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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 626041" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Echo, I struggle with this as well and would struggle even more if 36 lived under a bridge. I am appalled that my only biological child, a child I am a part of genetically, can be such a conniving, remorseless, threatening even dangerous young man. HE WAS NOT RAISED THAT WAY. My kids were taught kindness, helping others is a good thing, we cared for sick and homeless animals, violence was reviled. They went to Sunday School and Church. They all turned out non-violent and caring except for him. Right now, for example, he has a new squeeze (God help her and I mean that). He likes her because first of all she makes a lot of money and gives it to him and secondly because she is thin and his ex will be very jealous of her nice body. He said, "If I'm honest, those are the two biggest things." She is crazy about him and wants to move in, which I hope never happens. Trust me, when he talks like that, I wince inside. There are hints that he may have been inappropriate with Julie, but she is unwilling to talk too much about it with me just saying she is over it now and never wants to see him again. There are definites that he broke the law but never got caught. He uses people and the only people I believe he loves at all, and this is only up to his challenged ability to love, are me and his son. This does not mean I can expect him to even call me for mother's day, let alone expect a card and, yes, he does have enough money to send one.</p><p></p><p>DO YOU THINK THIS DOESN'T MAKE ME SICK???? I feel what you feel. Disgust.</p><p></p><p>Now in my case, difficult child has been mean all of his life. I mean we are going back to toddlerhood. Once in a very great while I'd see a bit of sweetness in him, but that was the minority even as a toddler. As he grew, it disappeared more and more. I was thinking "antisocial" when he was twelve. So by now I know who and what he is and I accept it. Accepting it, however, does NOT NOT NOT mean I like it. I just know that he is this way and I can't change it and it's pointless to talk to him about it because he won't listen so I don't. I focus on the more positive people in my life. I am deeply regretful that my son is this way, but it is what it is. He is this way. My disapproval won't change him one bit. He will just get more angry. He had therapy from the time he was eight and that didn't change him. He went to therapy on his own in his twenties and I think it helped his anxiety a little, but now he doesn't see anyone and expects me to be his therapist, which I can't and won't take on. He just gets abusive if he doesn't like what I say.</p><p></p><p>Accepting doesn't mean liking. Every time the mailman comes to the door, my dogs are going to bark. I don't like when they do that, but I know that they will. It is what it is. (IN the case of the dogs, I am pretty sure I can stop it with a spray bottle of water, but I've been lazy, I admit...lol). Don't you wish we could just spray out difficult children with a spray bottle of water and change their behavior? LOLOL.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes ya gotta laff!!!!!</p><p></p><p>Hugs and I'm sorry about your hurting mommy heart and I do get what you mean.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 626041, member: 1550"] Echo, I struggle with this as well and would struggle even more if 36 lived under a bridge. I am appalled that my only biological child, a child I am a part of genetically, can be such a conniving, remorseless, threatening even dangerous young man. HE WAS NOT RAISED THAT WAY. My kids were taught kindness, helping others is a good thing, we cared for sick and homeless animals, violence was reviled. They went to Sunday School and Church. They all turned out non-violent and caring except for him. Right now, for example, he has a new squeeze (God help her and I mean that). He likes her because first of all she makes a lot of money and gives it to him and secondly because she is thin and his ex will be very jealous of her nice body. He said, "If I'm honest, those are the two biggest things." She is crazy about him and wants to move in, which I hope never happens. Trust me, when he talks like that, I wince inside. There are hints that he may have been inappropriate with Julie, but she is unwilling to talk too much about it with me just saying she is over it now and never wants to see him again. There are definites that he broke the law but never got caught. He uses people and the only people I believe he loves at all, and this is only up to his challenged ability to love, are me and his son. This does not mean I can expect him to even call me for mother's day, let alone expect a card and, yes, he does have enough money to send one. DO YOU THINK THIS DOESN'T MAKE ME SICK???? I feel what you feel. Disgust. Now in my case, difficult child has been mean all of his life. I mean we are going back to toddlerhood. Once in a very great while I'd see a bit of sweetness in him, but that was the minority even as a toddler. As he grew, it disappeared more and more. I was thinking "antisocial" when he was twelve. So by now I know who and what he is and I accept it. Accepting it, however, does NOT NOT NOT mean I like it. I just know that he is this way and I can't change it and it's pointless to talk to him about it because he won't listen so I don't. I focus on the more positive people in my life. I am deeply regretful that my son is this way, but it is what it is. He is this way. My disapproval won't change him one bit. He will just get more angry. He had therapy from the time he was eight and that didn't change him. He went to therapy on his own in his twenties and I think it helped his anxiety a little, but now he doesn't see anyone and expects me to be his therapist, which I can't and won't take on. He just gets abusive if he doesn't like what I say. Accepting doesn't mean liking. Every time the mailman comes to the door, my dogs are going to bark. I don't like when they do that, but I know that they will. It is what it is. (IN the case of the dogs, I am pretty sure I can stop it with a spray bottle of water, but I've been lazy, I admit...lol). Don't you wish we could just spray out difficult children with a spray bottle of water and change their behavior? LOLOL. Sometimes ya gotta laff!!!!! Hugs and I'm sorry about your hurting mommy heart and I do get what you mean. [/QUOTE]
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