I won't give up

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by New Leaf, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    To my beautiful gifts from God

    You were sent to me
    a blessing
    from above
    to teach me
    how infinitely
    I could
    I held you tenderly
    to my breast
    and felt our hearts
    beat as one.
    You filled me up
    in every way
    and I am thankful
    to this day
    for the gift of you.

    Through the struggles
    these past years
    I have shed many
    been tangled up
    with my worst fears
    of what you had become.

    Lost in time
    lost in ways
    seems as if
    in a daze.
    Tried and tried
    to reach out.
    Weary eyed
    bleary eyed
    all cried out.

    Looking back..,,
    all my
    in vain
    to get my daughters
    home again
    did not help them
    did not help me

    on bended knee
    I made a humble
    anguished plea
    "Dear God
    please help me see
    what all of this

    Softly, he whispered
    with the winds
    and trees
    You did the best
    with all your heart
    made mistakes
    it's true
    you did the best job
    you could do
    hold your head up
    look up
    look up

    I only loaned them
    for awhile.

    Now you must
    give them
    back to me
    give them their wings
    and set them free
    for in your heart of hearts you know
    that they must on their own path go
    stumble, fall, learn and see
    their own endless possibilities

    Letting go
    does not mean
    giving up

    you are
    giving in
    to what must be
    giving them
    back to me

    as our children
    walk their path
    they will learn....

    "'Cause even the stars they burn
    Some even fall to the earth
    We've got a lot to learn
    God knows we're worth it
    No, I won't give up

    I won't give up on us
    Even if the skies get rough
    I'm giving you all my love
    I'm still looking up

    And when you're needing your space
    To do some navigating
    I'll be here patiently waiting
    To see what you find"

    I'll continue on to pray
    that my girls find a brighter day
    I will look up to say
    Thank you Lord
    for all you have given me
    With deep faith I set them free
    for they are yours
    and as they go their way
    look after my girls

    And I will learn to live
    to breath
    to find my
    endless possibilities
    and find my own
    peace within
    I will look up
    I will look up
    I won't give up.
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  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    In the deep unfathomable pain
    of letting go
    this loving detachment
    I have felt at times
    is a giving up.

    In giving in to a higher power
    not giving in
    to addictions whims
    I have learned
    they must find themselves
    as I must find myself

    It is not easy,
    but hard
    is a lesson,
    change is
    a lesson.

    In giving in to a higher power
    I have accepted
    what is.
    On the road
    to self discovery
    we go our separate ways.

    One day there is a chance
    by providence
    or happenstance
    we may
    come together again
    or not.

    In this I know,
    taking them in
    has not let them grow,
    to see the choices
    that they make
    the chances that they take
    are all their own.

    I have not given up
    on them
    I have not given up
    on me

    I have set us all
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  3. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    That was beautiful!
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Beautiful words and feelings. Did you write the poems? I am familiar with the song and love it's message. So hard to look up sometimes...
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  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you ksm and daze. Yes I did write the poems, it is a part of me that just kind of comes out.....
    In my struggle to find peace in the difficulty of dealing with all of this, there are times when there is an emptiness.
    I have my faith, work and activities.
    Yet there are moments when the joy mixed with the pain of memories come flooding in, there is a despair in not knowing how the ones I love are faring, the uncertainty, the searching for answers. Sometimes there are no answers, just the real, raw, undeniable truth of it all.
    This is when my faith and resolve are put to the test.
    So, I have to remind myself to look up. To keep my head up and keep on going.
    I have to remind myself that no matter what I have done, or what I do, the reality, is that each of my children have to take responsibility for their decisions and choices and live their lives.
    I have to remember that I need to take time for me, to yes,
    break down under the weight of it all and then to look up,
    to rebuild.
    We here, are all faced with the impossible.
    The struggle.
    Each and every one of us has a situation that is unique.
    There are times, when it is so frustrating.
    I am so very thankful to have this place to come to and see the strength in the souls that are here.
    As I walk through this journey, I am thankful to have faith in a higher power.
    So when it seems there is no end to the sadness,
    I can look up.
    It is hard, at times.
    In the end all,
    it is up to me to build my future, to live my life.
    I have no control over what my d cs choose.
    I have to learn how to fill the emptiness of it all.
    To stop feeling as my d cs would have me feel, that I gave up.
    The line in the song-
    I've got to learn what I've got, what I'm not, and who I am
    is so simple, but rings true for me.
    I've got to learn what I've got, what I'm not, and who I am.
    To pick myself up by the bootstraps and see what this is for what it is-
    another passage in life in all of its complexities.
    In the end of it all, when I am able to look back in retrospect,
    how I responded and traveled my path, my faith is the thing I've got.
    What I am not, is-
    I am not in control over how others act,
    including my d cs.
    Who I am? I am still finding that out.

    The song is very beautiful, isn't it? There is such hope in it. It reminds me, in the throes of it all
    that my d cs in all of the craziness, are searching for who they are. If I keep picking up the pieces for them, how will they learn to rely on themselves? How will they learn what they've got, who they are not, and who they are? How will they learn "how to bend, without the world, caving in?"

    I am very grateful to be able to come to CD and share, and see the light and incredible strength and grace of folks who are here.

    How do we all do it? One day at a time, one step at a time.
    Good day to you folks, in the difficulties of your lives, I hope that you find peace within, and time to look up.
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  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    To my dearest beloved eldest daughter,

    You came to me
    the other day
    disheveled and broken
    hurt and ashamed
    still looking
    for someone to blame.

    I hugged you long
    and hard
    and felt your
    sorrowed soul
    with my heart.

    Brought you in
    to clean up
    and breathe.

    I took
    a deep breath
    back tears
    and asked
    if you had
    had enough,
    said your road
    does not have
    to be so rough.

    You could
    not even
    my eyes
    then walked
    cloud filled skies.

    How I
    would love
    take you in
    try to fix

    Daughter so lost,
    I cannot win.

    You need
    the need for help.

    Lord please hear me now
    soothe my soul
    and furrowed brow

    Take her in
    your loving arms
    please Lord
    keep her from harm

    Help her through
    meths blindness see
    How much she truly
    means to me
    means to

    Hardest thing
    to let her go
    from her path
    she needs to grow.

    Calm my spirit
    my heart
    to know
    that this

    I pray thee Lord above.

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  7. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    New Leaf
    Your words are makana makamae o ke aloha ~ for your daughter(s) and for all of us.
    Very beautiful ~ Mahalo
  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Mahalo Kalahou,
    In between the rays of sunshine, rains fall, the wind blows, trees bend.
    Without darkness, would we view the stars?
    Would we know pure joy, with absence of sorrow?
    For each tearful sigh
    We are blessed
    with many more moments
    of breath taking beauty.
    Ka la Hou, the new day
    and a promised tomorrow.

  9. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    Love it Leafy, ... very special.
    I printed and posted it ever before me.
    You are surely a haku mele. Amazng stuff here.
    I appreciate your interest, support, and wise insight.
    Aloha ka kou.
  10. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Leafy, All I can say is Wow and Thank You!
  11. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you Kalahou and Hopeful. Your words are very kind.
    You make my heart smile with them.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Leafy you are amazing! Great advice AND you write poems?? OMG:onesmiley1: