"I wouldn't know what to do in a bar..."

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Dec 28, 2008.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    my difficult child-dad told my mom a few days ago. "I'd probably end up punching someone and getting into trouble."

    ???? What does THAT mean? :surprise:

    I don't know how they got on the subject of bars anyway, since my dad probably hasn't been in one in 40 years. But that was his assessment of how he'd behave in such a situation.

    My dad was diagnosis'd agoraphobic by a psychologist 30-ish years ago. We know he's always had issues with hoarding, paranoia, and depression. He's the type of guy who (admittedly) fantasizes about slashing your tires or keying your paint job if you park too close to his car or slight him in some perceived way. Who knows, he may have actually done this before.

    My mom and I are just a little mystified at his statement about being in a bar, though. As if punching someone is ever a socially acceptable form of behavior... :ashamed:
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Ok- I'm a little different (ok- a LOT) different) from most people - but I interpret this as a good sign- I thought he was trying to say that if he went to a bar, he'd do something he shouldn't and end up in trouble. Kind of like a person that has had a drug problem before- if they said "if I do XXX, then ZZZ will probably happen, so I won't do XXX".

    Maybe I missed something- but if he isn't going to a bar- I wouldn't worry about it. :)
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    It's just that it was such an out-of-the-blue-bizarre comment. He'd never go to a bar in the first place.

    I suppose it is a statement of his awareness of his severe anxiety and that it would likely cause him to behave badly. It's kind of surprising, if this is indeed a moment of self-reflection, because he's never let on that he realizes what a crazy person he really is.
  4. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Perhaps he saw it in a movie or something? Missy makes off the wall comments and then later on, after thinking about it for a while, I make the connection to a tv show or a movie that she watched.
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Maybe he is angry? He is visualizing where he might kick someone's butt!
    Some days I think, "If someone says the wrong thing to me..." That kind of thinking... maybe he is taking it a step further.
    Or maybe he is just talking out of his, you know what? And saw it on a movie.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Talking out of is (fill-in-the-blank) seems more likely ;) . He seems to have a hard time separating reality from his imagination, especially when it comes to dealing with other people. He imagines what they're thinking about him, he imagines their reasons for doing things -- it's always something negative and to his own detriment and you cannot convince him otherwise.

    After my mom shared this with me, and the more I think about it, I see this as another shining example of my dad's life-long instability, which seems to be magnified the older and sicker he gets.
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Saw my dad last night. He got on a three-hour jag explaining to me how he ended up with his current health problems. It's ALL the fault of his last doctor!

    Hmmm, lesseee... your 150 pounds of excess weight are his fault. Your lung injury when you were 9 is his fault. The congestive heart failure due to the lung injury was his fault. The ensuing edema that he was treating you for was his fault. Your disqualification for a lung transplant because of your history of bladder cancer is his fault. Your choice to smoke for 40 years, and thus put yourself at risk for bladder cancer are his fault. The fact that he got your diuretics wrong and screwed up your metabolites which landed you in the hospital last month -- okay, maybe that is his fault, but didn't you choose to just sit on things for WEEKS instead of calling him the second something felt off? Hmmmm....

    Oh, and the various uro-oncologists who missed your bladder cancer for supposedly 8 years (nevermind that you are combative with every doctor you ever meet and won't cooperate with the simplest of tests they try to order to aid in their diagnostic process) -- now you tell me that if you were terminal because of how long it took to diagnose, you were prepared to put a bullet into each and every one of those people! That you wouldn't hesitate for one second.

    My father is a sick, sick man. His fearfulness and sense of powerlessness are making him scarier than ever as time goes on.

    I told my mom to be sure all his guns and any ammo are way, way out of sight and reach. (He can barely walk, so it shouldn't be too hard to make them inaccessible).

    He got irritated with me and raised his voice when I dared question his motives for secretly tape recording all of his doctor appointments. It's to prove that he's right about things. To whom? To anyone who questions his memory.

    It's him against the rest of the world, I guess. How sad.