I wrote a letter

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jun 20, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This was in response to how Goneboy wife called the nursing station after I had my accident and spoke in detail about my condition to the nurses.

    Before you think "how nice that she was concerned" she wasnt. My ex asked her to call and find out what was going on. HE was concerned, not her, but she is a surgical nurse and somehow got the nurses to talk to her. My ex told me she did it because HE wanted to know. Because she is a nurse he begged her to call.

    My other kids who were there figured out who the nurses were talking to and told husband who told them that Devil Wife and Goneboy were not to be given information about me so that ended it. I never so much as got a card from them after that. This wife had encouraged Goneboy to be rid of me and he had complied. By the way wasn't giving Devil Wife information about me against HIPPA?

    Asking ex later on if either one ever asked how I was doing after the accident, he said no. I asked him to please not involve them if anything else happened to me again. He agreed. He has tried to get these two to stop the estrangement against me and his other kids, but he refuses to discuss it as does his wife. They barely see ex too.

    Anyway after we took Goneboy out of the will I wrote a short letter something like this.

    Goneboy (no dear)

    It has been over ten years. You asked to be free and you are. That means you will be barred from information about me if something happens and your dad asks your wife to call the hospital. That means you can't visit the hospital either. That means if you get a pang of guilt or regret later, it is too late. I have been hurt too much for too long and will not risk my heart again.
    I am grateful to those I love who love me and makey life the best.
    Good bye.

    (No signature)

    It was a hard decision to send this. I am sharing only because all of us understand hard decisions, not for feedback. To me their abuse was extreme. Not allowing me to know my grandchildren at all is not a forgivable act. And it could never turn into a relationship of any trust. I'd be walking on eggshells and I won't.

    They were not coming back anyway but a small part of me feared they would. Yes, the idea scared me and the other kids all swore they would never speak to him. It would have been ugly. My kids are protective of me, particularly Bart and Jumper. My husband is too.

    I am relieved I sent it. I sent it for myself. Yes...I also included a sentence about the will. The entire torture of the Goneboy estrangement will never be told here as it would take a novel to write. But now I can type the last page of the novel.


    It's finally over and I had a bit of power finally. I was the one who closed the ten year long open door. It is now double locked from abuse

    Ok. Just sharing. I have no regrets.
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2016
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    SWOT, not offering feedback just very glad you have peace. Peace is so valuable. So essential. I think we have to find peace at some point with these intractable situations. You did, and I am glad for you. Hugs.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member


    I decided to wait for ten years. I did.

    I truly doubt he cares, but at least I laid down my own boundaries. I don't like this kind of business hanging over my head.

    I know this sounds harsh to those who never experienced this and many think "I'd NEVER shut that door"/or,worse,b"i never would have allowed the estrangement.but would have camped on the doorstep."

    You don't know what you'd do unless it happened to you and ten years passed,but I didn't think I could ever do this either. Ever. Also, you can not force anyone to come back. Many moms who tried ended up with harassment charges, jail and restraining orders. Even stalking charges.

    I hope nobody else has to face this. It happens to parents of all walks of life with adult children of all ages. We are no longer family oriented and this has become a worldwide epidemic. Sad.
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    After what we've been through with our son I would NEVER say NEVER!!

    I went to bed last night not knowing where my son was sleeping and he's 1500 miles away. Wow. That is so out of character for me. I asked my husband if we were doing the right thing and he said "we have given him everything - it's up to him now".

    It really has made me/us open our eyes to what people deal with within their own homes/families.

    I also don't judge. We never know the whole story. And as many have said if we weren't loving and looking for answers (anything!!) and didn't truly care, we would not be on this forum. Period!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks RN. The story is ugly and I tried very hard to find out what I did so I could grovel, if that would bring him back.

    I don't ever want to worry about him and his possibly showing up during hard times. That would only cause strife and conflict with the others.

    Look, I know that when he didn't visit when I had that car accident, it was over. But I wanted to make it official. I don't know him anymore and don't want him hanging around to see if my dad leaves me money for him in his will. Just an ugly truth that happens often. All of a sudden absent family comes around to collect.

    That reminds me of the time about three years ago or so when my father was ill and I left him a message to please call my dad, not to take his anger at me out on my father. My father would have loved that, but if course he didn't call him.

    He willingly hurt so many people who loved him. He can't anymore.