in hurts them even more.
Wish me luck. I will report back.
Dash