I wish i could swear....you all would get an earful

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Aug 22, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Ok i am still overseas...getting home on Saturday. Good thing we have had a good peaceful trip until now. I am so disgusted and fed up with my son that i just feel numb. I did not have internet for a few days. Got on today and got a FB message from my son that he couldnt handle the scrutiny and he was leaving the program!!! The program that has realy been there for him, has not kicked him out, that was really helping him!!! Can you believe it? I am sure all you warrior parents can.

    I had gathered from his FB page that he is now in a relationship with a new girl from the program. That ws worrying me because 2 kids in this kind of program needing help does not make for a healthy relationship!!!

    Last week his therapist told us he had failed a drug test (spice) and was really struggling. They were tightening the reins and putting him back on 24 hour supervision. Apparently that made him angry which is when i got the message from him. His phone also got wet and doesnt work. He said he woulc commuicate with us somehow.

    Got an email from his therapist...he and this girl went awol yesterday. They finally sent her a text message ( after no response from messages from difficult child) saying if they didnt hear from her they would have to call the police. So they did hear back that they are ok.

    Of course this means he cant go back to the program. I think we are too the point where we have to cut off all financial support even for treatment....we really cant afford to keep doing this. I am really angry at allwe have put into trying to help him.

    I am kind of to the point of giving up. I just cant do this anymore. I can let him know i love him but thats it. I dont know what is going to happen. I suspect he will end up in jail and at this point maybe that is the best place for him! The program is letting his probation officer know he went awol....so my bet is they will violate him on his probation, which means if he comes back to our state hw will probably end up in jail.

    I have had a wonderful 6 weeks and am going to do my best not to let this ruin my last couple of days...although to be honest i am not sure how to do that. The next couple of days are mostly travel days, the really good stuff we have already done thank goodness.

    Anyway send me thoughts and i will be fully back on the board this weekend.

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL I'm glad you had such a satisfying trip and I'm sure you made a huge impact on those you came in contact with. The bonding experience you had with your easy child will stay with her forever. Please enjoy your travel days and put difficult child out of your mind for now. Once you get back you can deal with the fallout.

    I often told you that my difficult child and yours are very similar. My difficult child also became involved with a guy in her treatment program and he did try to get her to leave. He would have succeeded if one of the guards didn't run out and convince her to come back.

    I seems as though your difficult child enters these programs just to get off the street and have a roof over his head and food on his table, all paid for by you. He continues to do what he does and never really follows any of he programs. He fights the rules and tries to add conditions to him going. When he finds a way out he runs, this time he has someone to run with. Our difficult child's do not want to follow rules, they want to live their lives the way they want, including using whatever substance they want.

    I think it's time that you stop supporting him totally, yes including treatment. He doesn't want treatment. You are spinning your wheels and spending a great deal of money and he is taking advantage of your vulnerability when it comes to him being on the street. He may end up in jail. I had to face that also. Everytime our phone rings I wonder if it's her telling us she's been arrested, or worse. You will have to make peace with the fact that you have done everything humanly possible to lead him to water and he refuses to drink.

    I feel awful for you because I know how hard you have worked to search out programs and make arrangements and get him what he needs and he continues to do what he wants.

    It's time you start to live for TL instead of the hope that he will change. I'm not saying give up hope, but I am saying give back the responsibility of that change to him, if he chooses it great and if he doesn't it's his life.

    I'm sorry TL I know how much you wanted this program to work.

  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I echo Nancy and (((HUGS))).....it is time, I agree that he does not want help. He is just going to have to figure it out on his own...you truly have done ALL you can do.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    ((((hugs)))) I think you are right. Time to offer love but no more money.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm so glad you didn't have internet so more days of your vacation could not be cluttered with this news. I'm sorry for him and it sounds like the others have wise advice for you. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your vacation. You certainly deserve at least that!
  6. 92025

    92025 Member

    oh how frustrating! yep, i think you're on the right track slamming the wallet shut. at least until he proves he's ready
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    TL, sad news....i hope you can manage to compartmentalize as best you can until you get home.

    Makes sense about stopping the money....he maybe more receptive later.

    Sending you tons of peaceful thoughts...
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks all. I do think when he went to this progrqm he really wanted help at least for the mental health issues. I think he got enough help to start feeling better, met this girl, started using again and figured he was all set. This is his patterm. My husband and i have talked and we would help him pay for continued tx with this program and with this therapist. I do think they made some real progress...but he will need to do whatever he needs to do to continue tx there and i have no idea if that is even an option. We will not pay for any new treatment for him...this is the best plqce we have found and lord knows i have looked and talked to many places.

    I did actually sleep last night...qnd the next couple of days are really spent getting home so my distraction by this is not so bad. I am thankful this did not happen a month ago!