If you ever start to feel stupid ...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by donna723, Apr 23, 2008.

  1. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I got this in an email and it's too good not to pass along!

    If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius.

    ************

    (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
    Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
    Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
    --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest
    ******
    'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
    --Mariah Carey
    ******
    'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
    -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
    ******
    'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
    --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .
    ******
    'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , Difficult Child
    ******
    'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
    --A congressional candidate in Texas
    ******
    'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
    --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
    ******
    'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
    --Al Gore, Vice President
    ******
    'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'
    -- Dan Quayle
    ******
    'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?'
    --Lee Iacocca
    ******
    'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
    --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
    *****
    'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
    -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
    ******
    'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
    -- Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
    ******
    'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
    --Keppel Enderbery
    ******
    'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
    --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


    Feeling smarter yet?
     
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Um, yeah...
     
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Boy, I feel like a genius........
     
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You mean like Norman Einstein?
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm a blinkin' genius.

    lmao
     
  6. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Wow, that's pretty amazing.
     
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
    -- Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

    Yes please - I'd like an application to get Phantom Food Stamps..boooooooo boooooooooooooooooo:ghost:






     
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sounds like a bunch of somebodies had a bowl of stupid for breakfast.
     
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Wow. I've send some pretty stupid thing in the heat of the moment, but these top them.

    Abbey
     
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Donna, that was great!
    I particularly like the food stamp one.
    Form letters, answering machines and the persons who "operate" them seem to "bug" me.
     
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the laugh! I really needed one this evening!
     
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