If you've ever 'sent your child away' ...

[Penta]

GG, you know my girl was at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) the same time period as your daughter. While, I wish in my heart, that she never needed to be placed in a facility, I know it saved her life and mine too, probably. I was a single parent, struggling to cope with work and raising an out of control, self destructive teen. She hated me and everyone else for months and months while she was at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), yet at her graduation program from Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she credited me and her therapist there with saving her life. Somehow, during her stay at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she came to an awakening and found her "beautiful self", letting go of her anger, defiance and self destructive behavior.

As for the huge loan I took out to pay for her treatment and will be paying off until I am well into my 70's, I look at it as an investment that has paid off already. Some people make investments and lose everything or invest thousands in a luxury vehicle that depreciates quickly. I invested in the life of a child, so she could have a future.

For the past 2 years, we have been making up for all the time we lost while she was, as she says, "stupid", and we have reconnected to have a very strong relationship. I have been able to forgive all the terrible things she did and said to me and see her for who she is now....a responsible, mature, quirky, loving and compassionate young adult.

In many ways, I am proud that I had the courage to send her to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I think you can be proud as well. Your daughter is a fine young woman. You paved the way for her to succeed.

 

[Sunlight]

I was mostly sad that ant pushed me to the point of having him sent away. he would be given a line and he crossed it. in sheer terror and desperation, I reluctantly gave him over to the authorities. he gave me no other choice.
no guilt. you know you tried everything to stop that before it got that far.

 

[lovemysons]

The only second guessing I do is in regard to probation and calling when he violated and put him in jail for close to 10 1/2 months altogether during his teen years.

He just spent another year and half in adult jail/prison rehab and I worry that he has become "institutionalized" to the extent that he may be used to jail/prison environment and may not make it out here in the real world.

Right now he is in a halfway house and coming home on the weekends. Time will tell.

lovemysons

 

[standswithcourage]

Ditto to Traci! I did the same. It was so painful to call the plice, watch them handcuff him and take him to jail, call 911 and watch that happen - go to rehab - have a bed waiting only for my difficult child to balk and scream - how much more can we take - just to save their lives we do the hardest things and sometimes it doesnt evenhelp - I have also enabled thinking I was helping. So if you do the opposite - isnt that supposed to work?

 

[standswithcourage]

I understand that ant's mom . I did the same thing. He pushed me to it. It was never something I wanted to do. It was horrible but I had to for myself and also for him.

 

[susiestar]

I feel a lot of regret for the way things have been for my family. I feel guilt for the placement of my difficult child very rarely. I feel much guilt that we did not see how violent he was toward the other kids much sooner. Once I did see it I had to move heaven and earth to get husband on board and the rest of hte family too.

Once we sent him to a residential psychiatric hospital. 4 month stay, took a HUGE toll on me. I drove 1 1/2 hours each way to see him a minimum of 2x each week, often 3 or 4 x. We could never do phone therapy or combine therapy and treatment meetings. So I drove.

I regret the sheer unmitigated H that Jess went through.

I hate that I had to call the Sheriff on my son to keep myself and my other children safe from a 13yo.

He is almost 16. We have a cursory relationship. It will be what it is when he is older. My parents chose to take him, otherwise the courts would have taken him as a danger to the rest of us.

We tried every therapy we could find, and invented some new ones. I regret that NOTHING worked. I regret that I took his abuse for as long as I did.


I hate the missed holidays, snuggling, mom things. I love that I have a peaceful house with a son and daughter who are not constantly afraid.

There is sadness, but also joy. My son knows I will fight for him if he truly needs it, but that I will also keep a healthy boundary between safe behavior and other behavior.

Hugs,

Susie