I wish...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jan 14, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I had never found that stupid list.

    Or husband hadn't gotten pulled over.

    Or wee hadn't been singing loudly to annoy him.

    So I could go on being blindly content that at least he washed a dish out here and there, and at least he did make easy child do something about her clothes, even if I did have to rag him 4 times...

    The dog got out of its kennel at 3am, he brought it in the house, frustrated with it, and smacked it.

    And I guess he spanked her tonight for lying again, and now I'm scared to death that cps will be calling.

    Yeah...anxiety hoovers.
     
  2. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Sending good juju your way. Sounds like you could use it, all of you even. :(
     
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry Shari.

    Anxiety hoovers.

    Your dog gets out of her kennel too? My puppy does too. I swear she is Houdini. Course, this kennel isnt really sturdy. We keep trying to plug the holes she makes in it. She does come right up to the door though...lol. Sometimes she will get out of the kennel, sit by it and then push her way back into the kennel...lmao.
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sweetie, that list was about you....all about you & what you decided was acceptable in your life.

    husband is making the choices he is making. You asked that he do more to help in the house & with his children....nothing more or nothing less. Has husband ever attended a parenting class?

    I was thinking about easy child hiding her clothes....might she be incredibly embarrassed? Have you considered buying the disposable pull ups (don't remember the name for older kids)...they go up to 150 lbs or more.

    Has she been taught how to do laundry....I mean has someone worked with her through an entire wash day. From whites to darks & everything in between.

    I'm off track here.....husband is making his own choices. You cannot control how husband is doing things. Sometimes life just bites.
     
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yup, the dog gets out. lol She's 2 years old, in a well built kennel with a concrete floor and has suddenly figured out how to escape. lol She's met us at the door every day for 2 weeks. The only thing I can think is she's climbing it. Gonna have to hidden camera her cause she's smart about it, too. lol We're tried to hide and watch, but she knows we're still there. lol

    Linda, you are entirely right, the list is about me, I can't and won't argue that. I just wish I didn't find it and have attention called to the fact that I'm doing what I said I wouldn't...But husband...he used to be so involved. He used to be the guy that fit the list. He was never great about being the disciplinarian with his daughter, but he at least did some form of parenting. Normally, he does very well with wee. I think he is a bit edgier with wee lately, but even so, I don't think he's dangerously over the top with wee. He was never a real housekeeper, but he didn't leave piles of socks on the floor and milk to curdle on the bookshelf, and would jump up to pitch in if I was doing something...laundry, dishes, whatever... He was never one to take the fam to a movie, but he'd go with when we went skating, or horseback riding, or to the amusement park. Now...pulling teeth is easier. I wish I knew what changed.

    And I partly do blame the tv...things improved when it was broken last fall. He seems unable to pull himself away from the tv.

    Speaking of which, some folks at work wanted to build a float for a Christmas parade and I offered my barn to do so. A few Saturday mornings, they were out there building away, and if I was not otherwise committed, obviously, I joined in. We had a short meeting a week or so ago to discuss how it went and if we would do it again. Afterwards, a friend who was with us when we got married commented on husband's lack of involvement. She asked what was up with that, the guy I married would have been right out there, cutting up and having fun... he kept "coming out after this show" and "coming out after the next show" and that's the way pretty much every morning goes at our house...here's the plan for the day, he flips on the tv while he eats breakfast, and he is committed til whatever he flipped on is over - usually a 2 hour western. But my friend knows none of this is going on...

    easy child knows how to do laundry. I know she's embarrassed, God love her. I so want to get her in to a doctor about this, but I know the he!! I will pay from her mother for doing so...even if husband takes her instead of me. When she was younger, her mom just went off on her if she wet her pants (back at an age that it wasn't so...concerning - you know, like 5 and 6. And she outgrew it.) So I don't think talking to mom is a positive option. And last I knew, her mom didn't do her laundry; 68 year old grandma with an impaired sense of smell does it, so the "problem" doesn't exist for her. So I'm still pondering how to handle it. I think I may recruit the school counselor.

    In the meantime, tho, I made sure to point out that I am not angry at her for wetting her pants, only for not dealing with it. Wet pants are wet pants - rinse them in the sink before you stash them. We almost always have wet towels on the bathroom floor by the hamper that someone has missed, warp them in a towel and toss them in the wet towel pile...there are plenty of options that allow her to rinse them out and deal with them without leaving them as they are. Even this past weekend, she changed in the bathroom and carried her clothes to her bag...rinse them out before rolling them up. Not a big deal.

    I think daddy getting onto her did make an impact, tho. We'll see. I just hope she doesn't go to school and tell the world he spanked her and we get another call from CPS. If we do, we do. Maybe they'll get involved and help.
     
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Shari,

    You know it occurs to me that if bioMOm was peeing HER pants she wouldn't want anyone to make a big deal about it - she would take herself to the doctor and get the problem taken care of. WHY should this be different for a child? WHAT is the big deal? The kid pees her pants. It could be kidney problems. It could be urethrea problems. It could be a bladder infection. I mean has anyone (besides YOU) considered that the girl could be peeing razor blades and in pain? GAWD, why does anyone cow-tow to this woman.

    I swear this would be the last straw with one broom. And if I found out that she "went off" on the kid for having the problem I'd crawl up her rump like a suppository.

    In the mean time? Get the kid some TENA adult pad liners like they have for adult wetting problems so that she doesn't look like she's wearing a diaper but if she urinates herself - she can throw THOSE away - and show her how to use them - and tell her NO more hiding. Then go deal with the Mom.

    I'm sorry luv - this is one that I wouldn't mince with anyone - this could be a very sick child - kidneys are nothing to play around with. Ask Daisylover.
    As far as DF? Well....Timer nailed it better than I could say

    And as far as the dog? If she's in a pen and still getting out? Shorten her chain so she can't hang herself and chain her in her pen for a few days. I have other ideas....but not as quickly learned.

    SENDING YOU HUGE HUGS.
    Star
     
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm not worried about the dog, but thanks for the suggestion. I'll pass it on. That would probably work.

    As for easy child, I know I have to get her checked out somehow. She goes to a counselor (I transport and fund...I don't care...she needs it). The counselor knows and I think i'm going to ask her to "make a referal". That way its the counslor's thing, not mine, and since I'm the one dealing with the counslor (at mom's bequest), then I would be a likely one to take her to the doctor for this.

    And as I'm thinking about this...perhaps its even worth asking easy child if she wants mom to know, perhaps with the counselors help...highly likely she will not. We can go to a doctor and I can pay a one-time visit out of pocket...if there's a problem, then we can go to mom with the findings...if there's not, mom never has to know unless easy child wants to tell her and then I still have the "just following counselor's direction" to cover my hiney. I hate hate HATE operating like that, but I'm not sure how else to handle it, particularly if easy child doesn't want mom to know. Ya know? I do NOT want to encourage hiding things. NO NO NO. But in this case can see the need to. GAWD I hate this position. Cause its not that I don't care about easy child 2.

    The problem with this woman is that she can be a witch of epic proportions. Her older daughter moved in with her father (one broom's ex husband) in Feb or so of 2001, and he continued to pay the woman child support until September of 2009, when the girl was 19, and he STILL asked permission to stop before he filed with the court to stop, even tho the decree said he only had to pay til she was 18. And he is not a wuss, but the woman is that vicious and vindictive. Other than the girl's cell phone, he has footed the entire bill alone. And when he stopped paying support, one broom cancelled the cell phone. (PS that daughter only goes "home" for holidays...and again, lives in the same town...if you recall, she camps with us, etc...easy child 2 sees her sister more with us than with her mom...sad, really) ExMIL was her counslor in high school and she understands perfectly well the need to tread lightly.

    Her own parents cower to her, and they are the ones that I am afraid of. They have money. A lot of it. She has already succeeded in keeping easy child from husband for nearly a year without a reason...God only knows what she'd do if we gave her one (in her mind...)
     
Loading...