Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
If you had to choose...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 257433" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Oh- I guess that has never been clarified here, but it was clarified in court last year. My bro always wanted custody of my son (from the time I knew I was pregnant) but of course, I would never let that happen. My bro tried to molest me as a teen but did not accomplish it. (That is a different incident from the rape.) My bro has MAJOR issues due to his bio-mom (he's a half-bro) and my bro REFUSES to accept that he has ANY issues because in his book, that makes a person defective so he has NEVER seen a therapist for anything and these issues never got resolved. </p><p></p><p>Now, I did see all that as somewhat of a risk- or I should say unhealthy- situation if my son was going to be around my bro a lot. But, we always lived in different states and I wanted my son to at least have one male family member that he knew since his father skipped out during the pregnancy. It NEVER occurred to me that my bro's attempts to molest me as a teen were anything more than an isolated incident. because of all this, I allowed a child/uncle relationship to develop- somehwhat. They talked on the phone, sent holdiay gifts, and we saw each other (all 3 of us together) about every 1-2 years. This is in spite of the fact that when my son was born, my bro got mad because I didn't name my son after him, I got mad for that, and my bro refused to see my son or speak to me for 2 1/2 years.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, as my son reached pre-adolescent age, my bro started talking about things and doing things that revealed more about how he truly is. He was trying to tell me how to raise my son, talked about teens should be allowed sex, drugs, and drinking, etc. (He had someone in his life as a teen that allowed him to do these things- he lost his virginity to his best friend's mom as a teen after she "allowed" him to get drunk on booze she provided and still sees nothing wrong with this.) Well, I had been wrong in assuming that as he matured, he had come to see that these things weren't really good- he still believes that this is the appropriate way and that a child SHOULD be raised this way. Then, he started trying to start conflict between me and my mother and difficult child and me. Then, he would say he wanted to visit but yell at me in front of difficult child the whole time he was here. Then, he smacked the kiss on difficult child's lips and looked at me like he'd do whatever he wanted. Then, he tried to get difficult child to start calling him when I wasn't around and told difficult child not to tell me things but to tell him then he set difficult child up with the computer stuff behind my back then told gal I had allowed it. He tried to get difficult child condoms when he was 12yo to have sex with a 10yo while difficult child was on a monitor from detention awaiting trial. Then, he called everyone in town telling them I had mental issues and had all my life and then he filed for custody. Somewhere in all that I realized that my bro was acting just like a potential molester at worst, and at best, was trying to undermine the parent/child relationship with difficult child and me, so I stopped contact between the two.</p><p></p><p>Oh- he claims I have mental issues because I DID go to therapy in my early 20's to get over my issues and learned about dysfunctional families and would not raise my son the way the familyy has typically raised their kids. I changed- not my bro. My bro thinks this makes me mentally ill. Evidently, the gal is still buying into that. We are getting there in my current therapist situation, but a lot has happened lately and there's only so much I can cover in 50 min appts once a week. LOL!</p><p></p><p>These are only the things that come to mind right away. difficult child does not know all these details since I didn't want to break his heart but wanted him to learn about them gradually. Still, difficult child wants no contact with my bro and hasn't for nearly 2 years- since he figured out that his uncle is under-handed and set him up.</p><p></p><p>My bro is 2 years older than me and still has big gay parties at his house a few times a week with a lot of drinking, and I don't know about drugs but I know that he said on several occassions that teens are going to do drugs, it's better to give them a "safe" environment to do them in. He only talked about what he wanted - never about what was in difficult child's best interest. I was wrong to not realize a LOT sooner that there was never really any reason to think my bro would be any different since he never acknowledged his own issues much less get help for them or try to change. My mother says now that my bro just probably tried to put on a show until difficult child was old enough that he thought he could get custody of him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 257433, member: 3699"] Oh- I guess that has never been clarified here, but it was clarified in court last year. My bro always wanted custody of my son (from the time I knew I was pregnant) but of course, I would never let that happen. My bro tried to molest me as a teen but did not accomplish it. (That is a different incident from the rape.) My bro has MAJOR issues due to his bio-mom (he's a half-bro) and my bro REFUSES to accept that he has ANY issues because in his book, that makes a person defective so he has NEVER seen a therapist for anything and these issues never got resolved. Now, I did see all that as somewhat of a risk- or I should say unhealthy- situation if my son was going to be around my bro a lot. But, we always lived in different states and I wanted my son to at least have one male family member that he knew since his father skipped out during the pregnancy. It NEVER occurred to me that my bro's attempts to molest me as a teen were anything more than an isolated incident. because of all this, I allowed a child/uncle relationship to develop- somehwhat. They talked on the phone, sent holdiay gifts, and we saw each other (all 3 of us together) about every 1-2 years. This is in spite of the fact that when my son was born, my bro got mad because I didn't name my son after him, I got mad for that, and my bro refused to see my son or speak to me for 2 1/2 years. Anyway, as my son reached pre-adolescent age, my bro started talking about things and doing things that revealed more about how he truly is. He was trying to tell me how to raise my son, talked about teens should be allowed sex, drugs, and drinking, etc. (He had someone in his life as a teen that allowed him to do these things- he lost his virginity to his best friend's mom as a teen after she "allowed" him to get drunk on booze she provided and still sees nothing wrong with this.) Well, I had been wrong in assuming that as he matured, he had come to see that these things weren't really good- he still believes that this is the appropriate way and that a child SHOULD be raised this way. Then, he started trying to start conflict between me and my mother and difficult child and me. Then, he would say he wanted to visit but yell at me in front of difficult child the whole time he was here. Then, he smacked the kiss on difficult child's lips and looked at me like he'd do whatever he wanted. Then, he tried to get difficult child to start calling him when I wasn't around and told difficult child not to tell me things but to tell him then he set difficult child up with the computer stuff behind my back then told gal I had allowed it. He tried to get difficult child condoms when he was 12yo to have sex with a 10yo while difficult child was on a monitor from detention awaiting trial. Then, he called everyone in town telling them I had mental issues and had all my life and then he filed for custody. Somewhere in all that I realized that my bro was acting just like a potential molester at worst, and at best, was trying to undermine the parent/child relationship with difficult child and me, so I stopped contact between the two. Oh- he claims I have mental issues because I DID go to therapy in my early 20's to get over my issues and learned about dysfunctional families and would not raise my son the way the familyy has typically raised their kids. I changed- not my bro. My bro thinks this makes me mentally ill. Evidently, the gal is still buying into that. We are getting there in my current therapist situation, but a lot has happened lately and there's only so much I can cover in 50 min appts once a week. LOL! These are only the things that come to mind right away. difficult child does not know all these details since I didn't want to break his heart but wanted him to learn about them gradually. Still, difficult child wants no contact with my bro and hasn't for nearly 2 years- since he figured out that his uncle is under-handed and set him up. My bro is 2 years older than me and still has big gay parties at his house a few times a week with a lot of drinking, and I don't know about drugs but I know that he said on several occassions that teens are going to do drugs, it's better to give them a "safe" environment to do them in. He only talked about what he wanted - never about what was in difficult child's best interest. I was wrong to not realize a LOT sooner that there was never really any reason to think my bro would be any different since he never acknowledged his own issues much less get help for them or try to change. My mother says now that my bro just probably tried to put on a show until difficult child was old enough that he thought he could get custody of him. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
If you had to choose...
Top