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If you feel you've been beating a dead horse with me with regard to my mother in law...
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 231883" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I am so proud of you Shari. You may not be able to change anyone, but you can set up the standards of their behavior in your world. You can decide if lying and hiding things are accepted or not in your home. If they don't like it, they can stay away.</p><p> </p><p>I am appalled at her telling you that you need to run your own house. That is exactly what you have been doing all along. She is the one not listening to that. easy child 2 is part of your house and the decisions made must be upheld by mother in law. mother in law must stop trying to run your house.</p><p> </p><p>mother in law also has to learn that easy child 2 is husband's daughter - he gets to make the decisions with his ex. mother in law has no say in it, she had her chance of being a mom to husband, now it is husband's job to be the dad. Just like everyone else in the entire world, she must allow husband to parent as he sees fit and not interfer.</p><p> </p><p>No one is a perfect parent. However, if there is disagreements made known to the child (your parents said 'no' but there really is nothing wrong with doing this just don't tell them) it is just confusing to the kid. The child will take the two opposing views and choose the easiest/funnest one thus looking for a way out his/her entire life. "But mom/dad, so and so said it would be o.k." When that so and so is a relative, it is harder to fight. If it appears that a parent is wrong, it is not up to anyone else (MILs included) to destroy that decision by directing the child that mom/dad were wrong. They have to respect that decision and help the kid make the best of it. "I wish this wasn't hard for you, but your mom and dad are doing what they believe is right for you. Try to accept it."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 231883, member: 5096"] I am so proud of you Shari. You may not be able to change anyone, but you can set up the standards of their behavior in your world. You can decide if lying and hiding things are accepted or not in your home. If they don't like it, they can stay away. I am appalled at her telling you that you need to run your own house. That is exactly what you have been doing all along. She is the one not listening to that. easy child 2 is part of your house and the decisions made must be upheld by mother in law. mother in law must stop trying to run your house. mother in law also has to learn that easy child 2 is husband's daughter - he gets to make the decisions with his ex. mother in law has no say in it, she had her chance of being a mom to husband, now it is husband's job to be the dad. Just like everyone else in the entire world, she must allow husband to parent as he sees fit and not interfer. No one is a perfect parent. However, if there is disagreements made known to the child (your parents said 'no' but there really is nothing wrong with doing this just don't tell them) it is just confusing to the kid. The child will take the two opposing views and choose the easiest/funnest one thus looking for a way out his/her entire life. "But mom/dad, so and so said it would be o.k." When that so and so is a relative, it is harder to fight. If it appears that a parent is wrong, it is not up to anyone else (MILs included) to destroy that decision by directing the child that mom/dad were wrong. They have to respect that decision and help the kid make the best of it. "I wish this wasn't hard for you, but your mom and dad are doing what they believe is right for you. Try to accept it." [/QUOTE]
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