If the professionals can't be mature?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Jun 19, 2007.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    <span style="color: #003300">Then what's a parent to do?

    We just got back from mat’s new counselor, and she was as combative and rude as he is! No lie! I cannot stand her. When mat told her that he did not like his grandpa, the one who has brain cancer, she asked him, “so you are glad he is dying?”
    What???? Mat has every right to be mad at his grandpa – he physically abused him when he was younger! Did she ask that, know that, care about that? And who would be glad that someone is dying, even if it is their arch enemy? After he exploded from her comment, she told him that she could see why he had no friends. And she ended it by telling him that she did not think he really wanted help. Greaattt! What a technique! :cry:

    Another episode occurred last month when mat was in patient. I guess in an effort for mat to see he did not need to be so protective of me, the sw started this completely inappropriate dialogue. He made a reference to me being single, and that I was a good looking women, and then he asked mat how he would feel when I got a boyfriend? Then he said, I kid you not, "maybe I will date her….then I would be your dad. How would you feel about that?’ He went on and on with this scenario, and I sat there, dumbfounded. The next day during visitation, he came up to mat and me and accidentally startled mat. The sw asked mat, "what? did you think I was your dad?" Whatttt????? :eek:

    This is just the tip of the ice berg….it seems in the past 16 years of our life, like this has happened all of the time. Something about my kid brings out the immature rudeness in professionals (or anybody for that matter - but they should know better). Or maybe it is me. I don't know - but I know find myself bitter, jaded, and continually defensive - and constantly feeling like I am a street sweeper that has to go behind mat and his life, and clean up all of the debris that manages to surround us.

    Does anyone else experience this? I, for one, am very, very tired.
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  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Amber, what you're describing isn't immaturity. It's downright unprofessionalism. I'd report these counselors to whatever state agency licenses them.
     
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hear you.

    When Cory was 13 and inpatient he had this idiotic social worker that was supposedly doing some family therapy with us while he was there. I knew he was only going to be there for a few days so I was less interested in "how" he got bipolar than I was in what can we do from then forward to help him. She was stuck on the hows and the whys and how did it make us all feel to get the diagnosis. Argh. When I was detached and tried to keep bringing the subject back to services outside the hospital, she actually turned to Cory and asked him how it felt to know his mother didnt love him. Then she looked at husband and told him to get rid of me and parent Cory alone!

    I was livid.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yikes! in my opinion this man is a nutcase. Didn't it scare you that he said you were good looking and that he might date you and asked your son how he'd feel if he married you? My best advice is to dump him and report him so that nobody else goes through that. That's beyond immaturity. That's dangerous. By the way, it's not you. You've just had horrible luck. If you can afford it or have insurance, I'd find a private person that you trust, who others have seen and know are professional and ethical. If you can't, in my opinion, nobody at all is better than this big bully. Reading the story gave me the creeps.
     
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    It's been our experience that finding a good therapist takes a while. thank you had one after his first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stay who was a *complete* idiot - felt that a 12 y/o, after 3 years in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), should be allowed to come and go as he pleased, engage in sexual activity, etc. When we refused to allow the kids to open a box addressed to husband and I, we were accused of being "annihilators of joy". Um... ok. The capper was when I fired her after 6 ridiculous weeks of so-called therapy, she threatened to report us to DCFS for failing to provide needed medical care. I told her to be my guest - would much rather deal with- DCFS than her. She was a total nut job. The sad thing is that I interviewed her *before* I subjected thank you to her. She just did this complete 180 when thank you showed up.

    on the other hand, we have found 2 simply fantabulous therapists who were able to work with- thank you. At least as much as thank you would allow. The second one finally told me that it just wasn't worth my time and money to keep bringing him there because thank you wasn't invested a bit.

    Personally, I wouldn't waste more than 2 visits on a therapist if there's not a connection, a common goal, an understanding of what is going on and why you're there. It's been really hard to find good ones, but boy oh boy, when you find a good one it is really worth the search.

    Hang in there.
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would definitely be looking for a new therapist. This is very unprofessional. I'm sorry you have had to deal with this.
     
  7. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Geez! You're in Dallas area too? PM or email me her info so I'm sure to stay away from her. We're in the area as well. I've heard great recommendations on one guy, but he's out of our network. Maybe hes in yours, if you want his info, let me know!

    I'm sorry it went so awful!
     
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