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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626069" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The answer is a developing compassion ~ for your child, and for yourself. In the end, that will be the answer. You don't need to strive for it Echo ~ the pain you feel is the vehicle. </p><p></p><p>It helped me to understand that there is nothing I have to do.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing I can do.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is. I can choose to be kind. That's pretty much it.</p><p></p><p>A second answer is to recognize that you suffer, that you are suffering. It is a strangeness that every spiritual tradition teaches that suffering opens the spirit. (COM's thread on Highchair Tyrants is relevant here, Echo. The discussion revolves around suffering, and the growth that seems to attend it.) If that is true, and I am coming to believe that it is, then there is purpose to everything that is happening. There are times when I can just glimpse the multi-generational complexity of my own situation, times when, as that poem says, "the Earth turns, singing".</p><p></p><p>That matters. That there is purpose in it.</p><p></p><p>If you look back Echo, you will see that there seem to be levels of acceptance that we sort of fall through. Acceptance of ourselves, of our children, of our situations. You have fallen through many levels already. Suffering, the emotional charge of suffering, seems to be the harbinger of that falling through to the next layer of consciousness, or spirituality. That sounds so woo-woo. Maybe, I mean personal depth, that capacity for empathy, for compassion. </p><p></p><p>***************</p><p></p><p>I think we never do accept it, Echo. </p><p></p><p>But we choose to survive it. </p><p></p><p>I was either depressed or fixated on whatever latest cure I'd found for so long ~ for years, Echo. I continued to function, I had highs and lows, I thought I was doing alright, given my situation. But I wasn't, Echo. Changing any of it was the result of that decision I made, that conscious choice, cold and certain, to survive.</p><p></p><p>When I feel badly, I work very hard to figure out what the heck it is, this time. I try to hear it, feel it, and put a space around it through meditation. I understand the concept of letting the story I tell myself about what has happened, about what is happening, overtake me. I am vigilant about that. When I recognize hatred or judgment or rage (and believe me, I do), I devote full attention to the feeling. (I have no choice. I sound like I'm patting myself on the back here. No. I get so powerless over every single thing I cannot do other than to pay attention. It is like what you are going through, now.) Either the overwhelming pain of it will dissolve (and it is generally into a deeper acceptance, a kind of compassion for everyone involved) or I fall into something I can only describe as forgiveness.</p><p></p><p>And when that happens, everything changes. </p><p></p><p>There is a sort of resolution, a feeling of breath and open.</p><p></p><p>And then I understand that is why the emotion, that particular thought or energy pattern, existed in the first place.</p><p></p><p>Which is that concept of purpose, the spiritual purpose of suffering that I was telling you about earlier. </p><p></p><p>That is what I mean when I say I had decided, coldly and clearly, to survive. That is my intention. It was like I said yes to it, Echo. Yes, to accepting what has happened without trying to judge or change or pretty it up. Yes, to accepting it and surviving it and reclaiming my life, and my identity with every joy, every smallest nuance of pleasure or pain intact.</p><p></p><p>It is like living with eyes open.</p><p></p><p>There are so many horrible things to acknowledge.</p><p></p><p>It is right to honor the sincerity of our feelings, whatever they are.</p><p></p><p>I think we do come to a place where we are no longer so shocked that nothing changed for the better. It is like everyone says, Echo. We cannot change what is. But we can select our response to it.</p><p></p><p>Viktor Frankl. If you haven't read him yet Echo, read him. </p><p></p><p>This is a great thread.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626069, member: 17461"] The answer is a developing compassion ~ for your child, and for yourself. In the end, that will be the answer. You don't need to strive for it Echo ~ the pain you feel is the vehicle. It helped me to understand that there is nothing I have to do. There is nothing I can do. It is what it is. I can choose to be kind. That's pretty much it. A second answer is to recognize that you suffer, that you are suffering. It is a strangeness that every spiritual tradition teaches that suffering opens the spirit. (COM's thread on Highchair Tyrants is relevant here, Echo. The discussion revolves around suffering, and the growth that seems to attend it.) If that is true, and I am coming to believe that it is, then there is purpose to everything that is happening. There are times when I can just glimpse the multi-generational complexity of my own situation, times when, as that poem says, "the Earth turns, singing". That matters. That there is purpose in it. If you look back Echo, you will see that there seem to be levels of acceptance that we sort of fall through. Acceptance of ourselves, of our children, of our situations. You have fallen through many levels already. Suffering, the emotional charge of suffering, seems to be the harbinger of that falling through to the next layer of consciousness, or spirituality. That sounds so woo-woo. Maybe, I mean personal depth, that capacity for empathy, for compassion. *************** I think we never do accept it, Echo. But we choose to survive it. I was either depressed or fixated on whatever latest cure I'd found for so long ~ for years, Echo. I continued to function, I had highs and lows, I thought I was doing alright, given my situation. But I wasn't, Echo. Changing any of it was the result of that decision I made, that conscious choice, cold and certain, to survive. When I feel badly, I work very hard to figure out what the heck it is, this time. I try to hear it, feel it, and put a space around it through meditation. I understand the concept of letting the story I tell myself about what has happened, about what is happening, overtake me. I am vigilant about that. When I recognize hatred or judgment or rage (and believe me, I do), I devote full attention to the feeling. (I have no choice. I sound like I'm patting myself on the back here. No. I get so powerless over every single thing I cannot do other than to pay attention. It is like what you are going through, now.) Either the overwhelming pain of it will dissolve (and it is generally into a deeper acceptance, a kind of compassion for everyone involved) or I fall into something I can only describe as forgiveness. And when that happens, everything changes. There is a sort of resolution, a feeling of breath and open. And then I understand that is why the emotion, that particular thought or energy pattern, existed in the first place. Which is that concept of purpose, the spiritual purpose of suffering that I was telling you about earlier. That is what I mean when I say I had decided, coldly and clearly, to survive. That is my intention. It was like I said yes to it, Echo. Yes, to accepting what has happened without trying to judge or change or pretty it up. Yes, to accepting it and surviving it and reclaiming my life, and my identity with every joy, every smallest nuance of pleasure or pain intact. It is like living with eyes open. There are so many horrible things to acknowledge. It is right to honor the sincerity of our feelings, whatever they are. I think we do come to a place where we are no longer so shocked that nothing changed for the better. It is like everyone says, Echo. We cannot change what is. But we can select our response to it. Viktor Frankl. If you haven't read him yet Echo, read him. This is a great thread. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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