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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 626047" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>"I raised him better than this. If I don't set expectations for him, who will?"</p><p> </p><p>I guess my thought on this is, who sets expectations for any of us, other than ourselves? OK, my employer has expectations of me, but no one else sets them for me, except me. </p><p> </p><p>I learned a saying in Al-Anon years ago: "other people do not exist to live up to my expectations." It stuck with me. Parenting a difficult child means adjusting your expectations - and sometimes, letting go of them completely. Sometimes I go the opposite way - for instance I learned to expect Oldest to change jobs every 6 months or so. I stopped fretting when it happened, I squashed the "OMG here we go again" feelings. When she held a job for a year, I was pleasantly surprised. </p><p> </p><p>Of course we raised them better. But it's "raised," past tense. They're already raised, they're already grown. This is where acceptance happened for me - accepting that my part is done, that any choices my difficult children make now are not mine, no matter how badly I want them to do what I think is best. </p><p> </p><p>I think MWM hit the nail on the head: "accepting doesn't mean liking." I think too often people think that accepting something is condoning it - not at all. It's just stopping the fight against something that you can't control, and letting go of your expectations. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 626047, member: 1157"] "I raised him better than this. If I don't set expectations for him, who will?" I guess my thought on this is, who sets expectations for any of us, other than ourselves? OK, my employer has expectations of me, but no one else sets them for me, except me. I learned a saying in Al-Anon years ago: "other people do not exist to live up to my expectations." It stuck with me. Parenting a difficult child means adjusting your expectations - and sometimes, letting go of them completely. Sometimes I go the opposite way - for instance I learned to expect Oldest to change jobs every 6 months or so. I stopped fretting when it happened, I squashed the "OMG here we go again" feelings. When she held a job for a year, I was pleasantly surprised. Of course we raised them better. But it's "raised," past tense. They're already raised, they're already grown. This is where acceptance happened for me - accepting that my part is done, that any choices my difficult children make now are not mine, no matter how badly I want them to do what I think is best. I think MWM hit the nail on the head: "accepting doesn't mean liking." I think too often people think that accepting something is condoning it - not at all. It's just stopping the fight against something that you can't control, and letting go of your expectations. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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