If you post a corpse on Facebook, you might be a redneck...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by PatriotsGirl, Jun 25, 2014.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Seriously. My best friend's brother died 11 days ago (they were hoping it was a heart attack as sad as that sounds, but now I am thinking it was an overdose - he has a drug history and they have been asking that people not ask questions at the wake and funeral).

    Of course, my husband and I dressed for the wake and went. When we got there, we saw people dressed in all sorts of attire - including basketball shorts and t-shirts! Very disrespectful in our eyes. Maybe we are old fashioned?

    The body looked really awful but he had been dead ten days already. My best friend told us to look at the pictures on the tv screen and not to look at the body. :(

    We were completely shocked when we saw people taking pictures of the body!!! They may as well have been taking "selfies" with it. I said to my husband that I wondered if they would post it on Facebook not thinking anyone would really do such a thing.

    And then I wake up this morning, check Facebook and there is the picture of the corpse, with the cousin's hand touching his arm. So it was a "selfie" of her jewelry-laden hand and the corpse. (This was their cousin that took and posted the picture).

    SERIOUSLY????? Who DOES that???
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    In old days it would have been common (of course no Facebook.) But it was common to take pictures of corpse and funeral guests with the corpse. Often times it may have been an only photo taken from the person. But yes, putting them to Facebook shows a bit poor taste to me too.

    However one can look it from many directions. In my neck of woods there has been lot of talk about trying to hide the death and what it does to us. Our funerals are basically always closed casket. Closest mourners may be present when the casket is closed before the funerals, but there is never any work done with the corpse or anything as I have understood is quite common in US (in other words I was a fan of Six Feet Under, not sure if it gave any real representation of your funeral arrangements or not, though.) And often even the closest ones don't want to see a corpse. Better part of people around here have never seen a dead person. And there has been some discussion, what that does to us and if we have gone too far from principles of life, when hiding death from our society like that.

    There are also lots of people, who seem to feel they have a right to 'be themselves' and come as they are, to both funerals and weddings and any other sort of gathering. The thought goes something like: if you have time to look what others are wearing and get offended, you are not giving enough attention to main thing there (e.g. mourning, or celebrating weddings or what ever was a reason for gathering.) Some people take pride about wearing jeans and sport sandals to funerals or weddings and think they are more true and authentic that way. I'm traditionalist/conservative too and find that rather tacky and entitled. They probably find me stuck up, prudish and pharisaic.

    But yeah, it is tacky.
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I agree - to me all of that seems very tacky and tasteless. I live right in the middle of the deep South and I can't even imagine that being done here. Several generations ago it might have been common practice to take pictures of the deceased but if anyone does it now, it would be done strictly in private. And to post a "selfie" with a dead relative or friend on Facebook is too tasteless for words!

    If I'm understanding it right, this man wasn't found until 11 days after his death? I can't even imagine having an open casket under those circumstances! Funeral directors can work wonders to make people look presentable but some things are just too much, even for them. I would think that would be very upsetting for family and friends to see them like that. The closed casket services I've been to have had nice photos of the person in happier days displayed near the casket and it's nice. One of m best friends from work recently passed away from cancer and before she died, she gave instructions to her family that she wanted her casket to be closed. She fought a long, hard battle and her appearance had changed drastically during her illness. She wanted her friends to remember her as she was in better days, not the way she looked when she died.

    And as for the clothing, I would think that wearing basketball shorts or something similar shows disrespect for the deceased and the family. Here they have a couple of "viewings" before the actual funeral where people come by to visit with the family and pay their respects. This is usually the afternoon or evening before the actual funeral or a few hours before the funeral services begin. People dress a bit more casually for the viewing and it's not uncommon to see people stop by in their work clothes on their way home from work but to deliberately "dress down" in clothing more suitable to a picnic is just tacky! Most people dress nicely for the actual funeral. The women usually wear dresses or dressy pants and tops, conservative colors and styles. Not necessary black but if you showed up in flaming red or hot pink you'd get some odd looks. Men usually wear dressy clothes, suits or dress pants and shirts. I have occasionally seen a few people wearing jeans but they were decent jeans and paired with a nice shirt. In my opinion, going to a funeral dressed like you're playing catch in your back yard is tacky and disrespectful to the deceased and their family. A funeral is a time to say goodbye to a friend or relative and pay your respects to the family, not an opportunity to make a fashion statement or express your individuality.
  4. lisa6565

    lisa6565 New Member

    I agree it is appalling. My daughter died of cancer and she was very thin at death. She had been a beautiful young girl. She did not want photos taken, although that is the custom.
    It angered me very much when my son had pictures taken of him smiling next to her. When I refused to take pictures he asked someone else to do it. I am still resentful of that. If she had looked just as beautiful i would have been ok with it. So disrespectful of his sister. Smiling!! Again, that is custom.

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  5. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I DON'T like any of this one bit.

    I think a possible exception is if an immediate family member wanted to take a photo for their own personal remembrance. ONE discreet photo, not a selfie, NOT for publication, NOT to share, not taken with others or even them self....and I don't even think that's such a great idea unless the deceased looks somewhat like their usual self.
    I suppose I might be old fashioned.

    This isn't nearly as bad...but along the same lines.....
    Our son and daughter in law were married in Orlando. Nice wedding at beautiful hotel. Since it was in Orlando, there were people dressed in shorts and sandals, because they wanted to sneak in a trip to Disney. And I thought THAT was very weird and a little disrespectful. Geez!
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Nomad, I'm from Orlando and, believe me, nobody who lives there would ever think that shorts and sandals were appropriate to wear to a wedding! Only if you were told in advance that it was a going to be a VERY casual affair and that everybody would be dressed that way. Only a tourist would think that people who actually live in Orlando run around wearing shorts, sandals, and a pair of Mickey Mouse ears all the time! Believe it or not, what is considered to be proper attire in Orlando is pretty much the same as it is everywhere else.
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    to answer who would do such a thing? my answer is someone with absolutely no class. I've got a lot of family members who are rednecks and they would absolutely be appalled at the idea of posting that on facebook. Now I''m starting to understand why a person could possibly be banned from a funeral. I would tell my loved ones that when my time comes I want that tacky person not allowed in the building, and if want pictures get them now when I can still smile in them.

    in my opinion the only person who should photograph a corpse is someone working for the coroners office, police etc. because they need to catch who did it!

    About a month ago I went to a funeral that was declared casual dress, for the simple reason many of these people didn't own dress clothes. Thinking back the only one there in short pants was under 2 years old. Lots of tattoo's but not a single pair of basketball shorts or tank tops.

  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    One exception to corpse pictures being rather tacky nowadays I can easily come up with. When there is a stillborn or the baby dies very soon after birth, I totally understand that parents want to not only hold baby, bath her, dress her etc. before leaving her to morgue, but also take pictures. And both show those pictures to family members later but also maybe put them up to a blog or even Facebook. I have seen that done and that I didn't find tacky at all but more a way to respect that child as a part of the family. But that of course have nothing to do with what PG experienced.
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Donna....that's what I thought and yep, I was shocked!!!!!! They were out of towners ... Different state. Just shocking...believe me!!!!!!! I visit Orlando all the time. I guess they thought since it was Orlando, they could do this. It was unreal! :( They were relatives of the bride, so I kept my mouth shut. But, I know it shocked many folks ....not just me. And my heart goes out to my daughter in law who surely must of GRINGED when she saw this. Sooooooo strange!

    I was at a funeral about 4 months ago. Everyone dressed nicely and there were NO photos taken. Goodnesssss....weird weird weird tacky tacky tacky
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2014
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    My neighbor lady died after a prolonged illness last year. They had a "visitation" before the service and there was a long line walking up to the open casket and displays of flowers. I will get into the line and breeze past the body with as least of a glance (or none) as I can get by with most of the time. But I realized that they were snaking around to take photos of all the flowers and then of the corpse, sometimes selfies with the corpse. I stepped to the side and went down a side aisle. I really didn't know anyone so I can't say what they did with the photos. I asked another neighbor, and she told me they have "always done it that way." It's tradition around here.

    FWIW, I live less than 2 miles from the freeway on-ramp, and there are 12 cemeteries on the way. Every gas station and corner store sells "plot flowers" and "eternal flames". It's just a different culture. I'm guessing that this person was brought up in a culture different from yours - and mine. ;) I couldn't give a toss about what is done with my body after I die.
  11. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

  12. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    SuZir, I actually worked with a woman who had a picture of her premature baby who only lived for a day or two. Only she didn't keep the picture at home to be a private remembrance. She enlarged it, framed it, put it in the middle of her desk at work, and showed it to every one who came in to her office for the next TEN YEARS! And everybody who saw it thought it was creepy and very disturbing to see this huge photo of an obviously dead infant in the middle of her desk! If you've never met this woman, she's impossible to describe briefly, but she is the ultimate drama queen. Every minor ailment was exaggerated, every cold was "pneumonia", every headache was probably a "brain tumor". Very convinced of her own self-importance, bragging all the time, would do absolutely anything for attention and sympathy. And that's exactly why she had that picture on her desk for ten years! It got her lots of sympathy and she absolutely wallowed in it! And I suspect that same thing is what motivates some of these other people who insist on showing everyone photographs of their dead relatives!
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The selfie part seems very odd. I do have to say that at my father in law's wake (not the funeral), we all wore Tigers (the baseball team) shirts in honor of him! He was a HUGE fan!
  14. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Donna....Wow! Sounds like you have that woman's number.

    Wiped out...that seems fine to me.
    A nice gesture. One the deceased would surely appreciate.

    Years ago I knew someone who died around age forty. She was more a friend of a friend. She was gravely ill.... She asked that no one wear black to her funeral and in fact wear bright colors. So, of course, everyone complied. And of course, these things are in my humble opinion, very appropriate and lovely.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is a good argument for cremation...lol.

    Maybe the deceased told everyone in advance of her death to "come as you are."

    But posting it on FB????


    I was raised Jewish and they never have open caskets. I'm on the fence about that. Sometimes it's a good way to say good-bye and most of the time they look really nice. I guess maybe that's something we should ask our elderly parents or, if elderly, talk to our children about. But people do what they want to do. You all know how I *LOVE* my DNA collection :) My Mother was Jewish and wanted a closed casket, but my sister, well dang it, she wanted to say good-bye the Christian way because she is a Christian (or so she identifies as one...she does not act like one)... so she had an open casket.
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2014
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    The service was yesterday. It was by far, the oddest funeral I have ever been to!!

    To clear up confusion -

    He was found unconcious at his home not last Saturday but the Saturday before. He was brought to the hospital and pronounced dead. He had no life insurance, four small children (two of them are disabled). His sister, my best friend, has been the caretaker for their sick mother after she had her stroke and became paralized. They do not have much money. So they raised funds and it took ten days to get everything in order. So either the body normally looks like that after ten days or the funeral home is really bad at what they do. It was not a good open casket simply because he was so gray/blue/purple. It was such an awful color.

    The speaker at the service was all about how we should not judge him because he has already been judged and that we don't know if he is in heaven or h*ll, but that there was nothing we could do about that anyway. But that there was still time for the rest of us. It was all hellfire and brimstone. My husband and I kept looking at each other in shock. It was not a comforting service at all and it ended very abruptly a half hour later. Just very, very strange...my best friend couldn't wait to leave. We went to a local restaurant to eat and have a drink.

    People were better dressed at the funeral than they were at the viewing...but I still cannot believe they would post that horrid picture on Facebook. That is NOT how I would want to be remembered. :(
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I guess that photos is one more thing that the family might need to discuss with the funeral directors. It should be up to them to take care of whether this is done. Apparently some folks feel it is ok and some not. Maybe it should be (is?) on a checklist when the funeral is planned/paid for. They can tastefully and quietly ask mourners to not do that, or to do it at a particular time set aside for that. I'm not in favor of saying who can and can't come to a funeral. If someone acts out, the directors should be on top of it and quietly ask them to leave.

    Every culture is different. When M was little we had a neighbor who had killed herself. Closed casket. OK, that's great - I think it was M's first funeral. She was Buddhist, and when they were done with the service they rolled her casket up to the oven and opened the oven doors and started the conveyor belt. :eek: We stepped away. Now, I know that this is very common in some cultures, but not in mine.

    I guess that as mourners we need to be prepared for what family does. As family we need to set reasonable limits. Saying "So and So isn't allowed to come to my funeral" is worse than taking selfies, in my humble opinion. Keeping things smooth is the funeral director's job.
  18. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Like MWM, I was raised Jewish and we don't do open caskets because we don't embalm. When my aunt passed, H and I went to the funeral home to see her one last time. I also brought her one of my favorite dresses that I knew she'd love to dress her in; the shmatta the parlor had was $300!

    I never go up and look at the deceased at a wake. It is antithetical to how I was raised. H sometimes goes up and prays by the kneeler, but I've never seen him or anyone ever take a photo of the deceased. I would always wear black to a funeral unless the deceased had expressed a different wish.

    My opinion: selfies with a corpse sound like something a serial killer would do. Maybe people should start asking funeral parlors to ban the practice. It's truly morbid.
  19. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    "Morbid" is the perfect word for it.
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Ennnnhhhhhh WHY?! Sounds to me like she was showing off her jewelry.

    I'm rather skeeved out. First, if the body looks that bad, have it closed casket. Second... A wake is anything goes (it's a party, no?), the funeral should be more formal... Suits and dresses.

    But then, I'm 41, so maybe I'm getting old.