I might lose any semblance of a mind I have left. I just had this gut wrenching realization of what my life would be like if this program kicked Matt out, and dumped him at my door. I am not sure why this vision has eluded me earlier - perhaps self defense. I truly cannot fathom what life would be like for the couple of weeks it would take me to find him a city to live in, a place to live in, possibly a new program. I could never live with him again, he could not stay here even a day. Yet he has been so sheltered at this program, that I could not just say, hitch a ride dude and figure it out. I am panicked that this program has given him so little life skills, that if they kicked him out, I would be stuck, once again, trying to get him settled. That burden is literally bigger than I can comprehend - and now that I have - I can't stop trembling. This program has to help him get a life & promise me they won't kick him out until they do. If they have to tell him to leave then they have to find him something new, first. I know my story is hard to understand, as is Matts. He is super smart, and funny, and super street savvy - so he could navigate his way on the street if he had to - but it is obvious where he would end up without life skills. I homeschooled him and kept him sheltered from basic living experiences. Totally my bad. I know now. This program was supposed to be the stepping stone from the sheltered life to real life - instead it is turning into more of the same thing I did. I hope you don't think I am "not detaching" because actually it is the opposite. I am so detached that if he showed up at my door, I would have no idea what to do or say - or even how to handle myself or things. I have MY life here, MY friends, MY house where not ONE thing has been broken in the year I have lived here. And now they are even MY dogs, all 3 of them, he can't even have one of them. So - I guess it is more that I am so detached that I am petrified of having to go backwards even one step. Anyway, thanks for listening. I just felt like a bolt of lightning hit me when I thought about this for the first time clearly - and I had to purge the fear.