I'd appreciate your opinions of something a psychiatrist did - is this normal?

[Weary for Hope]

My son and I had another rough evening. husband is gone Monday nights, so we are starting a new routine of baking Christmas cookies together or going on a date on Mondays. But tonight he went into a tremendous rage and it was scary for a little while. I even locked him out of the house because I couldn't handle him, but he got in thru the garage - - it was freaky. (as well, he broke a small window on our front door)

Anyhow - we are feeling stuck. difficult child finally saw a psychiatrist for the first time. We were to come back in 3 weeks, once he was able to figure out our son's diagnosis. (he held off on a prescription) We have been trying to book a subsequent appointment 3x, but each time, difficult child has utterly refused to go (I wasn't around - my husband tried to bring him in, but it just didn't work.) The office has a service that will pick up the child - and so we were going to try that (otherwise there is a cost for a phone consultation - anyone ever do those?)

When difficult child met the Dr, the Dr had him draw a picture and then the Dr. proceeded to destroy our son's picture right in front of him. My husband talked to his therapist about that (so glad my husband is finally seeing someone - this journey has torn our guts out) and the therapist said he thought that was a stupid thing for the psychiatrist to do and that we should side with our son and find a new psychiatrist. (It took me a lot of work to find this guy)

What do you guys think? Our son has been seeing the psychotherapist that works for the psychiatrist and likes and trusts her. If we look for a new psychiatrist, that may mean that we may not be able to keep the therapist, because they work together, right? At first I thought my son was freaked out because he knew he would have to start taking medication. I don't want to have to start over with-a new therapist. We were seeing a counselor close to home, but difficult child absolutely refused to see him after a while, and we liked him a lot.

Would you look for a new psychiatrist? Our son said the other guy creeped him out (but he only saw him 1 time for 15 minutes!) This journey to get evaluations by the school and a diagnosis has taken so very long and we keep having set backs.

Thanks,

 

[Weary for Hope]

Also, once you get medications, how on EARTH do you get your kid to take them? I got an emergency supply of a medication this summer in emergency while out of town on a trip - -and that has NOTworked AT ALL. I'm sure there must be a lot of posts about this.

 

[TeDo]

I don't blame him for not wanting to go back. I would talk to the psychotherapist about the visit with the psychiatrist and THEN tell them you are going to look for a different psychiatrist but hope that difficult child can continue to see them for therapy. If the therapist won't do that, then I guess you might have to give that up but I can't see that happening.

Having a psychiatrist do something so drastic on a first visit to damage a person's self-esteem is NOT a good practice and I would seriously question their methods. Finding a different, and hopefully better, psychiatrist is better than no psychiatrist at all. You NEED to have difficult child properly diagnosed. Kudos to the doctor for not prescribing medications. Since there is no diagnosis then how would they know what kind of medications to try.

Sorry you had a rough night. Do you have any idea what triggered it? If you go back before the first hint of trouble can you figure out what might have started the downhill spiral tonight?

 

[Weary for Hope]

Thank you for caring enough to reply! I appreciate your words.

Oh, I know what started the spiral. Well, he did wake up in a very bad mood today, so I was a little worried about tonight, being alone with him.

He demanded that I go and buy him a Santa hat and coat. He said it was for a play they were doing at school. I asked him what class and he wouldn't tell me. FINALLY, he said that he had promised his 2 friends (he has a hard time making friends and this is good that he has a couple at his new middle school) that he would wear Santa apparel with them at school tomorrow (the 2 boys were wearing them today). So I was considering taking him (though not with him speaking rudely to me), but told him very clearly that it would have to be cheap - $5-10 at the MOST. He argued for at least $15-20 be spent (he is ALWAYS trying to get something from us). I would NOT budge not the $ thing. And that's what triggered it (but like I said, he was in a funk this morning). There is other stuff that happened, but something I did really annoyed him and he yelled, "SHUT YOUR TRAP!" at me. Needless to say, we didn't end up going to buy the Santa Hat.

Yes, I was so glad that the doctor didn't give a quick diagnosis or prescription on the first meeting - - - as I'm a bit scared about this whole medication thing (BUT BEYOND READY FOR IT!)

 

[InsaneCdn]

Generally the right order is...
- right psychiatrist
- right relationship with difficult child and with parents
- right diagnosis
- THEN right medications...

The first two definitely are not there yet...

 

[TeDo]

Boy, that sounds like my difficult child 1. Once he has an idea in his head it ain't goin nowhere. LOL difficult child 1 will also go to extremes when he's "promised" a friend something, which he does a LOT because that is the way he thinks friendships are supposed to be. I just don't get their thinking so I do sympathize. Are you sure your little guy is not on the spectrum? What you've shared so far sounds oh so familiar. Eerily so. And certain medications will make things worse. As for the eating thing, difficult child 1 is finally on a medication that DOESN'T decrease appetite. He's 13 and just hit 75 lbs!! Yipee!!!

Hugs still going out to you. I can totally understand what you're going through (been there done that BEFORE the appropriate diagnosis & I changed how I approach things with him).

 

[Weary for Hope]

Well, we are working on it, but it's tough. (by the way, we lived in Canada for years)
We've been struggling with him for many, many years. If we were anxious to get medications, we would have done it years ago (and probably should have).

How would you suggest making a good relationship?

 

[Steely]

What medications has the psychiatrist prescribed for him?

 

[Weary for Hope]

At his 2nd apt, he was going to get an rx & medications, but he freaked out & wouldnt go to the apt.

 

[BusynMember]

Ack! Hey, there are at least as many bad psychiatrists as good ones and I actually think NeuroPsychs are far better diagnosticians gecause they do 6-10 hours of testing. I've seen endless psychiatrists myself, since I have a mental illness, and I swear most of them just take a guess and guess on the medications too. Neuropsychs in my opinion are far more careful about diagnosing and take more care and time. THIS psychiatrist would be gone, if he treated MY kid. Tearing up his picture? What kind of therapy is THAT? Jeeeeeeeeez. And even seeing your kid twice, unless he does testing, how can he accurately diagnose him unless he tests him rather intensively? Guess my experiences have made me cynical, not to mention a wrong diagnosis for my son. Unfortunately, you do have to be very careful. Tell the therapist what you told us. Hopefully you can still keep the therapist if you switch to somebody else. And don't assume your kiddo will need medications...be careful and research the medication before he is put on it. I wish I had done the same for my kiddo.

I wish you luck and please keep us posted.

 

[JJJ]

If he is out of control to the point that you fear for your safety, please call 911 and ask for a medical trasport for a psychiatric emergency for an 11 year old.

 

[doubletrouble]

in my opinion, nothing could be more important than getting his diagnosis and medications correct. Even if you have to start over one more time. My difficult child 1 is incredibly strong willed and also has quick temper outbursts when not getting his way immediately-- sounds a bit like your son-- and a small dose of Vyvance has made a huge difference in his behavior.

 

[DDD]

Do you have any idea what he drew? Is it possible that it was a violent picture? or a sexual picture? If not that it could have protrayed himself in a vulnerable place and the psychiatrist might have said either this is not appropriate or perhaps something like "we will work together to find better feelings and throwing this away is the first step to optimism?" After years of living with difficult child's I always knew that I was not getting the full story.

I'm a big fan of neuro/psychiatric exams. Is there a way to schedule one for your own peace of mind? Hugs. DDD

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

WFH: I can SO relate to most of what you posted, especially your screen name. Your son sounds a lot like our Tommy, who's ten. The only way I used to be able to deal with him was to lock myself in a room and not give him any attention until he calmed down. I'm not sure that that's what you're "supposed" to do but in my humble opinion, "supposed" went out the window a long time ago...like six years. I can really relate to your feelings of relief with your husband having a therapist also. I WISH my husband would see a therapist and I wish he would take something for anxiety. I always worry he's gonna have a heart attack from all this constant stress. I love my son soo much but he has put such a burden on our marriage. I felt exactly as you do about medications (I'm still not positive about what he's taking but I KNOW he needs something). I think we are all afraid but without medications and even with them at times, Tommy is almost impossible to control. My husband goes to NY once a month for three or four days (he's away right now) and I am a lot more apprehensive than I usually am. Most of the times Tommy wound up hospitalized (another thing I thought I could NEVER do) was when I was alone with him.

I don't know what to say about the psychiatrist...did he say why he did that? One thing I have learned though is if something bothers you, there's usually a reason for it. I'd go with my gut. I really sympathize with all the roadblocks...Tommy has yet to be with the right therapist but I know we'll find one. I remember being ELATED when we found a Christian therapist for him near our house who actually took our insurance...what a great feeling. But...weeks later I realized that he was not interested in helping Tommy learn how to work out his anger; he kept talking about the fact that if his parent's couldn't control him, he would have to go to a home!! I was soo disappointed. The next therapist took twenty minutes to express a thought, so that didn't work...it really is a very frustrating process but I feel it's almost better to be with no therapist for a period of time than the wrong one. Anyway, sorry this was so long. I have been and still am to a large degree where you are. You are not alone. I have decided that the people on this forum need to be my best friends...they let me know it's not ME or anything I've done to cause all this and give me great comfort. HUGS.

 

[STRESSEDTOMAX]

Just wanted to add that what triggers Tommy's meltdowns most often is not getting what he wants or as in your example "exactly" what he wants. Also refused to go to an appointment we needed to be at. I agree with JJJ...if you HAVE to, call 911. Believe me, I know how absurd that sounds on an 11 year old but you may be in danger. I actually got hurt when something Tommy threw at the door, hit me in the head. In my state, though, they now tell me they can't transport him. And I def can't...

 

[TerryJ2]

What did he draw?

I agree with-the others, to go with-your gut. Also, we often stop by McDonald's or get some kind of reward after appts, so difficult child has something to look forward to.

 

[Malika]

It's hard to imagine any valid reason for destroying a picture in that way - even if it were violent or sexual. But I suppose one would have had to have been there and seen the thing with one's own eyes really to comment. It is so hard when one is obviously longing for some kind of help, some kind of breakthrough. Unfortunately getting the right therapist is not automatic. It also depends on your son and the connection he makes or doesn't make. A problem I see in myself is overcoming the longing for some kind of magic solution... doesn't necessarily have to be quick, but magic, yes
I hope you find what you need before too long.
.

 

[DammitJanet]

I dont know that you absolutely have to use the same therapist and psychiatrist in the same practices. I didnt. My psychiatrist is in one city and my therapist was in another actually.

I dont understand the tearing up the picture to be honest. That confuses me. Was it part of some sort of testing? Have they done any testing on him at all? I would want testing of some sort.

As far as getting the medications into him, at 11 he is old enough to swallow pills. He needs to understand he needs to take whatever medication the doctor prescribes and if he doesnt take them his world stops until he does. You can teach him to take them by swallowing tic tac's or mini m&m's. Shouldnt take more than a day or two.

 

[CrazyinVA]

I think I'd ask the psychiatrist why she tore up the picture, what was she hoping to learn from difficult child's reaction to that? I'm a "why" sort of person, though. That being said, if you're not comfortable, I agree that you should trust your gut. A psychiatrist won't do your son much good if he trust trust them.

You definitely don't have to have a therapist and a psychiatrist in the same practice. It can be helpful for them to have an existing working relationship, but as long as releases are signed and they're wiling to work together, you should be fine.