If it isn't one

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Feb 20, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    it's the other. This post is about easy child but she is acting so gfgish I am posting it here. If it needs to be moved that's o.k.

    Last week we received a call she hasn't been doing any homework. We me Monday with all of her teachers and came up with a new plan as we found out she was Instant messaging too much (fairly typical teen I think-even though it drove me crazy).

    Now on to last night and this morning. She doesn't have a lot of jobs around here. She does have to take care of the garbage on Tuesday nights. Last night we reminder her a few times and she started getting very disrespectful. She ended up going to the basement and fell asleep so it didn't get done. Neither did the dishes get unloaded from the dishwasher like we asked. She must have woken up at some point in the night because she was sleeping in her room this morning.

    This morning she was looking for a pair of jeans she left in the living room. What were they doing in the living room you ask? Good question, one I don't have the answer too. She started having a full blown meltdown. Screaming that someone took them, that she hates this house, etc... Then she kicked something and it knocked a picture off the nearby bookshelf.

    She goes upstairs continues to scream and tantrum. husband stopped what he was doing to help to try and find them. He finally figured out that he thought they were difficult child's and had thrown them in the washer. They hadn't been put in the dryer yet. She continues to meltdown.

    Barely moves to get ready for school because she didn't want to go if she didn't have her jeans. I told her I was going to leave so she went back to bed. I should have just left by this point but it didn't seem to be bothering her that she would have an unexcused absence (and I was mad that I had to take the garbage out) so I told her she needed to be ready in 5 minutes or next fall she wasn't going to the homecoming dance (o.k. at this point I know I sounded nuts but darn it I needed something to get her moving).

    She did get dressed after screaming how much she hates me. difficult child felt so bad about how she was acting he gave me a hug and told me to ignore her. At this point I'm thinking I must be hospitalizing the wrong kid.

    She hasn't spoken to husband or me yet tonight. Honestly, I know the teenage years are hard, I know she has a difficult brother but acting this way is just not o.k.

    So still typical teen or budding difficult child?

    by the way, after such a pleasant start to my day I get to school to find a letter from our Superintendent telling us because we had two snow days this year they are having to add 7 minutes on to the end of each day for the rest of the year.

    I should have stayed in bed this morning!
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sharon, wow, it does sound like your easy child and difficult child changed bodies. SF transference perhaps? :crazy1:
    I have to admit I chuckled a few times when I read your note... the parts about hospitalizing the wrong kid, and about how you threatened her with-not going to homecoming. Hey, you know where to aim!!! :smug:
    I think she waaaay overreacted ... to the point where I would put her in the difficult child category if she's always like that. Also, I would have way more tasks for her. I realize she's on medications, etc. but she's got to learn some life skills.
    Not all at once, and certainly not today! But in general, FWIW.
    When she's calm, I would talk to her about responsibility and having a 2nd pr of clothes laid out the night b4 school. You will have to check it every night for a while (and yes, she will complain that you don't trust her but she's already proven you can't trust her so she has to earn it back).
    I LOVE that difficult child gave you a hug. That's the best part of your note.
    I'll add my own hugs but none will be as sweet as the one from your difficult child. :love-very:
    Take care.
  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Sorry it was such a day. I sometimes have the same questions about my easy child. Teens(in our case pre teen) can be hard, and I can't help but wonder if it is worse with girls. I'm not sure there, as my kids are younger.

    Go read a book or take a bath. Do something for yourself.
  4. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I'm interested to see the opinions on this since it sounds just like the way my oldest acts at times. I mostly consider her to be a easy child but on those days I wonder. To me it seems over the top for typical teen but I've always heard the teen years are hard.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Well, I'd have to say she's a transient difficult child. If only for today. I'd be tempted to make a new rule: anything left out in the common areas of the house by the kids is subject to whatever you or husband want. Wash it, frame it, toss it, burn it in the fireplace. Her clothing belonged in her closet... or at least her bedroom.
    I don't think you'll know if she's a budding difficult child until difficult child's hospitalization takes place. That's when her true colors will show themselves. Good luck, and sorry about the extra time tacked on at school. That's going to be the longest 7 minutes of each day. {{{Hugs}}}
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sharon, my easy child/difficult child 2 just turned 13 this week, and we've seen similar meltdowns. She's stable on her medications (which is why I call her easy child/difficult child -- she once was solely a difficult child) so I think her irrational meltdowns mostly are typical teen. They usually occur when she's overstimulated or overtired (or both!) and are way out-of-proportion to the situation (sometimes laughably so). I find that carving out one-on-one time (chats over a drink at Starbucks or shopping together without her little sister tagging along) helps build our relationship in a way that allows me to explore with her what happened once the meltdown has blown over. I try to talk with her in a non-judgmental way about why she was feeling the way she was, how things could have gone differently and how she can cope with a similar situation in the future. It's not perfect, but she and I have made some progress in recent months.

    I hope your easy child comes out of her funk soon! Hugs to you.
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sounds like some serious PMS. At least that's how my daughter acts when PMSing. For me, what makes her difficult (besides a very checkered past in behavior) from the "normal" teen is that while her behavior is extreme when PMSing, there are serious issues and behaviors that have to be dealt with daily from total lack of responsibility, denial, entitlement, narcissism. Add poor executive functioning to the mix and you have a young lady with major problems that has come a long way and still has many steps left before she hits true adulthood.

    Hope this makes sense.
  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    OMG, Sharon, I'm sorry but I laughed out loud at the homecoming threat. Bless your heart, I think it's just an indication of how desperate you were to get her moving. And hey... it worked!

    I lean towards typical teen behavior. Just a gut call, not having had a typical teen girl (yet). Weeburt doesn't do the ranting and raving but good heavens, his family's expectations (garbage, take laundry downstairs) are just such a burden. Siiiigh...

    I *love* that difficult child comforted you. Goodness - I think that would almost make up for the rest of the morning!!!

    Love TM's house rule about belongings left all over the place. Personal belongings not in their room becomes fair game for parents. Yep, I do believe I will implement that tomorrow!

    Hope your evening went smoothly, aside from the freeze out. Hang in there!!!
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'd say typical teen. Teenage girls are more like aliens than anything human. Boys aren't near as bad. Teen girls have that drama thing down pat. I think they pull them aside in school for a special class on it.

    I can't believe the extra 7 minutes a day! We have 5 snow days worked into the school year. If we don't use them all, we don't get them off, but we don't have to make anything up unless we use more than 5 snow days.

    (((hugs))) Hope tomorrow is better.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone!

    Terry-I too had to laugh (to myself, of course) about threatening to take away the homecoming dance. I just couldn't think of anything else at the time. I agree she should have more responsibility. Actually during the weekend we expect more from her than during the week. She actually does her own laundry and is usually good about having clothes ready.

    Crazymama-It sure is hard to tell whether they are pcs or difficult children. I did do something nice for me. husband and I went out to dinner last night and left easy child to fend for herself for dinner (there was plenty to eat).

    FOP-Seems over the top to me too but I'm not around a lot of teenage girls (thank goodness!).

    TM-I love that rule!!!!

    SW-I love the suggestion about carving out the one on one time but when I make the attempt she doesn't want to. She really withdraws a lot which worries me. When husband or I try to talk to her about what she could do differently she starts getting upset all over again. She will listen at the therapist office but not follow through at home.

    Meowbunny-It could be PMS. With her it seems to be somewhat cyclical except it seems to last a really long time-like half the month!

    Sue-I too was laughing after the fact (to myself, of course, like I told Terry-easy child didn't find it too funny). I was desperate for anything that would work. difficult child comforting me was really nice!

    Heather-I hope it is just typical teen and if it is I can't wait till she is out of the teens! Wow-5 snow days are a lot! We used to always have two built in so we were shocked to find out we didn't.

    Thanks again-she is still being very moody but that may be in part because she now knows her consequence for pulling such an attitude. We told her no tv for 1 day and no computer for two days.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess I'd tend to lean toward typical teen, but as others have said, I think girls can qualify for difficult child status without ever leaving typical teen behaviors, sometimes... lol

    I survived easy child 1. I survived difficult child 1. Not sure I'm going to survive the next two (easy child 2 - female age 11 going on 22 and 5 simultaneously, and wee difficult child 2 - male - one of the 2 will kill me)
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I remember throwing some fits like this as a teen. I do have the defense of being on cortisone ALL during my teen years, but still.

    Sounds like you have it mostly under control, but if the withdrawing and tantrums, or other out of her normal patter behavior continues, you might want to be on the lookout for any sign of drug use.

    I am probably wrong, but it can't hurt to have your eyes open.


  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sorry to hear that easy child is struggling so.....can't say one way or another what is what. She must be so very sick & tired of being "behind" difficult child brother in so many ways.

    I remember when my baby sister was so terminally ill....how angry I would get just to get my mother's attention because I needed some monthly supplies & I had no one to run me into town to get them. I was, at 13, panic stricken, angry & tired of having to beg to get Mom's attention. And looking back I didn't have much sympathy (I really didn't understand the level of stress she was feeling) for my exhausted looking mum.

    (((hugs))) to you & easy child tonight. I hope you both find time to work things out together - have some mum & daughter time together.