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I'd like to talk about acceptance
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626285" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I can understand how you feel ECHO, your son is just 20, I think I would feel that way too if my child were that young. </p><p></p><p>However, for me, and I am only speaking for myself here, there was a time to let go, the parenting and guiding is essentially over. I don't know when that moment arrives for others, I don't know if it even has anything to do with age, but for me, hope left and then I began to feel better. Even though that sounds weird, one would think I would be hopeless, but quite the contrary, it released me into my own life and freed my daughter into hers. As Crazy in Virginia stated, the raising is past tense, it is over, I no longer feel the need to counsel my daughter on how she should be living, that choice was already made and expecting it to be different because of what I believe or want, only sets up expectations for me that can't be met. </p><p></p><p>I think it's a long road and "grieving and regretting and forgiving" are a part of it..................but at a point, those feelings subside as well. One of the reasons I always tell folks to get therapy, or counseling or some kind of real support is that this process cuts deep and it goes beyond our difficult child's, it goes to the core of our issues of control, guilt, expectations, self worth..........so much of our self esteem can be wrapped around our kids and when they fail or struggle, we mothers go through the agonies of the damned attempting to separate what is the truth with what our own expectations of ourselves and our kids are. There are a lot of layers to unravel as we pick apart the cords that bind us to our children.</p><p></p><p>There isn't any right or wrong way to go through any of this, we all find a way that works for us. My intention from the beginning was simple, I wanted to find peace. The quote on my desk at work reads............"Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." That is where I aimed myself. That's taken me through quite a number of hairy rides...................however, recently I landed in a pretty good place.....................I think the 6 Pema Chodron books I read back to back REALLY helped a lot. It seems to me it is a perceptual shift out of our suffering and into acceptance, it's a matter of how we perceive it all. Those books helped me to do that................little by little. I don't feel as if I am suffering anymore............nothing has changed for my difficult child, but <u>everything </u>has changed for me.............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626285, member: 13542"] I can understand how you feel ECHO, your son is just 20, I think I would feel that way too if my child were that young. However, for me, and I am only speaking for myself here, there was a time to let go, the parenting and guiding is essentially over. I don't know when that moment arrives for others, I don't know if it even has anything to do with age, but for me, hope left and then I began to feel better. Even though that sounds weird, one would think I would be hopeless, but quite the contrary, it released me into my own life and freed my daughter into hers. As Crazy in Virginia stated, the raising is past tense, it is over, I no longer feel the need to counsel my daughter on how she should be living, that choice was already made and expecting it to be different because of what I believe or want, only sets up expectations for me that can't be met. I think it's a long road and "grieving and regretting and forgiving" are a part of it..................but at a point, those feelings subside as well. One of the reasons I always tell folks to get therapy, or counseling or some kind of real support is that this process cuts deep and it goes beyond our difficult child's, it goes to the core of our issues of control, guilt, expectations, self worth..........so much of our self esteem can be wrapped around our kids and when they fail or struggle, we mothers go through the agonies of the damned attempting to separate what is the truth with what our own expectations of ourselves and our kids are. There are a lot of layers to unravel as we pick apart the cords that bind us to our children. There isn't any right or wrong way to go through any of this, we all find a way that works for us. My intention from the beginning was simple, I wanted to find peace. The quote on my desk at work reads............"Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." That is where I aimed myself. That's taken me through quite a number of hairy rides...................however, recently I landed in a pretty good place.....................I think the 6 Pema Chodron books I read back to back REALLY helped a lot. It seems to me it is a perceptual shift out of our suffering and into acceptance, it's a matter of how we perceive it all. Those books helped me to do that................little by little. I don't feel as if I am suffering anymore............nothing has changed for my difficult child, but [U]everything [/U]has changed for me............. [/QUOTE]
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