Jungleland
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Terry, I PM'd you.
Hugs, Vickie
Hugs, Vickie
If I move out, does difficult child "win"?
- Thread starter TerryJ2
- Start date
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Thank you all again.
I spoke with-easy child and she said he would have a total meltdown and make her life miserable if we grounded him off of TV on Fri. night. He typically watches wrestling on Fri. night and husband will be out of town and I am planning to go out with-friends, with-easy child as the sitter. So, considering that both husband and easy child thought it was a good idea, I will come up with-something else for difficult child in regard to the other night.
We're all getting tired of having him write things 100X but maybe that's what it should be. And, I will rewrite the sandwich script, so to speak.
I spoke with-easy child and she said he would have a total meltdown and make her life miserable if we grounded him off of TV on Fri. night. He typically watches wrestling on Fri. night and husband will be out of town and I am planning to go out with-friends, with-easy child as the sitter. So, considering that both husband and easy child thought it was a good idea, I will come up with-something else for difficult child in regard to the other night.
We're all getting tired of having him write things 100X but maybe that's what it should be. And, I will rewrite the sandwich script, so to speak.
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
Terry,
I'm sorry I missed this - I know the feeling of needing to "get out" of an ugly situation.
Like the others, I agree that there are no winners here. If your difficult child is like either of mine, he will feel that he has a great deal of power. However, at what cost?
Saying that, you & husband are a separate issue. If husband is so stuck on not contributing or backing you up he needs to stay out of the fray, so to speak. When my husband didn't contribute I let him know to either put up, shut up or get out of my way.
husband has since learned (when he got little to no respect from either of the tweedles) to contribute to family life including the ugly stuff. He stepped up to the plate ~ until then life around here was iffy. And that was our problem, not kt or wm's.
I hope that life in your home settles down for you. by the way, the more I detached the more my husband stepped in; in a positive manner. When I started golfing more & leaving whichever tweedle home with husband he had to deal with it. I took up piano then art & stepped back even more from the incessant demands on a daily basis.
Finding daily therapeutic outlets for myself helped me sort out the issues I had with husband; helped me realize that it takes two to make or break a marriage. During our therapy I learned to back down a great deal & really listen to what my husband had to say. I began to see that not everything he was saying or doing was "wrong"; it just wouldn't be my choice. We have since learned to sit down weekly & work out any issues that have come up, discuss our options & make a decision together. If one or the other of us decides not to deal & the other has to take an issue on, the "slug" has to shut up. It has really worked for us.
Good luck in whatever happens.
I'm sorry I missed this - I know the feeling of needing to "get out" of an ugly situation.
Like the others, I agree that there are no winners here. If your difficult child is like either of mine, he will feel that he has a great deal of power. However, at what cost?
Saying that, you & husband are a separate issue. If husband is so stuck on not contributing or backing you up he needs to stay out of the fray, so to speak. When my husband didn't contribute I let him know to either put up, shut up or get out of my way.
husband has since learned (when he got little to no respect from either of the tweedles) to contribute to family life including the ugly stuff. He stepped up to the plate ~ until then life around here was iffy. And that was our problem, not kt or wm's.
I hope that life in your home settles down for you. by the way, the more I detached the more my husband stepped in; in a positive manner. When I started golfing more & leaving whichever tweedle home with husband he had to deal with it. I took up piano then art & stepped back even more from the incessant demands on a daily basis.
Finding daily therapeutic outlets for myself helped me sort out the issues I had with husband; helped me realize that it takes two to make or break a marriage. During our therapy I learned to back down a great deal & really listen to what my husband had to say. I began to see that not everything he was saying or doing was "wrong"; it just wouldn't be my choice. We have since learned to sit down weekly & work out any issues that have come up, discuss our options & make a decision together. If one or the other of us decides not to deal & the other has to take an issue on, the "slug" has to shut up. It has really worked for us.
Good luck in whatever happens.
Terry,
I wondered about the Reeses undermining things too. A whole diet overhaul may be needed. It stinks to do, but the results can be amazing.
have you tried any weighted vests or blankets for your difficult child? they can really change behaviior in amazing ways, as can regular brushing therapy, if the Occupational Therapist (OT) thinks it would help.
I do think conferring with easy child about consequences when she is babysitting is a good thing.
I also wonder what your husband meant when he said he wanted autonomy out of his marriage. how did he intend for that to work, esp iwth kids? Talking about that might be helpful.
I know this is hard, glad you got a break.
Hugs,
Susie
I wondered about the Reeses undermining things too. A whole diet overhaul may be needed. It stinks to do, but the results can be amazing.
have you tried any weighted vests or blankets for your difficult child? they can really change behaviior in amazing ways, as can regular brushing therapy, if the Occupational Therapist (OT) thinks it would help.
I do think conferring with easy child about consequences when she is babysitting is a good thing.
I also wonder what your husband meant when he said he wanted autonomy out of his marriage. how did he intend for that to work, esp iwth kids? Talking about that might be helpful.
I know this is hard, glad you got a break.
Hugs,
Susie
Terry,
Brushing is a therapy. It isn't a 1time thing. At first we were supposed to do it every 2 hours, then down to every 3, and so on until it was 2 times a day, more often if he seemed to need it. It helps the brain cope iwth all the sensory input. It MUST be taught by a professional, because brushing some areas can cause a lot of harm (surprised me to learn this, but it is true) and if you are not brushing the correct way then it isn't going to help.
It is done with a very soft brush, on bare skin or over clothing. A brush like a surgical scrub brush, but they sell them in catalogs of Occupational Therapist (OT) stuff.
Brushing is a therapy. It isn't a 1time thing. At first we were supposed to do it every 2 hours, then down to every 3, and so on until it was 2 times a day, more often if he seemed to need it. It helps the brain cope iwth all the sensory input. It MUST be taught by a professional, because brushing some areas can cause a lot of harm (surprised me to learn this, but it is true) and if you are not brushing the correct way then it isn't going to help.
It is done with a very soft brush, on bare skin or over clothing. A brush like a surgical scrub brush, but they sell them in catalogs of Occupational Therapist (OT) stuff.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
I've seen the brushing work wonders. If you plan on trying it, make sure you're properly trained via an occupational therapist. Doesn't take long, but there is a specific way to do it.
Also be aware that it often doesn't work with older children. This doesn't mean it's not worth a try. I tried with both Travis and Nichole. Neither could handle it and we tried for a very long time. It just aggitated them.
I'm wondering, with difficult child's other issues.......has he ever been evaled by a neurologist? Just to be checked out?
I'm gonna tell you that at one time I believed to some extent that Travis was gonna drive me over the edge. At 13 I was still having to sit at the end of the bed and keep him on task while he cleaned his room each night. And the homework wars were in the WW III category. He was also still wetting the bed at night, even though we regulated his fluid intake to the ounce after 3pm and got him up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
And at 13 new, off the wall behaviors began to appear which happened to be why and how I found the board.
Neurologist cleared up alot of it. The brain damaged areas of the boy's brain are areas that concern organization, tracking, ect. When it comes to any task of more than 2 steps I still to this day often have to redirect him on task. Punishment could only have to do with things near and dear to his heart, or they had no affect at all. The bedwetting was a neuromuscular issue that he did eventually grow out of. I think by 14 the bed wetting stopped. (thank God)
I know there were many times that it seemed Travis' behavior was deliberate. There are times now when if you didn't know what was wrong with him you'd think the same. But they weren't, and aren't.
Travis has improved with age, although it has been slow going at best with many backslides along the way. There are many things he will just never be able to do. Simple things others take for granted without knowing it. (I'm not talking eyesight) I've had to come to terms with that and learn to accept it. And it wasn't an easy road for me.
It's made worse when both parents aren't on the same page. been there done that too. Finally I made husband step out of the dicipline picture. I had no choice.
(((hugs)))
Also be aware that it often doesn't work with older children. This doesn't mean it's not worth a try. I tried with both Travis and Nichole. Neither could handle it and we tried for a very long time. It just aggitated them.
I'm wondering, with difficult child's other issues.......has he ever been evaled by a neurologist? Just to be checked out?
I'm gonna tell you that at one time I believed to some extent that Travis was gonna drive me over the edge. At 13 I was still having to sit at the end of the bed and keep him on task while he cleaned his room each night. And the homework wars were in the WW III category. He was also still wetting the bed at night, even though we regulated his fluid intake to the ounce after 3pm and got him up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
And at 13 new, off the wall behaviors began to appear which happened to be why and how I found the board.
Neurologist cleared up alot of it. The brain damaged areas of the boy's brain are areas that concern organization, tracking, ect. When it comes to any task of more than 2 steps I still to this day often have to redirect him on task. Punishment could only have to do with things near and dear to his heart, or they had no affect at all. The bedwetting was a neuromuscular issue that he did eventually grow out of. I think by 14 the bed wetting stopped. (thank God)
I know there were many times that it seemed Travis' behavior was deliberate. There are times now when if you didn't know what was wrong with him you'd think the same. But they weren't, and aren't.
Travis has improved with age, although it has been slow going at best with many backslides along the way. There are many things he will just never be able to do. Simple things others take for granted without knowing it. (I'm not talking eyesight) I've had to come to terms with that and learn to accept it. And it wasn't an easy road for me.
It's made worse when both parents aren't on the same page. been there done that too. Finally I made husband step out of the dicipline picture. I had no choice.
(((hugs)))
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Thank you all.
Now that the celiac's blood test has come back positive, we've gotten a kick in the b*typical teen to really get strict on our diets.
I have to call camp on Monday and figure out what to do about his food for an entire month. I wonder if we'll have to cancel?
I will remind myself to call an Occupational Therapist (OT).
Now that the celiac's blood test has come back positive, we've gotten a kick in the b*typical teen to really get strict on our diets.
I have to call camp on Monday and figure out what to do about his food for an entire month. I wonder if we'll have to cancel?
I will remind myself to call an Occupational Therapist (OT).
