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If you have personality disorders in your family, including difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 628993" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>As we are both the older sisters of some pretty dysfunctional mothers, we probably overlooked the same kinds of things with our younger sibs that we did with our own children.</p><p></p><p>Look how long it took me to get it that it was wrong for my own son to call me a jerk.</p><p></p><p>And he said that very word: jerk.</p><p></p><p>I actually respect him more, now that we're not talking. Which sounds crazy, but I respect myself more now than to just take all the wrongnesses in stride and excuse them in some wierded out belief that no one meant any of the bad things that were going on. That was pretty sick of me. To want everything to be alright so much that I convinced myself it was okay when it wasn't.</p><p></p><p>Good for difficult child son for standing up for whatever he thinks the situation is.</p><p></p><p>That's at least honest.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I miss mine. They are like, happily crazy; bright and funny but so terminally messed up. My family isn't so much a lie as they are really mean. They are so mean you can never believe that what just happened, happened. Because everyone is laughing.</p><p></p><p>And that's the way it's always been.</p><p></p><p>I am going to miss them a little bit, anyway.</p><p></p><p>Now that I am stronger, and am seeing through and confronting issues? No one is laughing, anymore. And no one seems to care enough about me to address the things that need changing, so there you go.</p><p></p><p>They say there is a fine line between what we find humorous and the things that horrify us.</p><p></p><p>It's kind of like that, in my family of origin. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True! I wanted to raise a healthy family so much. I am done asking what happened to all of us because I think I never will figure it out. </p><p></p><p>Man, I wish it could have been different, though.</p><p></p><p>Jeanne from California posted this morning on another thread that she and her husband decided to refuse to concentrate on "why" these things happen. They decided instead to face everything head on, and they decided to refuse to allow what happened to destroy them.</p><p></p><p>What a cool focus. I invariably try to figure out where things went wrong so I can fix it.</p><p></p><p>And then I can't let go because it is never fixed. And that is generally because it wasn't mine <em>to</em> fix.</p><p></p><p>So now? I am fixing myself.</p><p></p><p>That's actually going really well.</p><p></p><p>*******************</p><p></p><p>My mother is still alive. I may regret taking this stand....</p><p></p><p>But just for today, everything is fine as it is.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 628993, member: 17461"] As we are both the older sisters of some pretty dysfunctional mothers, we probably overlooked the same kinds of things with our younger sibs that we did with our own children. Look how long it took me to get it that it was wrong for my own son to call me a jerk. And he said that very word: jerk. I actually respect him more, now that we're not talking. Which sounds crazy, but I respect myself more now than to just take all the wrongnesses in stride and excuse them in some wierded out belief that no one meant any of the bad things that were going on. That was pretty sick of me. To want everything to be alright so much that I convinced myself it was okay when it wasn't. Good for difficult child son for standing up for whatever he thinks the situation is. That's at least honest. I miss mine. They are like, happily crazy; bright and funny but so terminally messed up. My family isn't so much a lie as they are really mean. They are so mean you can never believe that what just happened, happened. Because everyone is laughing. And that's the way it's always been. I am going to miss them a little bit, anyway. Now that I am stronger, and am seeing through and confronting issues? No one is laughing, anymore. And no one seems to care enough about me to address the things that need changing, so there you go. They say there is a fine line between what we find humorous and the things that horrify us. It's kind of like that, in my family of origin. True! I wanted to raise a healthy family so much. I am done asking what happened to all of us because I think I never will figure it out. Man, I wish it could have been different, though. Jeanne from California posted this morning on another thread that she and her husband decided to refuse to concentrate on "why" these things happen. They decided instead to face everything head on, and they decided to refuse to allow what happened to destroy them. What a cool focus. I invariably try to figure out where things went wrong so I can fix it. And then I can't let go because it is never fixed. And that is generally because it wasn't mine [I]to[/I] fix. So now? I am fixing myself. That's actually going really well. ******************* My mother is still alive. I may regret taking this stand.... But just for today, everything is fine as it is. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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